Why is that? Because I have some self respect perhaps? Because I didn't continue to run after my exWW while she jumped from OM to OM?

I feel sorry for people who continue to beat a dead horse. People who don't have the strength to say enough is enough

Some people just don't get it and only know how to hurl insults and ridicule. It's pointless to continue this discussion with you Vladie. I pray that God opens your eyes some day.

Queenie, sorry about all the TJing. You are an AMAZING STRONG woman of GREAT faith. I've watched you transform into a quietly strong woman of poise and grace. Don't let the naysayers convince you otherwise and cause you to start doubting yourself. You are WORTH IT!

Seems as I am not alone in my opinion

Agreed. But WH is
Get over it move on, don't waste any more of your life

Maybe Mark will come along and share his great wisdom with us now that things have changed.

The point being is that he said he would have given up long ago. You say NEVER give up. I have the problem with the NEVER part. People HAVE to move on or they end up wasting their lives and for what....a WS who doesn't give a.........

Oh, and how exactly have things changed??? She broke her plan B and WH was 'friendly' with her! Why wouldn't he be? Hello CAKE EATING!

More FALSE HOPE! Oh he spoke to me and Queenie running around in a tizzy imagining that this means that he now wants to come home. Please!

I'm truly shocked at some of the advise and interpretation given here on this site

Okay, point taken. You're right. I shouldn't have said NEVER. So I've edited my original post where you came unglued and changed it to:

"Don't give up. Never give up UNLESS and UNTIL you are sure in your OWN heart that it's the right thing to do.."

That's what I meant. Of course there are some situations where clearly a marriage is not meant to be saved... but there are also cases where a marriage CAN be saved despite of what others see and believe.

My understanding is that he is no longer with Crackho. How can that be cake-eating? That's when a WH has both BW AND OW in his pocket.

Besides that, I don't think Queenie thinks any such thing... that WH wants to come home. I don't think that either. What I DO believe is that his heart is thawing towards his family.

And with God ANYTHING is possible. My WH was just as bad as Queenies, if not worse. You wouldn't know it today.

No worries! still feel sorry for me? :-D

Honestly? Yes.

What's changed? I don't see any changes. I see Plan B being broken and WS showing signs of not being a complete waste of skin and air...

I see Queenie longing for what might have been, what might yet be and what might never happen...

I see hope being placed in the WS instead of in God's plan...

I see expectations that can all too easily be smashed to pieces when things don't happen the way we thought they would...

Facts:

* WH is no longer with Crack Ho.
* He could contact Queenie at any time and tell her that he is willing to do what she said it would take for her to take him back in her Plan B letter.
* He did not contact Queenie but merely showed up at DS's game.
* He has expressed sadness to DD (not sorrow, but sadness)
* He has not provided for Queenie or the children financially since all of this began and still has not.
* He showed signs of maybe rejoining the human race.

Do I think there is a chance that he might actually end up wanting to come home? I have no doubt about it.

Should Queenie take him back?

Ah, there is the question...

Queenie, IMO the only way you should let this man back into your life is if he works his a$$ off to get you to let him back into your life. Even then, I would make it all conditional on so many things only a man who truly loved you would even consider doing what it took.

Think back to late December gang. Bugs had contact with Drac. Drac was at the moment without an affair partner. Drac seemed nearly human and so much less alien...

It was false hope. Nothing had really changed except that Drac needed a fix and Bugs could provide what he so desperately needed.

The result? Bugs got hurt all over again...

Queenie, until WH is completely broken and knows that he is helpless without God there is no way he can become the man you need him to be. He is not active in an affair at the moment. So what? That does not mean he is a former WS only that he is a WS not currently with an affair partner.

I hope he proves me wrong, Queenie. I pray that he proves me wrong. But until he proves I am wrong, he isn't worth the brain cells it takes to think about what he is doing.

You got this far by focusing on God and letting WH be His problem. You still can't fix him. God can if WH decides to let Him.

Queenie, think about the laws regarding clean and unclean things. When something that is clean comes into contact with that which is unclean, what happens? Does the clean thing make the unclean acceptable?

If a dead animal falls into a well used for drinking water, isn't the well defiled? If and a person comes into contact with an unclean thing is not the person considered to be unclean until God's requirements for cleansing have been fulfilled?

Until God has dealt with WH, he is an unclean thing and to be avoided. You cannot lift him up but he can most certainly drag you down with him.

Watch. Wait! Pray! Stay focused on your own relationship with God and let God decide what to do about WH.

Not saying give up hope. Saying don't create false hopes based on a moment of civility and a brief moment of sanity from an insane person and a day of sobriety from a drunk...


Only God can perform this transformation. Only doing what God requires is good enough for God. Only by doing all that He requires can WH earn a right to stand once more as a leader of the family. Don't sell short, Queenie. Wait for the full plan to be revealed.

My goodness, but you all have been quite busy. Vladi, I have missed you dude. I know you think I am truly this pathetic woman, pining away for my husband. NOTHING could be further from the truth. I'm am out living life, learning about myself, raising my children. I guess I'm asking for you to trust me on this.

Now, maybe if I did have more self worth, or if I wasn't fat I would kiss him off and find someone new. But then again, maybe not. This is MY JOURNEY, G-d is leading me somewhere that I simply haven't arrived at.

If I gave you all the impression that I was "convinced", moved or anything else "sure" that WH was former, it's simply not true. I'm not READING anything into it. It was a moment in time where I had a glimpse that my H still existed and quite honestly I'm good with that for today.

I'm happy in my life, I'm raising my children, I'm "partying" with my friends and I'm walking with G-d. Mark, you have been with me from the beginning. I'm not STUPID. I experienced one moment, but PLEASE BELIEVE when I say I didn't FALL for him

Clearly he is still wayward, clearly he is still not broken, clearly he is as arrogrant as he was that allowed him to get into this position. He is cynical, he is sarcastic and he isn't broken at all. In fact, I would say he wasn't even really sorry or the slightest remorseful for what he has done. It took him years to get to this place, it's going to take a very long time for him to get out and that's even still a crap shot. I'm not STUPID. And I'm not just pining away for him. OK....

PM said it beautifully, he is NOTHING SPECIAL. He is WAYWARD, he is icky, but he is pretty predictable and pretty much has been. I'm not fawning over this ONE MOMENT. I'm just being grateful for this ONE MOMENT because I didn't have it before today.

Truly, this is all I am doing. I wasn't planning on being in contact with him. I wasn't planning on doing anything with him. He is still icky for the most part.



Maybe it's in my delivery. Maybe it's my lack of formal proper English, I don't know, but I can assure you. The skinsgal who joined MB over a year and a half ago, is NOT the QUEENIE who lives today. I'm not DOING anything, but seeking G-ds will for me. Was what happened yesterday a sign, don't know. It just was a moment of civility.

You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I don't want THIS man back.

But I also am not going to spit in G-ds face and not thank him for the MOMENT. That's all end of story. Now onto the business of raising my children and living MY LIFE.

Vladi, I give you alot of leeway, but GEESH dude. I don't think I EVER said this or even thought it. For goodness sake, give me some credit. OK?

This isn't even about HIM. This is about ME. If you have walked through my journey you would understand, how much GUILT, I have for not being the wife I was capable of being. I'm in AA, and I had to own up to the absolute wreckage my behavior and actions caused in the M.

I love a man that I believe to be a good human being that has the potential to be an amazing human being. Again, I still have one child to raise. Why not give G-d time, keep moving on living my life and just keep the door open.

When the door closes it will be because G-d says so. If the door stays open it will be because G-d says so.

I'm just out having fun being single, enjoying the last years of my children and thinking about taking up photography.

Come on Vladi, you have had more impact in my life. Give yourself some credit of influence on me.

And by the way, Mark, you came by with your words of wisdom.

Thank you.......

Oh wait... does that mean I shouldn't bring WH all his favorite foods for lunch tomorrow. Or I shouldn't bring him a care package of food because he is so broke.

Queenie, you know where I stand on this....stay in protection mode. Mark explained exactly why.

Settle for nothing less than EVERYTHING.

Like the new name!

I feel for you Q and you are doing phenomenal. I too feel partially responsible for my crappy because I did not get help for my depression. Our WS' were still dead wrong. And mine also has been a scumbag.

But I know that if I am not ready to move on and I do get a D that in my heart I would always know that i moved on before I was ready. Even if I was D now I would still not be ready to date. So I feel what is the rush to move on. I am working on myself, like you. and just going with the flow in plan B.

My H has also been showing signs of a melting heart for his family. And it does give me some hope. but I am not waitin for him. WhEN I am completely ready (which i AM feeling is goin to be sooner then later) I am moving on. And if he comes back to me then, BEGGING AND PLEADING AND TRULY REMORSEFUL, I feel That I wont take him back because it took me so long to move on.

But if in the meantime He does turn around I may very well take him back.

My point is that I think like you Q, I am not wasting my time waiting for WH to come around. I am taking some well needed time to work on myself if not for R then for my next relationship, when i am ready for it.

So your doing great queenie!!!! And we wont settle!!!

Queenie - Continue living a very pleasant life. And remember, my WH broke up with the OW in January and he didn't start defogging until the following November. It takes awhile for all that fog to clear.