What Rev said...

I just read a signifigant chunk of her secret email account. Wow and wow.

They were planning to get married.

I'm just dumbstruck. I can't think. I need a break.

I am so sorry, Zen. I was really, really, rooting for you two. (I am so angry right now. So angry. And sad.)

And I agree with ...and what Mark said. And what DNU1 said. And stillstanding. And lildoggie. And Flick. And so many others. Please go directly to the experts via email and leave this be. I know MB can be addicting, but you need to protect yourself and your children. You may not see us here online, but I promise you are not alone.

Print them, delete them, then use email.

Take care, Zen, and may God bless you and your kids.

I have been following this thread. It reminds me so much of my best friend and her serial cheating Xhusband. He had affair after affair and would just casually walk back into the house and plop down on the sofa and expect all to be fine. Her family and I felt like we were shaking her to get her to see the truth of this man, but she wouldn't listen. It took her about 5 years before she finally got enough of him and divorced him. I have always thought the stress of those 5 (at least) years of living with a lying cheating mate triggered cancer in her....very sad to me.

I have no idea why she took so much off him and I have no idea why Zen is taking so much off this woman. From the MB'ling I know the only thing that might save this marriage is a very strong PB. In the meantime I hope he protects himself physically, financially and most of all protects his children from this 'mother' of theirs.

They have probably read your threads while together and had a good laugh. You need to listen to what others are saying, stop posting and take it to email with some experienced MBs.

Divorce. Document. (not necessarily in that order)

You can do much better.

Wow. Another affairage in the making. Good thing you will learn Zen and find someone worthy of you. As for Coho, the Karma bus will come....

Best thing you can do: Divorce her, take full custody of the kids and the finances, watch her marry this POSOM and count off the days in your calendar 'til she cheats on him.

I have a proposal:

Divorce her. Give her a chance to live with you, but have full custody of the children. The boundaries will be very much harder to break.

Call this arraignment a probationary marriage of a specified time. The question is... can you endure continue living with this lady?

You know Zen...

Remember - judge by her actions, not by her words.

If at all possible use her 'love' for you as a way to secure your rights to the kids and home. Once you have that then you can decide if you want recovery. No sense trusting her again.

Be very careful in this situation, when she has nothing...she has nothing to lose...and in her desperation and lying she can rationalize anything.

I am a proponent of M. I think M can work in most situations.
BUT, at least in my situation, I had to take some time away.

I got to the point I was tired of trying. I sat back with the attitude..."OK buster, you want to be married so bad, you work for it..." I didn't prevent it, but I didn't go running to him and make it easy...

I also had to move to a Plan B.

What I see happening in this situation is she has been playing both sides of the fence, wants it all...

Have you given her the best of you and truly worked on your M? Is there more to do? If not, perhaps moving to Plan B may be in the works for you soon...

How about having her start by finding a way to emotionally destroy the OM in a way similar to what she did to ZW in a way to show she is serious. Right now he is just sitting back enjoying the power he has over Coho and waiting for her to call to hook-up again. Maybe a restraining order so that show up on his record.

Thanks everybody, I'm listening. Thank you for continuing to support me.

Here's my problem with Coho. ZW, I know your heart is broken. But I remember so many people asking her on her thread---what are you going to DO. She was great at throwing words out there--not so much with a plan of action to back it all up. Even now--today--she posts that she's sorry but she doesn't say what she will DO, Zen. What's she going to DO?

* Gather email addresses for those you want to seek advice from and then have this thread dumped after you have printed every page out.
* Hire a bulldog lawyer.
* File on grounds of adultery.
* File for emergency full custody.
* Contact a counselor for the kids and ask for advice and or appointments.
* Choose an intermediary in case a life or death situation comes along.
* Go black hole dark.
* Protect your kids.
* Let family and friends know what is going on so support is there for you and the kids.
(Check with lawyer regarding these next two)
* Close joint accounts and cancel joint credit cards.
* Move your money to a new bank because the old one might screw up and let her know something she shouldn't or give her access out of habit.
* Change address for important stuff like financials and legal stuff to a PO Box or work or a relative (one on YOUR side) so that she can't go through you mail the way she goes through males.
* Protect your finances including retirement/401K etc.
* Heal and move on.


If you truly have any hope for a relationship with this person in the future, though I have no idea of why you might, leave the door there, but nail it shut and make her figure out how to open it.

If she offers everything to just be free, take it all and don’t look back.


Mark

She is nefarious. The whole time she was posting about turning over a new leaf and recommitting. She was planning more betrayals. They were/are going to get married. Does this OM know what her track record is? She is such a deceitful person.

She actually told Zen that she wouldn't ever put up with what she has done. Zen deserves so much better.

SW is right.

THEY HAVE BEEN READING YOUR POSTS - IN BED - AFTER F*CKING EACH OTHER - AND LAUGHING ABOUT HOW STUPID YOU ARE!

Zen, look. DIVORCE HER.

Divorce is NOT death. It is not irreversible. Who knows? She may hit rock bottom in 2 or 3 years and come crawling back to be with her children, and MAYBE with you.

But here is the bottom line:
IF YOU TAKE HER BACK NOW, YOU HAVE JUST TAUGHT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE BSs OR WSs.

Yep!

Zen, understandably everyone is appalled at what your WW has done... again. What does Dr. H say? Aren't you guys talking to him?