OMG!! I missed this post! My bad. ARE YOU CRAZY?!??

Of course she can come home with you there!! You call her up and tell her you would never make her leave. She is perfectly free to come home. And that DD should be in her own home too. But you have no reason to leave and won't be doing so.

Don't you DARE EVEN THINK about leaving!!

Contacting the Pastor's wife should not be difficult.

It comes in temporary waves, I think.

Stop pilin' on.

Why is it that even now I feel bad when I do something that upsets her? maybe I am crazy.

I have told her that in so many words over and over. Just not been long enough yet, I think. She is very stubborn, doesn't give in easily. When I told her about the exposure, I think it was the first time I have ever broken her down, she looked defeated. But for her, that just makes her more stubborn after a while.

Yeah well, we are stubborn too. And I am ARMED AND DANGEROUS FROM TEXAS!!

if she asks you to leave, just politely say NO THANKS.

Well, nothing much different happened last night. She came home for a while, I am not sure what for, maybe to change clothes. I was not there when she got there. We talked a little, nothing different came out of it. Maybe it seems that we get incrementally further at times, but I have never been able to really judge, I just look for things and my mind puts the most positive spin on them I think. Came home to get ready for work this morning, didn't really talk much.

I still think she is angry and embarrassed. She says it was between me and her, I should not have brought the kids and her parents in on it. Nothing I would not expect her to say for a while. It has only been 4 days really. She says I did it to set the kids against her. She feels, with some justification, that I always let her be the bad guy and now they are blaming all the problems on her. Part of that is the difference in her and my personalities, and a big problem in our relationship was that I just let things go on like that and never really addressed the issues, we never really talked.

But now, the issues of the last 20 years keep coming up. Her attitude is,"I made one mistake and you tell the world, but I tried and tried for years, never brought the kids into our issues." She is talking about me staying downstairs and using porn, she is correct in that. I abandoned our bed, and found a substitute, I never looked at it that way then, I felt rejected, but of course it made her feel rejected too. I made a big mess in our relationship, not actively, but passively, and in some ways I think it is harder to overcome, this feeling of hers that I just really don't care.

But, even in her anger I have hope. She expresses the hurt she feels, I like to think that shows it still means something to her, deep down. I never deny my part in our problems, she really did cry out to me a lot, I never really saw it for what it was. I have a lot of deposits to make to get out of the red, if she ever starts accepting them.

I screwed my part of out marriage. She did hers as well. She hung on a long time, I hope there is still a little left in her.

Well, she just called. We are having car troubles, our old Taurus that D18 drives has radiator problems, getting to the point of diminishing returns to fix it. Was supposed to take W's car in for a tuneup, but didn't. She called about how the money was tight, and she didn't know where she would be living, etc. It does seem to me that she is bringing up the conversations. Even last night, I wasn't really going to talk about issues, but she actually hung around and said enough to start it going. Maybe we will get it out a little at a time.

Told her we could do it together. I was ready to take my part like I should have all along.

I always let her worry about the money before, too.

I am a really good guy. Not a really bad husband, but I was far from a good one.

Maybe you guys are starting to wonder why she would want to come back.

Did you move back into your bedroom? That is part of being a LEADER and not a follower in your marriage. I would move back in there and let her know that is where the future lies in this marriage that you are sorry you ever moved out. Might as well get your money's worth out her anger and get things done.

See how she is coming around? I told you her anger would die.

She's a big girl, she will have to figure it out on her own. Not with family money, of course.

No luck on delivery again this morning. I think they are out of town. There was a regularly scheduled deacons meeting last night, I drove by, there were a lot of cars there, I don't know if they have that big a turnout normally. His car wasn't there, I don't think. I believe the pastor normally attends. Have no idea what the discussion topics were. Know what I hope it was.

Drove by their house and there were no lights on.

I have been sleeping in our bed by myself. If she comes back, I will stay there.

Just saw wife, I was at her folks asking father-in-law about the radiator problems we are having, when I left, W was in the driveway, came to eat lunch. She ask me for a separation, meaning for me to leave the house. Said she was too angry to work on things now and me staying home and making D14 have to choose was making her more angry. That we couldn't be together without fighting. I told her my position, that she should do what she had to do. I had done nothing to have to leave and I wanted to make things work. Guess we'll see what happens.

If I am forced to leave, does it to you like Plan B is in order? Doesn't seem like Plan A has started yet.

How would you be FORCED to leave YOUR home? About the only way she could accomplish that is if she goads you into doing something stupid and calls the authorities to get your thrown out of the home. Right about now would probably be a good time to carry a little tape recorder in your pocket. If she starts going psycho, pull it out and let her know you're recording the conversation.

We HAVE had WWs who set up a confrontation, call the police and yell domestic abuse, just to get the BH out of the home.

I thought maybe she could file for a legal separation and I would be forced out.

Why would you be forced to leave? She's the one that was screwing around. Don't let her drive you out of YOUR house and ruin the relationship with YOUR daughter.

She could file for one but I think she'd have to have pretty good "cause" to have you put out. The Judge may tell HER to leave since she's the one that wants it. Start documenting!

By documenting, what all do you mean. I have the emails I used for exposure. Should I keep a journal or something?

By whom? Unless the Texas Rangers show up with UZIs and a court order signed by GOD, you aren't going anywhere.

If she wants to "separate," she can leave.

you did good! Just keep telling her "no thank you!"

No, you can countersue on the grounds of ADULTERY and drag the OM into court to testify under oath about his adulterous affair with your W. Then maybe your wife would need to do the leaving... If she files, let her know you will be obtaining an attorney and countersuing. Make sure she knows that her adultery will be entered into evidence.

THAT will cool her jets..

See, she still thinks you are going to allow a wayward to continue to tyrannize your family. It is time to disabuse her of that notion. You are LEADING THE WAY NOW instead of a fogged out, adulterous wayward. She needs to get in the back seat and shut up.

I found the thread on documenting. I will start today.