Expecting a wayward to have EP's would be a selfish demand too?

Right?

Or NC?

Right?

PLEASE HELP, with all due respect, thats just silly!

Hey at least there housing situation will be resolved.

Haha *snort*

Okok I know lame joke.

Ello again, poppin on quickly. I see its been a busy discussion.

Let's see yes he is a typical WS in every way. Yes he had preexisting anger issues which flared up on occasion, but mostly his moodiness and inability to be happy was most of the problems in our marriage.

He was very mixed up and yes still a bit as well, but that is not anything out of the norm for a WS. He does have some things to work out inside of him that have nothing to do with me or the marriage. He has since admitted that to me that he has a huge "hole" inside of him and he does not know why its there or even what to do with it. This was a huge admittance to me and to his self. A few months ago He has said part of the reason he has not come home yet was because he knew he had anger issues and that he does not want to put the kids and i through any more of it so this admittance is a break thru as for him as well. Is he there yet no? Can he get to where I need him, I do not know I am not a fortune teller. But I also remember that King David was an adulterer and really just a low down dog but God called him a man after God's heart and this man was far far from perfect. He struggled immensely. In fact most of the characters we love in the bible were characters! But I don't condone what my H has done and he will stand before God and I'm sure he's gonna have some 'splainin to do.

He does not live here. He visits here and I'll take that any day before having DS10 go visit the Sea Hag.

I am not sure about his drinking habits. I know he had mentioned he didn't drink as much but I do not have access to that information.

I don't feel at this point I will feel ashamed of any of my decisions and I am well aware of my worth and would not live a lifestyle of a PA. I know for a fact he did go to the Sea Hag and tell her that he wanted to come home and do the right thing and be here for his son around the time he said eh had the plan to come home, but believe he went into Withdrawal symptoms and it did not pan out. I am not in any way against PB at all and feel it has its place. I am not opposed to going into one if I feel led in my heart to do so.

I in no way shape or form intended for anyone who went and did strong PB's to feel I was insinuating that they are weak that's not how I am. What I was trying to convey was to stay in a PA as long as you can before doing so because coming out of a PB into PA again is not easy. None of the plans are easy but it makes it 10 times harder switching back. I think anyone who runs any of the plans at all are strong.

I make no defense of H's actions, he can only answer for those things he has done to the kids and I. He knows this, and told me a few days ago he knows his DD18 has lost respect for him. I hear the pain in his voice over it. Is he remorseful a bit yes. Is he completely broken not all the way. I am fully aware that H was the one responsible to protect and love us and not the Sea Hag and try to keep my dislike directed appropriately but as with any BS we do have natural dislike and rightfully so for the OW/OM but I don't hold her responsible so I hope that addresses what was mentioned earlier.

I do love my previous IM's and have nothing but immense respect and love for them. I have very grateful for there support and advice they have given me and times they have been there for me and if I have not adequately given my gratitude just know I appreciate you guys! I had mentioned to y'all or 1 of you I can't remember my concerns about using the IM's and what it was doing to H. His resentment was growing over the contact of strangers know all of his personal junk. With each communication he was getting worse. He is very private and has always been even before the A. I had to follow my gut and cease it while I tried to decide what I wanted to do. But I do def give you guys lots of love for what you do here on MB you 3 rock!

Ya know guys, again, there are no guarantees for any of us. No plan can actually guarantee absolute recovery. Yes it can help greatly but we have to remember we are dealing with Humans and human nature and that is very unpredictable. But I know I can always lean on a predictable God who cares for me 1st and my marriage 2nd. No matter the outcome I am going to make it-no not without some battle scars but its ok we all have em. I'm just happy to say I'm not afraid to make a mistake anymore. Ya know like when you 1st find out and then you literally feel paralyzed like you can't do this or that because its gonna be wrong or you'll push them closer or you'll let him cake eat or whatever it is there are sooooo many fears when you find out. But I don't care, I actually feel freer and stronger at this point. Free to not be afraid to do the wrong thing. That for me is priceless.

Kk gotta go...might be back later....Carry on luvs!!

LMAO LMAO funny you had me laughing! You mean like Cinderella or should we say Hagerella??LOLOLOLOL

*breathes in some healium and sings*

Cinderelli cinderelli...night and day it's cinderelli....

Disclaimer: this is not a referance to our womderful Cinderella on our board. We love you cinders!

That's nice and all T2L,

But you have evaded EVERY one of my questions, AGAIN!

Yeah... I was being silly... just trying to defuse the situation... it was getting heated... like that rude remark about boinking.... No KIND reason to put that visual in T2's mind...
I think a lot of what has been said by you and others is true... hovever... It's the tone of the advice that bothered me.

Everyone gets hurt if everyone doesn't think they are "right"... Everyone wants to be the one that solves the "case" the riddle first...

In the long run... we are all here to support each other through the worst of times.... This is like 911 of the heart...

Sometimes we just need to listen to a rant.. and calm each other down... sometimes to wave a red flag.. BUT... the final decision is up to US what we do... I don't care if I'm right....I just want to show that I care...and I understand how very hard this is...
I thanked God EVERY day for this place... I KNOW if I didn't find it...I would never have made it to the other side alive...

For me... just knowing others were going through it made me realize it wasn't MY shortcomings (is that a word?) But the bad choices BOTH my W and I made with the marriage God Blessed us with...and people helped me when they really could have been doing something else... they just cared.....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


A loving platonic hug to ALL the casulties of this horrible war we have found ourselves part of...... BSs....WSs....children.... mothers fathers... uncles... aunts.... Grandparents....friends.... and even the O... Nah... sorry I'm not quite there yet...LOL

May ALMIGHTY GOD heal even the smallest wounds we have and may we
forgive as he forgives us.....over and over and over....

God Bless... Frank

Amen to that brother.

Yanno, all of this 2x4ing T2L has got me scratching my head. She isn't sticking to the MB plan, but that is her choice.

If a person HAD to follow MB exactly, then those of us who recovered without it are apparently doomed. It seems like my marriage will never be REALLY recovered and I'll suffer from PTSD indefinitely.

WRONG! I didn't know ANYTHING about MB when my DH was wayward and you guys knows that. I went to hell and back and have always said I wish I'd known about MB when I was going through it.

MB is GREAT and I recommend it often, but folks, sometimes God has a different plan.

Yes, exactly.

Because HINDSIGHT gives you that WISDOM.

T2L, not too long ago you were talking about how you had done an AWESOME Plan A and that was why you felt confident in going into Plan B.

Now, all of a sudden you've decided your Plan A wasn't so hot and you need to do another one.

What's up with that?

It appears that your WH didn't like Plan B and bucked like a wild horse (or a 2 year old toddler), and you are again going into appeasement mode.

You can dress it up and call it "strength", "following your heart", or "being led in that direction", but it's still just appeasement.

Or someone's getting yanked around on the emotional rollercoaster, and instead of recognizing it as such, disguises it as "God's leading".

Her WS is a typical wayward, still talking typical cake-eating crap, and she's still LISTENING to it thinking it actually MEANS something.

And I guess all of you who met WH and KNOW him and her so well are now all of a sudden thinking a wayard's babble actually means something, in spite of the fact that many of you have been here long enough to KNOW BETTER.

Now there's a line if I've ever heard one.

PH, maybe you should reread your posts. You were in now way attempting to diffuse anything. And some of us are not all in a tither because people don't AGREE with us, we are CONCERNED for T2L because she is talking TYPICAL BS babble, which is pretty typical of a BS that has been exposed to WS fog babble too long.






Well, I did use another verb, but then I decided to tone it down a bit.

I used a graphic word for a point. Sometimes a BS is so fogged out, that they NEED some direct talk and not a bunch of warm fuzzies. It's even scarier when a fogged out BS elevates herself above the average BS, because then she starts justifying allowing her emotions to dictate her actions.

We ALL should know how dangerous that is.

I think people are thinking "romantic heart" when T2L refers to following her heart. She is speaking of her "Godly heart". What IF God IS telling her how to proceed? Who are we to question Him? And how do we know that He isn't?

Hi T2L,

You have to do what feels right in your heart and right with God. If that means following your heart then by all means, do so!

You are so right that the plans are not for everyone. I think the people who have the most success at saving their marriage are the ones who interact directly with the Harleys.

Not that here is bad...here is good, too, but mostly for personal recovery, it seems. That is a wonderful thing.

I can tell how different you are now by reading between the lines.

Good for you!!

Human animals are different from other animals in a major way because of our emotions...not that other animals don't have emotions but with us it's more intense. And we need to stay in touch with our "feelings." For many of us, intuition was what alerted us to affairs in the first place, squashing this part of ourselves is the wrong thing to do.

I am sorry to hear about you losing your home but you are strong and you will have a beautiful home no matter where you end up because truly: "Home is where the heart is."

Take care,

Charlotte

Agreed... but you missed my point.

I didn't know about MB and my marriage STILL recovered completely. What about that?

I still gauge it on the actions not the words.....he has made no move to renew a lease with OW.....he has gradually started spending more and more time with T2L and family and LESS with OW. According to call logs he is calling her less and his calls to her are short...very short.....she whines over txt message about missing him....he replies with things like goodnight......he is giving all his money minus his living expenses to his family.

There is proof of her bad mouthing T2L and the kids....(which is a big LB) after he attempted to break it off with her.

These to me point to the affair weakening.

And you missed my point.

You went through NECESSARY pain because you didn't KNOW.

T2L is allowing UNNECESSARY pain that WILL make recovery (if she gets there) even more challenging.

**edit**

It's called directness.

Sometimes it cuts through the fog.

But it's so foggy on here, I don't think it's working.


Best wishes, T2L.