Aloha Mulan,

Hugz 2 you and your family.

You are familiar with the WS' path. That knowledge itself c/b a safeguard for you and your family.

Looks like you may be able to move forward with a stronger plan this time.

Take care,
Orchid

Hi Mulan,

I'm so glad you have come online and said what's going on. I have been so worried about you from the last time you were here. Please keep posting and letting us know your journey.

It's one of the most difficult because of the games involved and yet I have a feeling so many others have experienced what you have lived for so long.

{{{{{{{{MULAN}}}}}}}}}

Thinking of you...
Cherished

Ditto

Mulan,

I didn't originally see this last year, I am very sorry for the turn this took for you and your family. I have thought of you often and you have helped me more than you know, so thank you for that.

If you are able, please post an update as lots of us care about you here.

All the best,

nabohio

After I got out of 5 days of voluntary stay in the psych ward in April 2008 - one year ago! - I finally went on an antidepressant (Pexeva). Once it kicked in, I realized that it's just an emotional painkiller, the same way that ibuprofen or morphine are just physical painkillers. They don't do anything to cure what hurts you, but they do stop much of the suffering so you can still function.

At that point, around June 1 of 2008, he was still living at home but I simply stopped talking to him. This was no problem, because he'd already stopped talking to me - he knew all he had to do was wait for his pathetic little puppy to come crawling in for a few crumbs of attention, and then he could generously hand them out and bask in being so very very wanted and superior.

When I began living as though he wasn't there, he got very, very angry. Did all the things that normally triggered me the worst - ignoring me, shutting himself in a room without me, leaving the house without warning, disappearing on trips, etc.

None of it worked. I just didn't care anymore. I simply left him alone.

After about 10 days, he packed some stuff and moved out to the apartment he'd already rented. I have no idea when or if he was actually planning to move to it - I suspect he he thought he'd stay there when some ho-bag or other was available and come back "home" whenever I broke down and begged him to.

He made two trips on moving day - I think he made a point of doing that. I did nothing and said nothing - simply sat in my office and watched him. The last time I ever saw him was June 10, 2008, when he drove away from our home with his two computers and big-screen tvs in the back of his truck.

I don't know if he ever called me or not. I stopped answering my phones and blocked his email. I have not seen him or spoken to him since. I have no idea what he is doing and I do NOT want to know.

I signed his filthy divorce papers. I got the house and he paid off my car. He has to pay alimony for 6 years. It was worth a lot to him to get rid of me.

The worst part of this has been walking around for all those years thinking I was loved and special, and then finding out the truth - that I never meant a damn thing to him and he couldn't wait to throw me away like last week's garbage once he finally had to choose between me and his wh*res.

Please don't tell me how much better off I am without him. He really was a wonderful man until his corporate success went to his head like a drug. I manage, but I am very, very lonely.

At least he can't hurt me anymore. That's the only good thing about this. He can't hurt me anymore, though he still tries.

I will try to post sometimes and maybe try to help some other folks - you know, I make all the mistakes and get the psych treatment, and pass the savings on to you!

P.S. My DS21 has been wonderful. Don't know what I would have done without him. My daughter and her family have been lifesavers, too.

The house is very strange and different now - I call it the Island of Misfit Toys. It's filled with things nobody wanted - throwaway wives, throwaway kids (we've had a couple of DS's friends stay with us who would otherwise be homeless) and even throwaway cats (two rescues). And it's in the final divorce papers that WXH is NOT to take the cats away, especially the black kitten that he supposedly just adored.
Heh.
Mulan

(((Mulan)))

So happy you are doing OK.

It's good to hear from you again, Mulan.

I do hope you will stick around and post. You have a lot of wisdom to share and have already been helpful to many.

tst and I both wish you the very best.

I'm so glad to hear from you, as I've often wondered how you are doing.

You are a treasure, Mulan, and your xWH is a fool.

I'm wishing you joy and happiness in your future. You DESERVE it!

Hi Mulan.

Glad to see the update.

Hoping for recovery for YOU.

Mulan, it's good to get an update from you. So glad your kids have been so supportive to you. Blessings to you - I hope you continue to get stronger everyday. TT

Mulan, how nice to see an update. It's a darn shame when life throws us a doozy of a curve ball and we just can't change it. You sound stronger. That's good to see.

Hm... how 'bout a name change? because...



This sounds more like a home filled with love and caring for good people who happened 2 be on the receiving end of some narcissist's nonsense. He threw himself away, not you or your family.

In the years I've known you on here, Mulan, you've always been a person of high integrity and values. You're a winner.

-ol' 2long

Mulan, I am so sorry about your marriage. Thanks for posting because I had wondered how you were so many times.

Are you really a "MISFIT?" Or is the definition given you by a wayward? Do you respect his opinion enough to allow him to define you? Why does he get to define you?

My suggestion would be to line up a NEW DEFINER, since he did such a shabby job. He might have rejected you as a misfit, but that does not mean you *ARE* a MISFIT. You have a choice whether or not to adopt his label.

I think it is a stupid label, because I do know you somewhat, and rather than being "MISFIT" I have found you to be a very intelligent, bright, wise woman of character. You are a great writer who has a very unique writing ability. I have seen your picture and you are a very beautiful woman, too.

If you are going to delegate the defining of your identity, can I do it instead of a falling down, selfish, self centered, cruel wayward?

I am applying for the job, please.

Your friend and admirer, Mel

Mulan,

I'm so very glad to hear from you...I've thought about you often...thanks so much for updating us...

I look forward to reading your posts...glad you will be sticking around...

Have you considered writing a book about your experiences?



Mrs. W

Hi Mulan,

Like the rest of so many people I too have wondered how you are doing. I was so worried about you and my prayers have been answered that you are hanging in there.

You have an amazing story to tell of survival. Please know that you offer me and so many others points of view that only we can.

Please be good to yourself and know how special you are to us.

Hi Mulan!

As so many others, I have thought of you many, many times as well and I am so happy you let us know how you are doing.

I am sad for you that things turned out this way...mostly I am very angry at your exH for being such a narcisist and hurting you this way. No one deserves this kind of treatment.

I hope you continue to heal. Remember that the best revenge is a life well lived. You will soon have that and exH will not, ever.

(((hugs)))

Best.

Words.

Ever.



Throwing my arms around Mulan ((((((((((((((MULAN))))))))))))))

You are wonderful and amazing.

Hi Mulan, it is good to hear from you and know that he can no longer hurt you. Your posts to me meant a lot to me when I first came here. I grabbed on to every word. You helped me through the hardest times.

You know you do mean a lot to many here and you are loved and respected. It cannot possibly replace what you thought you had, but I just wanted to remind you of that.

I hope you will be able to share support to others here now who could greatly benefit from your wisdom.

((((((((((Mulan))))))))))))