Mulan,

That letter probably knocked those attorneys on their rears!

You cut it to the bone. If I were you, I would send a copy right to the CEO and Board members of that company your husband works for, because they should know that they are wide open for lawsuits.

Even if it does nothing else, it will make their little attorneys worry and scurry for hours, drag your WH in for questioning, his OW (plural) in for questioning, and lots of paperwork and memos to be generated - you can count on it.

Nothing happens faster in a corporation than when they have a fear of someone filing a lawsuit.

I can see the little cockroaches running around now.

SB

Hi guys - thanks so much for all the kind responses.

"Island of Misfit Toys" was just a bit of dark humor. I am a fan of it and it does sort of help. For anyone who might not know the reference, it's from the very old but very popular cartoon *Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer*. And in the end, Santa did help all the unwanted toys find loving homes.

Oh, yeah, I do plan to send that letter to a list of very special people - both old friends he's been lying to *and* the top brass at his beloved Company. I would be shocked if the company did anything but laugh - gee, for some reason there are *loads* of crazy insane spouses married to their best workers, the poor poor workers, they're such victims. But it's going. As soon as the D is final.

Thanks again. I will try to repay by posting when I can (I work a lot of hours now as a medical transcriptionist). I truly am grateful for my friends here and for my family and even for my looney cats who always keep me company.
Mulan

*waving wildly*

HI!!!!! You're awesome - don't ever think otherwise for a moment. Soooooo good to hear from you!

Mulan,

I was glad to hear from you. I have concluded that silence is the only appropriate response to degrading treatment. You finally stopped coming to him as a supplicant.

Good for you.

I told myself long ago that, if you choose your marriage over your dignity, you will lose both. You may have lost your marriage, and you lost your dignity for a time, but you are on the path to restoring your dignity.

I've often thought that our marriages were similar. My husband and I are still living together. He actually went a whole week of being nice. Now he's back to nasty, and I just stay away from him.

You're out of an abusive dynamic when you, as the abused woman, realize that there is nothing -- absolutely nothing -- you can do to have your husband treat you well. It's up to him.

You're safe, you're alive, and you have a child who is standing by you. On this Good Friday, count your blessings. I encourage you to be a witness here on Marriage Builders as well. You are witnessing to the need to recognize the free will of your spouse. That's what the post "Be still" seems to me to be all about.

I had an aunt who returned to an empty house after delivering her youngest to college. Her husband had moved in with another woman. She killed herself that following January.

There are some who do not survive the emotional abuse of a husband who treats his wife with contempt. Yes, you ended up in a psych ward, but you have survived -- and you have a child who will know how to survive.

Cherished

PS. Don't bother with the letter to the company, which no doubt has its hands in the TARP pot. Personally, I think the financial meltdown has to do with the end of Wall Street as we know it. It was a den of thieves. Obama is extending its life, but it's over. Your husband was part of that viper's tangle, which by the way is a book I'd recommend you read. "Viper's tangle." It's about a husband who justified his behavior until he recognized the truth at the very end.

(((Mulan))) So many people here care about you. I am so glad you are ok. I pray for a happy, fruitful life for you.

MULAN

Mulan, you know, you've made it this far. Please don't forget that we care. You are wonderful and beautiful to us. When you look in the mirror, take time to recognize your own magnificence. You mean a lot to many people.

So, so true Cherished. Kelly Pickler sang a song on American Idol this week, and although I couldn't understand a lot of the words, I understood the part that said "A cheater's always a cheater. I've got my pride and she's got you." I've been repeating that over and over again this week. It helps....

Kellie Pickler - The Best Days of Your Life

"Best Days Of Your Life"

'Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met till you were making me cry
And it's just too bad you're already had the best days
The best days of your life

Ain't it a shame
A shame that every time you hear my name
Brought up in a casual conversation
You can't think straight?

And ain't it sad
You can forget about what we had
Take a look at her and do you like what you see
Or do you wish it was me?

I'll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

And does she know
Know about the times you used to hold me
Wrapped me in your arms and how you told me
I'd be the only one?

I heard about
Yeah, someone told me once when you were out
She went a little crazy, ran her mouth about me
Ain't jealousy funny?

'Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your

Life with me was a fairytale love
I was head over heals till you threw away us
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

I heard you're gonna get married, have a nice little family
Live out my dreams with someone new
But I've been told that a cheater is always a cheater
So I've got my pride and she's got you

'Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met till you were making me cry
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

Of your life, oh, oh yeah
You're gonna think of me
You're gonna think of me in your life
Oh, oh yeah

It's a shame, it's a shame
it's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame

You'll love the video. Can you say "karma bus?"

Hi Mulan

Thank you for this update. You have been in my prayers.

A friend of mine was horrified to find that one of her kidneys had developed a cancer and it needed immediate management to prevent the cancer spreading.

She had the kidney removed. With it went ALL the toxin that had been weakening her. To begin with she was scared because she didn't how she could live with a major organ she had depended on all her life removed. CUT away from her.

The first days after the resection were the scariest. Then slowly, day after day she survived, then thrived. Her working, non toxic organs compensated for the bad one that was removed. The scar hurt sometimes, but she hurled herself into sport with her new found energy, and her new fitness and strength meant she rarely considered her scar. She became fitter and more capable than ever before, and with a new found appreciation of life, health and vigour having lived in the shadow of weakness and fear for so long.

She would always have a space where her kidney had been, but she was in every way better off without it.

True story. Also convenient analogy

All blessings.

Hi Mulan,

Sorry to hear your update. I hope all is and ends well with you.