The love dare is not working. Twenty-six years of marriage. One year ago ended a three year affair that I was involved in. I just confessed it to my husband easter weekend when he asked for a divorce. He is falling in love with somoeone else. We are still living in the same house. I am started seeing a Christian counselor, he will not. Yesterday, he is texting when I get home from work. Texting is this new thing for him. Then he goes to a meeting at night, comes home at 10:00 pm and stays outside in his vehicle on the phone for thirty minutes. I could not stand it, after he fell asleep, I read the texts. This woman is more immersed in his life than I realized. Our family members on his side are texting him about her and arranging meetings. I called her by gut reaction and begged her to stay away. I just made things worse. I told him I love him and I want him to be happy. I told him I will file if it will make it better for him. I don't know how long I can live is limbo land.

Being Limbo is never ever good. I did it and I hated it. Finally I had to sit myself down and say Are we both willing to do the work to save our marriage? If not then you know your answer. It will be extremely hard to let go but why do you want to hang on to someone that doesnt want to be with you? That love for your husband may always be there but you need to move on if he has moved on. Also living together makes things worse, trust me been there too!

I believe in our vows and marriage and our family. My infidelity will affect generations to come if it ends our marriage. I want to try Christian counseling to be sure. But he will not. Even tonight, he will be meeting up with his new love at a dinner that he is going to with our son's godfather. What a mess I made and I really am struggling with facing it.

Momofthree,
I'm sorry but I have to ask why are your thinking of your M now when you H is leaving you? Did the OM dump you and now it is convenient for you to work on your M with your H? I don't think anyone here will believe you when you claim you believe in your vows, marriage and your family. Your H didn't create this - you did. Yes you are going to struggle and I'm sorry you are losing your H but what did you really expect? Also it took three years of an A for you to get into this mess and now you think a couple of weeks of some "love dare" is going to work at getting your H back? Your only hope is that it doesn't work out with OW and he decides to work with you.

GG

fair enough

Strange way to show it.

Now that you know someone else might take your husband, suddenly you're interested?

Why did your 3-year affair end?

Here's a link to another WW's thread who is trying to get H back.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2186707#Post2186707

Mom of three,

Have you read the articles on this site? Have you exposed your H's affair? Have you tried plan A? Have you addressed why you felt it was OK to have an affair, let alone a three year affair? Do you know why you allowed your boundaries and morals to be violated after 23 years of marriage?

Do you know why your H felt the need to find someone else?

You can give up, but if you want to try and save this marriage you need to get with discussing and figuring out the answers to these questions. Your H isn't coming back until somethings change and you have offered him no proof that you value him more than you did, you value your marriage more than you did, you have a plan, yes a real plan to make this marriage something he would enjoy being in.

He is leaving for what he thinks are greener pastures. Your affair I am sure had a lot to do with him thinking that his future lies elsewhere. So what is your plan, I mean action items, evaluation points, changes, etc to save this marriage.

Just telling him you love him and you don't want him to go is not going to get it done. Your words carry little impact now, however your actions, that is another story.

So let us know what is really going on, and I note that other than complain about the end of your marriage, you have offered essentially no information for us to work with and therefore help you. If you want help we need to know the situation.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

"I told him I love him and I want him to be happy. I told him I will file if it will make it better for him."

Bad idea, do not make it easier for him to carry on his affair. Have you read Plan A and Plan B and HNHN? You can't change him, only yourself. Work on being the best person you can be...maybe he will come around, maybe he won't but do what this site suggests...Plan A, exposure, learn his EN, and try to meet them.