How did I miss that? Well, heck then I would definitely do it! Think of how long that list will be of what you guys have given up because of him/her.

Jeez, I feel really whiney for fussing over the little here & there my WH gave the HW!! He took her & her children on a nice little vaca to ATL. Yuck! And $250 for car insurance or gas money doesn't seem so bad. Compared to $12,000! But, that con thing must go along with the game. I noticed she was buying all her groceries with one of his cards. Oddly enough, it was ALWAYS an even amount! Always either $45 or $50 a day. I kept thinking, jeez that's a lot of groceries for someone that doesn't cook! Then, my sis said "she's spending a couple dollars & taking cash for herself!!" Not a bad deal! That explains how she could be unemployed & still keep buying those skanky clothes!!! Her FBH said she funded her first affair by doing the same thing. My WH refuses to believe it. No way she would do it!

Actually, the $12,000 may just be a drop in the bucket. Put it this way, it's the only check I FOUND. And then there's all the credit card transactions I had nothing to do with and withdraws from our now maxed out home equity loan.

So it's not like he HAD money to spend on her or the A. He just basically stole it from our house or "creatively" financed it. After all, he's a banker and does this every day for a living.

Now he needs to pay the piper since stupid [censored] decided to file and stupid [censored] will now have to account for every freak"n dime he spent. I hope that's the reality check he needs to wake up so he can see the Karma bus as it runs him over.

Nice guy. Hope he can live on love when it's all said and done. And if the kids and I lose the house, there will be blood on his hands!!!

Maybe stupid [censored] & the OW can get a welfare apartment next door to my WH & his OW!!! They are only $360 a month!!!! Now,that's what I call living on love!!

How is it all these WHs are so stupid as to run themselves into the ground supporting the OW?

Time after time I am shocked at how men think with their teeny head rather than the big one...

It does make you wonder! WH is considered to be super smart & very good at his job. Not so smart when it comes to OW. Her FBH said she would bleed him dry, WH denied it. Later admitted she spent money like water & on really stupid stuff. She has had 2 cars repossessed 4 times. Been evicted and lost more jobs than I can even keep up with. The best part is, for the last few weeks he keeps saying the only reason he's been around is because I "have him over a barrel financially" and I should make my own living & allow him his money.

My friend made the observation- he & I get almost exactly the same amount of money. I have (for this part of the world) a large house payment, car payment, utilities and support of 3 girls. So, 4 of us live on our half of the money.
He lives with OW contributes exactly $300 towards expenses. Makes his car payment, ins, his own personal living expenses like gas, lunches & pays our cell phones.
She receives assistance, has some sort of very part time job & gets a little child support. We have the $360 welfare apartment & the latest car she's managed to get. Why are they broke?? Her daycare is subsidized, her apt is subsidized & I would bet she receives food stamps. What are they doing with their money??? If I can manage my large expense with my half, why can't they cover they smaller ones with more money???
Oh wait, I forgot! They are really busy bowling, going to bars & shopping at the adult bookstore!! (That was a fun credit card statement to get!)

Hi Happytobe, not to steal HH sitch, but did you turn her into the welfare board for living with someone while being subsidized. I know it will put an additional strain on their living arrangement even though it will impact yours more but temporarily.

HH, the financial mole! Can't wait to see what else you will unearth. I think you are right. It is the tip of the iceberg and there will be more creative stealing from the household. Do you ever wonder that WH being in that field that he might get desperate and put his hands in the cookie jar at work to support his OW sleaze habit. Just a thought since he is running out of money.

Yep...checked another credit card today. Sheeeeez.....where is he getting the money?

Oh -- yeah -- MY tax refund. [censored] must LOVE playing sugar daddy to bimbo. And buying her all that fancy jewelry -- just dressing up a pig (stealing from your saying, Hope).

Yep...How long can he keep it up?

And maybe, just maybe...this is just what I need -- this anger, this rage, this discovery of the money -- to help me empty my LB for good.

We've been together for over 30 years -- since age 15. And I need to let go of him and any love left for him so I can move on or "get over it." And by hating him, seeing the lies and cheating right before my eyes, to know that he's still spending on her and her kids like a drunken sailor -- I need to think of him of the person he is NOW, not the man I remember.

Because I think it would be total AGONY to go through the divorce and life afterwards still loving him.

Sad.

I agree you should report her to the welfare board. They don't take kindly to cheaters. Great way to put more strain on the A.

OK-- as painful as it is, I have to keep digging into the financial stuff for upcoming court date.

So...since first of year (4 months), [censored] has been to Vegas 5 times and elsewhere 3 times at a cost of -- that I can tell -- over $4,000.

Seems to me that my attorney should argue that since [censored] has PLENTY of money to throw around taking skanky out of town, he can at least pay my attorney fees AND give me my share of the tax refund.

Man -- when will this guy hit the bottom?

He has no one on his side. He's spending like a rock star. The kids are not responding to his texts. He boo-hooed that he wants to rebuild his relationship with his kids. OW is milking him dry (in more ways than one). I'm not speaking to him nor are his parents, people are "looking at him" funny. His reputation is shot. His values and morals are in the toliet. AND I'll be retaining attorney (something he FORBID me to do) this week to fight the D he filed.

I wish this were a movie that I could fast forward to the end. But I need to stay strong and steady. Unemotional. Business-like and calculating. Turn it over to God. I'm on the right side.

Be the ball.

And keep growing a pair of big, hairy ones.....(sorry, but that's what one of my friends keeps reminding me to do)

HH,

My WH did the same thing. He would use his corporate Amex to pay for stuff, then when the bill came and his expense check didn't cover it, he took advances on our joint card and opened a few other cards to take advances on them. I filed for legal seperation to guard myself against all of that debt. Most of his check right now goes to credit card payments. My atty is fighting so that I don't have to assume any of the debt run up on OW. I'm sure if he has to pay support to me, she'll drop him like a hot potatoe because he'll be pretty dry in the well at that point.

Keep digging. My guess is that you haven't hit bottom yet.

Believe me, I've considered it. Only thing that's stopped me so far is concern for her kids.

I officially retained attorney today. It's hard paying that kind of money for something I did not initiate, but I really had no other option. And I will be pushing to have [censored] pay 100% of the fees -- trust me!!

But before I handed over my check, I looked attorney straight in the eye and asked "Can you be a big [censored] dealing with [censored]?" And he said "yes, with pleasure." Gotta love that!

I went over my goals and gave him what information I had. I did overwhelm him a little with all the detail. He said it was like taking a drink from a fire hose.

And boy do I have some good stuff. Good stuff that I hope -- pray -- will be worthwhile down the line when I really need to pull a rabbit out of my hat.

So game plan is to try and stay married as long as possible.

Man...do I really want to stay married as long as possible?

Gotta wonder after tonight. DD16 just got back from the movies and who did she see outside the theater? Well, [censored] and the bimbo with another couple.

Luckily DD was in her car driving by. She said she wondered what would have happened if she had been walking by and saw them. She's upset, I can tell.

I guess they're no longer "underground" since [censored] and POSOW are out on a Saturday night at the biggest hangout spot in town. It was just a matter of time before this happened.

On one hand, I want to text [censored] right now and tell him what a POS he is and that he's upset DD. But, on the other hand, I KNOW it will do no good and he'll say "get over it."

I just have to accept that he's not hiding her anymore and that I will get my say in court.

And boy will I get my say. Hopefully, Mr. Selfish will be knocked off his high horse big time!

HH,

Keep on course. One thing that keeps me going in this D is remembering that what I don't get, OP will get, and I'll be d@mned if I'm going to stand by and watch her take what I have worked 30 years for. And you have younger children to fight for too. Let your atty rip him a new one.

And you know, the best thing is to stay dark. It's so tempting to let them have it but it doesn't really help. It's just a waste of your energy, and the outburst only strengthens their case.

You are doing good....

I hear ya, sister. It would be a total waste of energy for me to react to him.

And the movie DD saw was "Obsession" in which a wife is tormented by the other woman. (At least that's what the previews implies.)

I had to ask her how the movie ended and, without giving it away, she said the audience cheered. (Hint, hint -- not EVERYONE is a wayward or OP.)

Maybe it's one of those empowering movies we both need to watch to keep us on track and focused. We can live vicariously through Beyonce. Hummm.....

Hey HH,

WH + OW + movie hangout on Saturday = scumbags

You know how I feel when it affects our kids. They are the innocent victims in this and never asks for the results of these sleazy A. I know my D15 hates that we are getting D. She told me she does not want to move back east because she does not want to go back to school from her hometown and tell them we are D. How sad is that.

keep mining that financial stuff. I have to provide more to my atty and I pray that H gets nothing. I do not want 1 cent going to the OW. It is blood money. Our sweat and tears and blood that we worked for all these years. Why should she benefit for our dreams.

take care.

It's official. [censored] hired an attorney today. He called to tell me the news. What a gem!!

And as for icing on the cake, he said the kids won't have money for college because of the attorney fees and he wouldn't have had to hire one if I hadn't hired one in the first place and ...well, you know the rest...Holyheart gets blamed for everything!

Hum...why are waywards SOOOOOOOOOO stupid and forgetful? He had the A. He left me and the kids. He filed. He said he'd give me a proposal and that attorneys wouldn't be necessary. Then...then...a notice of a court date showed up in the mail because [censored] started pushing forward the process!!

Unbelieveable....What in the f was I suppose to do? Stand in front of Judge Judy and smile?

I've been the deer in the headlights long enough. Let's let the attorney's duke it out for a change. I need a Plan B vacation.

Call his mom and tell HER.

MAKE SURE your attorney stipulates that he set up a 529 college fund for each of the kids to be direct deposited from his paycheck for $XXXX! Do NOT trust him to provide it like my mom did. My dad wouldn't even let me stay in his house so I could afford to go full-time and work at night; I had to work full-time and take 15 years to get my degree.