ITA! It IS hard putting your foot down, but it was the right thing to do. He probably expected you to chase him out the door telling him that you were sorry.

I've been through this with a couple of my kiddos and they survived. Funny thing, when I insisted they were able to get out there and fend for themselves. They have more respect for me AND for themselves.

He'll be okay. Try not to worry too much mom.

(((Queenie)))

Thanks everyone. I know he will be ok. I know it's hard to be a mom.

He is a man who has to find his way in life. I can't fix it, control it or take it away. I can only stand back and let G-d do what he is going to do.

LOL..... I didn't try and stop him. But I did tell him I loved him.

This is so true.... So true.

Queenie, you are a great mom! Do not let his tantrum make you think otherwise.

Those YOUNG men can really make you question yourself sometimes.

Thank you SMB, that is very kind of you. Tantrum, that's exactly what it was. '

I have to chuckly because at least he left the cell phone and keys versus me taking them. Although he did yell the big ole F word at me.

He doesn't have keys to the apartment, nor does he have the keys to the car. I am curious what he is doing, but he is a MAN.

Darn Q!

I'm only gone a few days and look what happens . OS will be fine--this is temporary bump. Remember what WE told you in the mall about OS - LOL!!

Seriously, they are great boys. You're a great mom.

Smartie

PS I miss Julius!!!

Yes, I know and I remember. But dang... I miss you so much. You are absolutely beautiful and amazing. I love you dearly and am so grateful you are in my life.

Julius missing you too. He hasn't been the same since you left. I'll need money for his therapy on losses in life.

{{{{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}} That's all we can do sometimes...

I remember these days They aren't easy... We forget how stressful those years were. He handled the stress inappropriately as we did once in a while...He'll apologize....You'll see..

I think God must see us this way sometimes.... Ungrateful...tantrum infested drama queens...

And then he steps in and calms the storm and we wonder how we ever doubted him.. and...so does he! LOL

GOoD Luck and Prayers... Frank

Thanks Frank,

I'm losing my spirit tonight. I'm tired and just wish I could stop the feelings.

Luna always puts her feelings down, not because they are permanent but as a way of working through them or leaving them. I'm so sad and tired. I'm tired of fighting. I have given G-d my love for my H as a sacrifice for my trust in him to move me forward.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I want a break from my kids and there isn't one to be had because they don't go anywhere. At least not in my heart. I want to sleep, I want to not wake up and I want to talk to G-d tomorrow and find out how was it supposed to end. Because I don't know if I can make it everyday.

I'll get out of my pity, I'll pick myself dust myself off, but I just want to stop the world for awhile and not participate.

I hope you all are doing a whole lot better than me.

Wow.. DOUBLE {{{{{{{{{{QUEENIE}}}}}}}}}} I know you're just venting but I didn't like the "I want not to wake up" part...

OK... Look... DON'T let the enemy steal your joy!! I suggest you go to the mountain top...find an AWESOME creation of your G-d and drink it in.... FEEL HIS POWER!! Stand in AWE of him....sometimes words aren't enough.. we have to WITNESS GOD.... FEEL HIS AWESOME POWER... and realize that wherever you go it is only a SPECK of his incredible creation.


YOU ARE AN AWESOME CREATON OF GOD QUEENIE... you mean a LOT to a LOT of people.... I know you are alright... but we want you to feel GREAT....

You H does NOT DEFINE YOUR WORTH.....Please.... don't believe the enemies lies... this world is GOD'S creation and has MUCH beauty.... our lives have MUCH beauty....YOU have SOOOO MUCH inner beauty and wisdom.....

Time to take a break from the LIES is all....GOD IS ALIVE!! Look around and he loves every cell that makes you.... you... and we all love you and you are important to us...
Go Queenie… witness his Glory….fill your soul with hope…. HE IS I CONTROL…. HE’S GOT YOUR BACK….


“It’s not the absence or presence of trials in our lives that determines our happiness…..
It is the absence or presence of God”

GOoD Luck and Prayers Frank

Update....

OS came home last night from work, asked if we could talk. He didn’t quit his job, he spoke to his boss about cutting his hours and had a meeting with my business associate to start building the amway business. I was so incredibly proud of him for taking care of it, owning his feelings and walking through something that was very hard for him. He mentioned that his boss wanted to know why he didn’t come to him earlier, and OS said he was afraid of him. I congratulated him for his personal success, not those words of course. But I really was impressed because honestly I hadn’t even thought to just cut hours. In doing so, it takes the hours pressure of, but the shift pressure as well. He won’t be the one to close the store at night and that will be a big relief to him.

I realized why I am so sad lately. Anniversaries abound around my life and like SMB, I am one to mark each and every one. Not sure why, just who I have been all my life. D-day is a couple of weeks away, and today is my 10th anniversary at work. WH made so many promises to me when I got this job. Specifically one that would have had us both not working, building the amway business and living life together and free. He promised me so much. He wanted so much for life. In fact, as I was meditating last night it dawned on me how OS was actually expressing to me the same thing that WH complained about for years. He HATED his job. I was too caught up in the house, the money that I didn’t listen to his concerns and let him figure it out, even if it meant moving to a smaller house.

Right before D-day, I could sense how unhappy he was or I was more intuned to him and I encouraged him to look for a new job and be happy. I would support him in anyway, even if that included moving. Ironically, I think when he was out “looking” for a job, he was with her.

So many years wasted on his unhappiness and I’m so ashamed that I didn’t just let him do what he wanted all those years ago, even if it meant the family lost living the lifestyle we wanted to give them.

No, Please, my H does NOT define my worth. G-d does. But I have truly looked to MY behavior because it was G-d who needed me to. I had so much to learn about how wrong I was willing, and seek his wisdom in how to become the woman he always envisioned for me. Yes, I loved my H deeply, but I wasn't the wife he needed, the wife G-d envisioned me to be.

I know I'll work through this. But sometimes I am overwhelmed at my part in the destruction of a marriage and family.

I think we can all look back and see different chocies we could have made, and own our mistakes. But I think you take way too much credit for this. You may HAVE made some mistakes along the way, but it was still WH's choice to bail in the way he did, no matter what happened before.

The difference now is that you can look in the mirror without flinching, WH can't. (((Queenie)))

Yes, that is so true, I can look in the mirror. I just wouldn't like to see what I do. LOL

Then look at me. I'll be your mirror. And I'll reflect your compassion, strength, kindness, humor, lovliness, grace, courage, motherliness, quirks, considerate-ness, fantasticalness, and straight up lovability.

You are loved, Queenie.

I knew that...

Hi Queenie, catching up a bit tonight.
Hopefully you are over your low. I understand. Some days are better than others and some days are just hard and we do not want to function. Those are the days that we have to turn over to God because we are unable to handle our lives or do not choose to.

Thinking of you and God bless.

Queenie,



It was so good talking with you and Smartie. I hope the two of you had a wonderful time.

Remember, this is a roller coaster. A friend of mine tells me that something good will happen any day now.....

Queenie, your WH had choices, sweetie. You didn't MAKE him do anything, so you can forget about what you didn't allow him to do. Own what is YOURS, not what is his.



You are not alone. I have done this so much, and do you know what? I have had so many people look at me cross-eyed and sideways, telling me I'm not to blame for it ALL. Sure, I screwed up, so did the Z. Let the past serve to teach you, but don't dwell there, taking mental floggings. Get beyond it. Smack yourself upside the head when you go there; it's probably just as useful as all that self loathing. :twobyfour:

Love you!

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie.

Happy Weekend Queenie,

Thought I'd drop by and say hello. I've been following along with your "survival" and I must admit that you continue to amaze me with your strength.

Keep seeking God and just know your path has already been laid out for you. Smoothe sailing walking in the will of God. I promise.