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Julie2U Offline OP
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I won't go on till I know I've got somebody. Was told there are some on this board w/experience with cutting.


LIFE IS GOOD
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My cousin's daughter is a cutter. Arms pretty scarred.

She is a very intelligent girl and almost gifted but has dropped out of a very exclusive private high school and getting a GED.

My cousin says she cuts herself when she is stressed, angry or whatever problem she feels she is facing.

At the beginning my cousin thought she was doing it for attention. It is a cry for help and not something to ignore.

You need professional help for this. Call a hotline and find someone in your area that specializes in this.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Julie2U Offline OP
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OH, I'm on the phone too. School's out in an hour & I'm getting my ducks in rows.

Thank you for your post.


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Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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I know a bit about cutting, I did that for a while in jr. high and had a friend that did it a lot in high school. It can be very intense. And needs to be handled with care. It just depends on the situation of why she is doing it for your best way to handle it. But that's just my opinion. But I can tell you that she can snap out of it! I did, and my friend did. It is an outlet, a way to get out some of the stress, especially when you feel you have no one you can talk to.

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Julie2U Offline OP
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Got a crisis team coming out when she gets home from school. They're good, have been here before.


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Good luck Julie, I hope everything works out for you and your daughter. It is a dangerous situation to be in. I wish you both all the best.

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This is a very stressful thing for you to be going through.
I'm so sorry frown

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Very sorry to hear about this Julie. I don't have experience with this but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and your children. Sounds like you have a good jump on developing a plan. Best of luck.

Mindshare

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Julie2U Offline OP
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Thanks. This is unreal.

Trying to determine if I keep DS/9 home, let him know what's going on, that we are a family & will help DD thru this (as I've done in the (recent) past) or have STBXH pick him up so he doesn't have to deal with it/be afraid.


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Do you think he can handle it? Or do you think it might freak him out? It could help him to know what it is and not to get into it or how to help someone that might be going through it. It depends on what you think your son can handle.

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Julie2U Offline OP
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I think he can handle it. He was kept abreast of everything else going on w/her of late, so I don't know why I'd banish him now. I feel bad for him, and it does scare him, but this is us now...


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Keep the entire family in the loop

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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Keep the entire family in the loop


Why? So far, none of the family knows, except for a (once) very trusted aunt. Her reply: "well you're so hard on her, Julie" (DD was hospitalized last month for depression/anger/2 "empty" suicidal statements.)

My rest of my family is...well, not equipped to be supportive. I don't think.


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I don't think the entire family needs to know, but her brother could be a good support for her. Since you have kept him in the loop with everything else. Maybe there are support groups for that kind of thing in your area, so she can talk to someone who has been through it. Other than the hospitalization has she ever seen a counselor? How old is your Daughter if you don't mind me asking?

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Julie2U Offline OP
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I'm definitely interested in Pep's reasoning - it's a tough one to grasp without some explanation.

She's got a new IC, will be seeing her again on Monday along w/psychiatrist. She's 13.


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Well I can honestly say that telling my entire family did not help my situation, but it might have helped in my friend's situation. It all just depends on the situation.

I have a friend that is 13 and she comes to me a lot when she needs advice. That is a very vulnerable age and needs caution. I wish you the best and really hope that everything works out well.

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Jul,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I read a really good book "Revivng Ophelia" - a book about teenage girls. The author Mary Pipher writes about cutting and why girls do it. She has done research on teenage girls. I read it years ago in preparation for teenage years. My daughter is now 14. I would suggest you reading it.

GG


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I would not suggest involving the 9 year old. He is too young to understand and the girl might feel like she is being ganged up on.

Not to be unkind because I've lived through loved ones acting out but you appear to be stressed yourself. You do not need more drama at this point. Take everything down a few notches.

Breath.

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Originally Posted By: Julie2U
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Keep the entire family in the loop


Why? So far, none of the family knows, except for a (once) very trusted aunt. Her reply: "well you're so hard on her, Julie" (DD was hospitalized last month for depression/anger/2 "empty" suicidal statements.)

My rest of my family is...well, not equipped to be supportive. I don't think.


Sorry, I missed your response to me.
Just my thoughts (free and free to ignore smile )

Well, the 9 year old is not dumb. He's aware SOMETHING is wrong and his family is unhappy. Right?
Kids are worse off when they experience family tension without knowing that they are not the cause.

The sibling who is acting out is often the center of attention and becomes the catalyst for the family dynamics. Decisions are made based upon what is going on with the acting out child. (This happened to our family) Child A is having a good day so the family is having a good day. Child A is having a bad day so the family is having a bad day. Child B is aware they must not rock the boat because their sibling causes so much tension in the family. Child B becomes quiet and introverted and non complaining.

I think it's a lousy dynamic for Child B to be left out. All this effects him too. But unless he knows what's going on, he may think the tension and unhappiness is all his fault. The acting out child usually blames everyone else. The other child usually blames his/her self.

But, that's my opinion only.

When our son was going psycho - we'd hurry his younger sister off to the neighbor ... sometimes for HOURS while we had her brother admitted or took him to the ER .... and she felt isolated and terrified and obligated not to cause a ruckus by complaining about her situation. It was wrong of us and I now see it as an error we made.

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