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I thought it might be helpful to start a thread to all the women that are working to improve their physical attractiveness. I know that most of us that are BSs have taken a pretty big hit to our self-esteem. This is a big EN for my husband. I am getting over my resentment that it matters so much to my husband and am really working on it. I was thinking that starting a thread to support each other in our plan for improvements. So, I will start with what I plan to do today. I will be cleaned up and made up before I see my husband at lunch. I will be dressed nicely. I need to lose 25-35 pounds. I will continue to count my calories and not eat more than 1200 calories today. I am getting ready to take my labrador retriever, Nikki for a 1 hour walk. I will go to the gym with my husband after work and will do some weight training. We plan to continue to participate in a 5k this Saturday. I need schedule a hair appointment for next week.
Anybody else got plans today?

Last edited by stillstanding2; 05/05/09 09:16 AM.

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Hi,

I had a make up lesson this morning - am 35 and nearly never wear any whistle
Just to show a difference betweeen day and going out really - to bring out my eyes.
Also working on improving my lingerie smile oh and the diet of course

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Just some thoughts.....

Find a diet that truly works for you and stick with it. I have tried numerous ones through my years of yo yo dieting. Over the years, I have weighed as much as 165 pounds and as little as 112 pounds. I am pear shaped and found The Zone Diet worked quite well for me, South Beach didn't. UltraMetabolism is a great program, as well. Really, though, dieting is ultimately about reducing calorie intake. If you can afford it (depends on the gym, but runs somewhere between $160 - 200) and your gym offers it, try Metabolic Testing VO2 Max - Anaerobic Threshold - Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) (Lifetime Fitness is one gym that I know offers this). These medical grade tests determine each individual's daily caloric needs and unique heart rate training zones to work out more efficiently, burn fat, build muscle and improve performance. From the couch potato to the elite athlete this test gives you a true picture of what needs to be done in the gym and at the dinner table every day to lose, maintain or gain weight. For example, from my testing, I learned that my resting metaoblism requires approximately 1800 calories to stay at my same weight. If I want to lose weight, I can drop no lower than 1280 calories or my body will go into starvation mode, which will then cause it to try and preserve weight to save itself.

Many women think that losing weight means "just" going on a diet. The most important thing anyone can do to lose weight is to exercise - cardio and strength training. This will not just burn calories but, also, tone muscle for a leaner look. Besides, the endorphins that are released when you exercise are great attitude enhancers!

Makeup - all of the makeup counters in the major department stores will do makeovers for you and help you find a look that is right for you and teach you how to apply it.

My latest find are eyelash extensions. I have very short, very straight, light colored eyelashes that make my eyes look tiny. These semi-permanent extensions are glued to your existing eyelashes with surgical glue and the last as long as the natural lash to which it is attached lasts. When it falls out, so does the extension. I will tell you, the intial investment is a bit costly - $300 price range, with refills every 3 weeks for $80 - 100. I rarely wear any makeup now because I don't need to with these cool things!

Clothes - when I was in my early 30's there was a woman in my office who was my same age but dressed very frumpy, like a 70 year old woman. Even if you are overweight, there are lovely, inexpensive styles you can wear that are trendy and stylish. Watch What Not To Wear - its a great lesson in the right styles for various body types. I also hones in on what is "in" now without looking trashy.

Same thing goes for hair - have you been wearing the same airstyle for a long time? Change it up - add some color, have it cut differently.

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Good for you, SS2. Stick with it!

You and everyone else are welcome to join us on the "Smiles & Trials 3: Healthy Habits" thread over on the "In Recovery" forum. It's a bunch of us working on being healthy -- started by Ace some time ago. It didn't start out as a nutrition and exercise thread, but it has turned into that and it can be very supportive. It's mostly women, but there are a few men who peek in now and then.

You can check it out by clicking HERE.

Good luck to everyone.


Me (FWW): 45
BH: 46
M: 11/94
PA: 2/08 (4 mos)
Confessed: 10/08
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I've lost 31 pounds so far. I'm looking really good, but I want to tone up. My FWH and I are doing this all together. It's fun to cheer each other on and share our successes with each other.

One thing I've learned is to never do any fad diet ever again. In fact, I will never "diet" again. "Diets" aren't the way to go, because people do them for a while to lose the weight and then go back to eating the way they did before and gain it all back! I have changed my eating habits and made a commitment to have a healthier lifestyle.

If I can survive infidelity, I can do this!

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Wow, this is so fun! Let me tell you all a little secret...once you really start meeting this need for your H, you will NEVER want to go back to "not caring"!

It is an increidble feeling to know that I meet this need for my H, I love it when he tells me I am meeting this need, and I never tire of his compliments.

I almost always include my H's opinion when getting dressed to go out on a date...he LOVES to help me pick out clothes and I value his opinion very much. This also shows that I CARE about meeting this EN for him. This is something I highly recommend that you do!


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted By: stillstanding2
I thought it might be helpful to start a thread to all the women that are working to improve their physical attractiveness. I know that most of us that are BSs have taken a pretty big hit to our self-esteem. This is a big EN for my husband. I am getting over my resentment that it matters so much to my husband and am really working on it. I was thinking that starting a thread to support each other in our plan for improvements. So, I will start with what I plan to do today. I will be cleaned up and made up before I see my husband at lunch. I will be dressed nicely. I need to lose 25-35 pounds. I will continue to count my calories and not eat more than 1200 calories today. I am getting ready to take my labrador retriever, Nikki for a 1 hour walk. I will go to the gym with my husband after work and will do some weight training. We plan to continue to participate in a 5k this Saturday. I need schedule a hair appointment for next week.
Anybody else got plans today?


How are you going to run in a 5K and not eat more than 1200 calories?

I don't want to discourage you in any way about being attractive to your H and meeting that EN. But it isn't about the calories, rather our Body Mass Index...the ratio of our body fat to muscle. Would you consider getting a scale that reads both? You want to be healthy. You might need to lose a certain % of body fat vs a given # of pounds.

If you can adjust your BMI, then you can still have the nutritious and caloric intake that a running body needs without risking your health.


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Not a woman, but would like to add some to discussion here. My wife always banged on me for my clothing choices, underwear (hated the tighty white briefs), wanted me to put on smell-well, etc. I didn't really hear her...

Since DDay we have gone shopping, I switched underwear to something more modern, shower and clean up daily, put on smell-well and I've dropped some pounds via eating better and exercise.

And while the wife helped me, I did this for ME! I wanted to know that I could be attractive should my marriage not work out. And I feel much better about myself. Do this for YOU!


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I too have decided to get up off the couch and do a little more. I've been so sad lately that I haven't been keeping up with anything. In my marriage I changed into someone that I hate. I decided that I need to get my Goddess back. Now I'm taking time to clean the apt every day and lifting weights and making sure that I look good. But I'm not doing it for my H, I'm doing it for myself. If he wants to fall in line and be my H again, good for him, if he doesn't then that's his problem. But now my life is my own again!!

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I agree about the low calories and high cardio...that is a recipe for DISASTER for me.

In fact, I don't do any cardio (or very, VERY little)...it backfires on me and ramps my appetite up so much that I actually GAIN weight. I thought I was the only one but have found that I am NOT, this is fairly common.

I lift weights and that's it...and I am in pretty good shape. It's super fun to see the progress I have made...I keep good notes of how I have progressed and it's pretty amazing.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted By: RareMamaJewel
How are you going to run in a 5K and not eat more than 1200 calories?

I don't want to discourage you in any way about being attractive to your H and meeting that EN. But it isn't about the calories, rather our Body Mass Index...the ratio of our body fat to muscle. Would you consider getting a scale that reads both? You want to be healthy. You might need to lose a certain % of body fat vs a given # of pounds.

If you can adjust your BMI, then you can still have the nutritious and caloric intake that a running body needs without risking your health.
I am not running. I am walking. Calorie counting works best for me even when maintaining my weight. I eat healthy but enjoy the flexibility and easiness. I have a calorie counting program on my phone. I do subtract workout calories so if I workout a lot, I eat more. I should have explained that so people don't think that I am starving myself. I'm not. I also take a multi-vitamin. I eat anywhere from 1200-1500 daily after workout. Today is a 1200 calorie day to jog the scale. Maintenance calories for me are 1500-1800 calories/day. My goal is to be at my ideal weight by my 10th wedding anniversary on October 23.

The walk was beautiful. Honeysuckle is blooming everywhere here and the temperature was just right. I found a creek that I didn't know about. I had to drag my dog up the last hill. She is not in very good shape!

Gotta get lunch ready for hubby. I'm going to have a Lean Cuisine meal and a salad. He is on his way home. He likes their paninis and salads so that is probably what I'll make for him.


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Originally Posted By: Brits_Brat
Just some thoughts.....

Find a diet that truly works for you and stick with it. I have tried numerous ones through my years of yo yo dieting. Over the years, I have weighed as much as 165 pounds and as little as 112 pounds. I am pear shaped and found The Zone Diet worked quite well for me, South Beach didn't. UltraMetabolism is a great program, as well. Really, though, dieting is ultimately about reducing calorie intake. If you can afford it (depends on the gym, but runs somewhere between $160 - 200) and your gym offers it, try Metabolic Testing VO2 Max - Anaerobic Threshold - Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) (Lifetime Fitness is one gym that I know offers this). These medical grade tests determine each individual's daily caloric needs and unique heart rate training zones to work out more efficiently, burn fat, build muscle and improve performance. From the couch potato to the elite athlete this test gives you a true picture of what needs to be done in the gym and at the dinner table every day to lose, maintain or gain weight. For example, from my testing, I learned that my resting metaoblism requires approximately 1800 calories to stay at my same weight. If I want to lose weight, I can drop no lower than 1280 calories or my body will go into starvation mode, which will then cause it to try and preserve weight to save itself.

Many women think that losing weight means "just" going on a diet. The most important thing anyone can do to lose weight is to exercise - cardio and strength training. This will not just burn calories but, also, tone muscle for a leaner look. Besides, the endorphins that are released when you exercise are great attitude enhancers!

Makeup - all of the makeup counters in the major department stores will do makeovers for you and help you find a look that is right for you and teach you how to apply it.

My latest find are eyelash extensions. I have very short, very straight, light colored eyelashes that make my eyes look tiny. These semi-permanent extensions are glued to your existing eyelashes with surgical glue and the last as long as the natural lash to which it is attached lasts. When it falls out, so does the extension. I will tell you, the intial investment is a bit costly - $300 price range, with refills every 3 weeks for $80 - 100. I rarely wear any makeup now because I don't need to with these cool things!

Clothes - when I was in my early 30's there was a woman in my office who was my same age but dressed very frumpy, like a 70 year old woman. Even if you are overweight, there are lovely, inexpensive styles you can wear that are trendy and stylish. Watch What Not To Wear - its a great lesson in the right styles for various body types. I also hones in on what is "in" now without looking trashy.

Same thing goes for hair - have you been wearing the same airstyle for a long time? Change it up - add some color, have it cut differently.


I agree the diet has to work for you and not everyone is the same. I come from a family with diabeties and heart disease.....I watched my father who has diabeties never take care of himself.....he ended up with kidney failure.....as a result he had to have both legs amputated.....he had a pacemaker installed and a kidney transplant...he is still alive to this day but...had he done what the doctors advises at 50 years old he wouldn't have lost his legs....It scared me at the time I was close to becoming my father...Dr. wanted me to have a gastric bypass...I ended up loosing over 100 lbs on my own with my own changes.

I now am on a regiment that a member from this board suggested and it works great for me. I take 3 protein shakes (they allow better functionality of your muscles and your muscles burn more calories per hour when they have higher amounts of protein) a day of natural whey protein (tastes like chocolate milk) and I snack on healthy things throughout the day (carrots, apples, mozzerella cheese, yougart) and have a healthy dinner at night. I do this with excersize during the week. The weekends I allow myself free range days where I can have anything I want. I realized without allowing yourself those days people break down and usually break there diet.

The cleaner eating actually gives me more energy. I also have been having a better healing time with my foot. Which has been giving me problems for months. I also feel like my limbs are lighter easier to move and not so stiff. I know Hope is on the same regiment and it's working good for her....hey hope....you wanna add anything?

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P.S. also totally agree about getting a new haircut and/or color... I did this during Plan B and it made such an impression on FWH that it was one of the only times he tried to break my Plan B by telling me how great I looked!!! lashes

It's also really fun...I've kept my hair this way for 2 years now and get tons of compliments on it. FWH LOVES it and tells me that all the time...he doesn't even mind when I need to spend $50 to get it cut. wink


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted By: MarriedForever


It's also really fun...I've kept my hair this way for 2 years now and get tons of compliments on it. FWH LOVES it and tells me that all the time...he doesn't even mind when I need to spend $50 to get it cut. wink


Girlfriend where do you go for $50

I usually end up spending $70-$90 for cut and color...I also have long hair so that contributes bit still wow $50

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I know I need a new cut and color, last time I cut my hair I did it myself at 4 in the morning while suffering from a cluster migraine hoping that the lack of hair would help. Now its growing back and showing the choppy job I did. Not to mention the gray is really showing now and its getting worse. I could curse my father for this dang genetic annoyance of going gray super young.

I can't wait to do something new. I've been experimenting with my make up and am trying to learn how to sew so I can work on my new wardrobe.

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SS2, thank you for starting this thread. cool

I am very guilty of being Mrs. Frump through the years. My WH was the "pretty one". Well now I feel better than I have in years -- physically even though I struggle mentally some days with this crisis. hurray

First I was on the infidelity diet -- Yes you know it when D Day smacks you in the face. Instead of binge eating I couldn't eat which was not the norm for me. puke

When I realized I was dropping pounds I joined a gym which I go to during lunch most days during the week. I initially joined so I would not obsess about WH sneaking out at lunch with OW because we all work in the same place...how lovely.

My update is that I have lost 38 pounds. I need to lose 30-35 more. 40 if I reach my nirvana! hurray

I do yoga (which I have never done) 2x a week. Ride bike, weights all that good stuff. I feel stronger and see results.
I know the weight takes longer to come off as you get older but this is the lightest I have weighed in 15 years. dance2

Last week I signed myself and D15 up for a "boot camp" at the gym. They take before/after pics, BMI, weigh-ins, nutrition and you work with personal trainers for 8 weeks 1x a week. It will be grueling but I think it will get me off of my plateau.

Like SIHW, I have been drinking protein drinks here and there and they do help.

Most BS have very low low self esteem. But I read here forget self-esteem we need to learn self-respect. I know the greatest weapon in this is to look and live well. I bought high heels which I never wore for years and years. When WH saw them he said when did you start wearing heels, he noticed the weight loss. Is he home -- no but I am the one sharing my time with DD and he is missing it all. think

I have thanked God in March when I met some fellow MBers. (You know who you are and what a blessing for these women) They were a God send to me when I needed it most. D15 and me got our haircuts and streaked, new makeup and did I mention shopping. We went to Fredericks and for the first time I had some great push-me ups, out whatever! (is this woman only! --) I made some real investments in myself. I bought new make-up and how I applied it; I dress differently, got rid of the dowdy clothes and I feel better about me through this hell I am going through. pray

Inside I work on being attractive and lose some of my criticism for others, controlling attitude and trying to let go of things. I attend Al-non and work on my own serenity.

And finally there is karma or ying-yang. While I am starting to thrive - my WH looks bad, he is drinking and it shows; he is on ADs and it shows; he is bloated and it shows. One of my coworkers saw OW and said she looked haggard; face lined; hair hanging; and gained at least 15 pounds. crosseyedcrazy twobyfour



Thanks for starting this.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted By: hope3343
We went to Fredericks and for the first time I had some great push-me ups, out whatever! (is this woman only! --)


It's called lift and seperate baby cakes.... grin clap rotflmao

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With regard to the question about running 5K's and keeping caloric intake to about 1200 calories....I run 4 days a week (two endurance runs, one Farflek - speed, and one long run. I do 5K's and am training for a 1/2 Marathon. I keep my caloric intake to no more than 1500 calories a day but, usually, right around 1300. I also work out with a personal trainer 2 days a week. I have plenty of energy and my BMI (which I just had updated last week) is at 21.

Another thing I thought of....teeth whitening.

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A lot of times, if you can make it past the first 2 weeks, the out of control appetite and cravings disappear. Some great eating:

Breakfast

Instant oatmeal (the original kind) with a scoop of whey protein.
(200 calories)

1 cup Non-fat Bulgarian Yoghurt with a scoop of whey protein and a banana or strawberries all blended together.

Mid-morning

Myoplex Carb Control or Lite Shake or meal replacement bar

Lunch

Options are endless...gravitate toward Turkey, Chicken or Fish (Tilapia has 120 calories per serving) with veggies or in a salad. Avoid dressings of any kind or use just Balsamic Vinegar

Mid-afternoon

Myoplex Carb Control or Lite shake or meal replacement bar

Dinner

Same as lunch, add a glass of read wine - Pinot Noir has 120 calories per serving and is full of antioxidants

Before bed

Myoplex Carb Control or Lite shake or meal replacement bar

I also supplement with vitamins and amino acids and use the FRS Energy drinks.

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Count me in! Mrs.W and Marriedforever have been so helpful in my desire to change my eating habits. I am not on a "diet" but on a quest for health. My goal is to lose 30lbs, which I have already lost around 17. (depending on water weight) I became a Mary Kay lady last year so my skin care and make up have drastically improved! smile I am working out on my Wii Fit every day for 4 weeks now and it really shows. My pants are hanging on me now.

My FWH told me I can buy new clothes when I hit the 20 lb mark, so I have about 3 to go.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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