Hello! This is my 1st post but I've been lurking for months. My husband has been "caught" several times and each time he swears it's done. The last time was in January. Well, now he tells me that she called him several times and he was afraid of making her mad because she threatened to talk to me. He said she wanted to meet him last weekend and when he said no, she make threats and said he would "regret" it. He tells me that she's become "psycho". Well she called me and tells me a much different story than him. But it's exactly what he said she would do. My husband has proven to be a liar but swears it's over and is willing to do anything to save our marriage. I'm so torn because I love him and want to be married but it just seems so dumb to keep putting myself back in the same situation. Should I believe her and just leave? or should I believe him and stay? I would actually feel better if he came clean and stopped lying, but I'm not sure he's capable of that. Please give me your opinions. I'm so stuck between what's logical and what my heart wants...

Is this is his first affair? How long married? Children? Is the OW married and do they work together?

> Well she called me and tells me a much different story than him.

Chances are they are BOTH lying and the truth is somewhere in the middle ground.

Cheaters lie...ALL of them.

This is the first affair that I know of. We've been married 9 yrs and it's our 2nd marriage for both of us. 2 kids each but the youngest is 18 and no kids between us. They don't work together and I know he doesn't have too much time to see her. It's been going on since Sep 08 and she's also married with younger kids. She's having marital problems and looked to my husband for sympathy/advice, or at least that's how he says it started.

Two things:

First a question: were either you or your H M'd at the time you started your relationship?

Second, a suggestion: you need expose your H's activities to the OWH. He might not even be aware of these supposed "marital problems" the OW is experiencing (which most likely are due to her adulterous behaviour).

Neither of us were married when we met. The other woman's husband knows of their relationship and they are getting divorced. I think that's why this other woman wants my husband to leave me to be with her.
My husband says that's when he told her that would never happen and she got mad and called me.
My issue now is not who to believe, because I just got my husband to admit to having an ongoing relationship with her since January. So - he was lying.
Now my dilemma is: I know in my head that my husband is a compulsive liar and he's likely to keep hurting me and I need to end our marriage now.
But - I feel like I still love him and I want to be married to him. I could get over this and we could be happy together if I knew he wouldn't do it again, or if I knew he wouldn't keep lying to me. That's the problem...there's no way I'll ever know.
Is it really that hard for a cheater to stop a relationship like it says in the book? I just find it so hard to understand how you can look someone in the eye and lie, but still claim to love you? Is it possible? Should I give him another chance or should I run???

Have you talked to her husband? If not, do so today.

DO NOT BELIEVE your husband if he says OWH already knows. He and OW spent time together - probably in bed (sorry) - laying out the 'truth' they were going to give everyone so they could keep it up.

Now that you have found out, it's even more exciting for them to find ways to still see each other without getting caught. Part of what makes affairs so appealing, I guess.

Anyway, call him yourself!

So your husband will never stop lying to you, and he has the moral ineptitude to cheat on you - REPEATEDLY.

Why would you believe him?

Set up a polygraph test for him, and the day of, or night before, tell him he WILL be going or he is gone.