Another bad day.....

WH is outprocessing his military unit and violated NC. Even thugh we had talked about it 4 or 5 times, what he would do if she came to him, he still went outside to "say good-bye". He says it was "closing the door". We had a couple of phone calls about this today. After the first one, when I said I could not talk about this, he said he called the command to report her violation of the no contact order. I told him I would check the phone records tomorrow to verify. When I told him his "closure" was just another "fix", he got really angry and after I called him a gaslighting POS, I hung up. So much for me not getting angry...

I feel like I am back at D-Day 1, except a little more numb. I think if you hit your thumb with a hammer 20 times, it still hurts the 20th time, but you get used to the hurting. I don't think I can be with someone who has this little regard for my feelings.

Meanwhile, we have a contract on our house. My focus (if i cam ever find it) will be to get the house sold and moved to the next house. DS has camp coming up and I know I have to get away. I don't think I can stay here alone for 10 days.

Any advice from someone who has had to deal with multiple breaks of NC?

AM
AM

Multiple violations of NC really tar down your resolve to stay married, but many people here have gone through them. It is kind of like an alcoholic stopping drinking. There may be some false starts. But at least they will be physically separated which should help.

I know it is very hurtful and you feel disregarded, but try to get through this without LB'ing. I'm very hopeful for your marriage.

Thanks, Believer.

I guess I had started to think we were in recovery. But not.... There have been multiple contacts over the last few months. My WH seemed as though he could avoid initiating contact, but could never say no when she initiated. He had never written a NC letter and I think it was a huge miss on my part when I did not attach importance to his reluctance.

Even today, when he was "closing the door", he did not say "Never contact me again." It is like waiting for the other shoe to drop sometime in the future (next mont, next year, 10 years from now) when she calls or emails him, and off he goes again.

My point of view today is that I do not know if I can continue with someone who selfishly places our marriage in such jeapordy. On the other hand, my IC has asked me where my line in the sand is and I don't know. Perhaps, there is a point when I don't think I will be able to "get over it". My strategies for dealing with resentment that were working so well are totally inadequate today.

AM

Good post. I was a military wife. My then 1stSG husband and I were doing well, so I thought when a new private was put under his command. He was not even deployed at the time...it happened at Annual Training. I was not part of that military life and they bonded with that. A year of back and forth and hell later we finally separated and divorced. Him and the OW got married and were deployed together, then he was just employed and well...cheated on her...it is interesting to read what she posts on her my space...things like...how could he do this to our marriage...things I asked...ironic...any way got off subject...it took me a long time to quit blaming all military. Don't flame me...I support all of our troops...but the military in general can leave a bittersweet taste at times. I believe the lifestyle of the military is very nurturing to affairs...JMHO

28 years and the Army sucked the very life out of me at the end. We have had almost no family life in the past 5 and 1/2 years since the start of the war. The WH was able to make it home for some important events, but missed many, many others. Just yesterday, he missed our DS coming home from a camping trip with the scouts. A simple thing, but the DS was just bubbling when he walked in the door. By the next morning, talking to the WH/Dad, the bubbling was reduced and the stories ended when the WH said he had to go to lunch. They are pretty much strangers and the DS is ambivelent to his Dad's comings and goings.

I have a friend whose H (He is a WH, BTW and they don't know what will happen next with them) CHOSE to deploy to Afghanistan rather than go to his own daughter's wedding. He could have delayed the deployment, but did not even ask. He is on his second A. Now retired, the first A was never revealed while he was in the military. This couple, like my H and I have been, are separated by military assignment.

Dr Harley talks about choices in careers and the military being one of the bad choices if you are M. Guess it is like the old saying, "If the (insert branch of service) wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one."



AM

No longer in the military life, but I know what you are talking about as I still have to deal with it. Ex and OW/NEW WIFE are both deployed at opposite times and once together so my little one deals with it...so if you want to chat let me know...I will check this often as I am strong now and want to help. Though have to admit reading my old posts did bring back some stabs.

Thanks Muffincups. I think maybe that is what Dino had in mind when he started this thread, although I ended up with most of my story on it. Sorry Dino, did not mean to HJ the thread.

My WH has a couple of posts on here. He is Wayward_idiot on the recovery forum. He is de-mobing at Fort Benning this week and should be home soon.

We are LEAVING the military totally behind. I retired the 1st of March and WH has applied for retirement effective 1 Oct. I will NOT miss the military. We have a son who is in the Army stationed in Germany and we will soon be retirees and proud parents of a Soldier and nothing more.

Bump for the new military on the site. Adultery happens with this profession at a high rate as well. It's not just the docs.

AM

XH is military. OW was the fiance of his troop. According to XH, the affair became physical after the kid deployed to Iraq. Hmmm, wonder why he didn't get his promotion?