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Pariah, I'm with you, it seems there's a bit of denial going on or perhaps a lack of objectivity.

Only the truth will set you free. Find the truth.


Me: 48 XW: 44 DD: 15
Lived Together: 7 Married: 18 Total: 25 years
W announced divorce 11-3-2006, I moved out 11-7-2006, served papers 11-8-2006. Divorce final 12-19-2006. Life gets better every day.
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T/J

Booka, long time no see....not that you haven't been around...I just haven't seen you around.

End T/J

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No hard feelings

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Originally Posted By: 3natalie3
No hard feelings


****

Last edited by Asterisk; 05/15/09 06:25 AM. Reason: profanity

I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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roflmao!

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I don't drop by here much and now provide my updates via email for some rather obvious reasons. If you would care for my updates, email me.

I do monitor a few users on here, Pariah and Holdingontoit as examples.


Me: 48 XW: 44 DD: 15
Lived Together: 7 Married: 18 Total: 25 years
W announced divorce 11-3-2006, I moved out 11-7-2006, served papers 11-8-2006. Divorce final 12-19-2006. Life gets better every day.
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HH,

Definitions which are more specific and less general are better than those which are more general. You are expanding the term abuse to the point where it becomes useless in conversation. Perhaps you mean annoys or something less severe than the above definition of abuse.

For example, if I were to claim that my xWW raped me. It is not really helpful if I have some very broad definition of rape, like say any sex I ever regret at any time.


Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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Yes. Abuse IS a very serious accusation. And abuse is wrong. That is why I addressed it. Verbal abuse is wrong. Insulting someone is a form of verbal abuse. I took a university course last semester that was titled Adult, Child, and Elder Abuse. That is how I know. If anyone would like to contend the definition of "verbal abuse" with PhDs, feel free to take it up with my professors, please feel free. I didn't make up the definition myself.

BTW "bullying" is a form of abuse as well.

Pariah's recent posts continue to be filled with verbal abuse.

****edit****

Last edited by Asterisk; 05/13/09 04:10 PM. Reason: Please leave the moderating to the moderators

"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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HH,

I'm going to leave you in your own world here. You may want to review the 22 logical fallacies from your classes in logic to see why the previous posting is not worth comment. Yes, lawyer talk from debate class but still worth a review.

I was wondering are you a therapist? Also just a point these forums are a discussion of equals, not a therapy session.





Last edited by 6yearsleft; 05/13/09 01:07 PM. Reason: clarification.

Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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3natalie3,
[[[[[[[[hug]]]]]]]] (that's supposed to be a "hug"!) Thank you. =) Your words mean a lot. Thank you for your support.



Pariah,
You stated:
"I was open and honest with HH and she took it personal and has been projectiong her continued abusive personality traits toward me with more and more fever."

I "took it personal"? Do you really think you can throw insults at people and have it be anything other than personal? You seem to be in denial as far as how your words/behavior affect other people. I am not the only person who has objected to your abuse-- this seems to be a patterned behavior on your part. Additionally, it is shocking MB has not done anything more about it.

As I have addressed, you are projecting onto me your own feelings and speculations, likely from your own marriage, because it is clear they have nothing to do with me.

I just see lots of red flags going off, Pariah, when I look at your posts. Vindictiveness, antisocial, I don't know what's going on, maybe a bit of narcissism? because it just seems you want to make my post about you! When it doesn't have anything to do with you. You are perfectly content that you came onto my post and sabotaged it, and created all this "drama", which by this time has become comical in and of itself..


All these comments, attacking me, etc, have nothing to do with my post. Appropriate responses would have been people asking about what I have learned, commenting about what they have learned in their experience, sharing, encouraging, etc. Attacking, insulting, invalidating, projecting... these things I am shocked people felt ok posting, that they didn't feel ashamed by this behavior...since it is abuse.

****edit****

Last edited by Asterisk; 05/15/09 06:27 AM. Reason: Threatening MB and persistent gaslighting will not be tolerated

"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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HH,

Now you are really in my area. You would never ever win such a lawsuit. I think if you filed against the site or Pariah, that my friends could get him damages from you for a frivolous lawsuit.


Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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6yearsleft,

It is just not my belief that we should take the lowest common denominator when we are talking about moral or life-validating/life-invalidating issues. Should we only object to abuse when there is a bruise on someone? That is what some people would say. Since the definition of abuse would naturally defer to those (such as licensed psychologists and psychiatrists) who are qualified from their expertise to define it, it would make sense that that is where we would look. It makes sense that the "masses" is not where we would try to hone a definition. Many people may be verbally abusive to their children; that does not make it ok. We should not use the lowest common denominator in defining what is acceptable when it comes to something like verbal abuse, which studies have shown has far longer lasting impacts then physical abuse.

I would love to discuss logic with you. Is there a specific fallacy you are thinking about?


"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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HH,

Physical abuse that maims or kills last forever.

I'm saying more specific words are better than lumping a whole range of behaviors into one bucket. That way we can actually discuss different behaviors quickly instead of listing them off.

Her are the logical fallacies I see you using commonly. I could not remember the proper name for two of the ones I saw.

Argumentum ad hominem
Argumentum ad misericordian
Argumentum ad nauseam
Argumentum ad numerum
Argumentum ad verecundiam
Dicto simpliciter
Naturalistic Fallacy
Red herring
Tu quoque


Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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What does all this grandstanding about how mistreated you are - by an anonymous poster - have to do with you being someone who cheats and then feels miserable because her betrayed spouse leaves her?

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6yearsleft,

********edit***********

Last edited by Asterisk; 05/13/09 04:20 PM. Reason: Threatening MB. Leave the Moderating and comments about the Moderating to the Moderators Please.

"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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Hi CatPerson,

I think these posts give all of us a peek inside the psyche of a person who cheats on their spouse. While it is frustrating to read it is also kind of fascinating.


Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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HH - I can empathize with your perspective here. I have felt ganged up on here before too, and I think it's actually quite common for people to use this place to fight battles with their spouses and ex-spouses by proxy. I think you have some legitimate points.

However, I am going to ask you to reconsider some of your comments. It's a generally accepted notion here that offense and hurt stemming from the opinions of others is an internal issue best addressed by the offended. Pariah can call you every nasty name in the book - doesn't make it true. If what he's saying isn't true, then why give it any concern. I suspect that the admins here at MB generally take a hands off approach because it's a way to learn and practice some boundary enforcement. The TOS specifically ask MB members to put others on "ignore" before asking for mod or admin intervention.

I actually had one member e-stalk me from thread to thread, taunting me after I put him on ignore. At one point, he tried to make some nasty comments re to my divorce; kind of a no-no around here. The admins finally did step in, but not because I asked them to. He was derailing other peoples' threads trying to provoke me.

Now, instead of getting upset and complaining about abuse, I saw the situation for what it really was; his issues, not mine. His behavior said everything about him, and nothing about me.

FTR, I am a moderator on a couple of boards and well, and believe me, this stuff is sandbox level flaming compared to what happens at other sites. The point being, comparing here to anywhere else is apples and oranges and the appeal to authority argument (bigger boards, your college courses, et al) won't carry much water.

MB is it's own environment with it's own culture. You can claim superiority of knowledge through someone else's training all you want, but there are many schools of thought in any discipline, and there's always going to be someone out there with more knowledge or better credentials. That's not really a winning argument. wink

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Catperson,
that is what I'm wondering. Why does the anonymous poster, Pariah, issue out all these mistreatments when they are unrelated to my letter?

I'm not "grandstanding". I have said no to Pariah's projections, shared that they are not about me, they are not accurate, and addressed his verbal abuse (because it was appropriate to do so, because I have worth and I matter and I am worth standing up for), and I have addressed how the stuff he's written is really not appropriate for my post (because it's not about my post!) LOL. Talk about hyjacking a thread. Pariah did not write about my feelings, he did not comment on my letter, all he did is throw mud at me.

It is getting clear to me that staying on topic is very difficult for people here. I write about one thing, and people make it about something other (which I did not write about). It is a thread jack. When I address how the comments aren't pertinent and ask for the verbal abuse to stop, instead I receive justifications as to why people are entitled to continue to be verbally abusive. I am very doubtful that the contributors in this really even have clear vision as to what they are doing.


6yearsLeft,

Thank you for the logical fallacy list. I don't really have the emotionally energy to address all of that, primarily because it would be a long paper just to show why my thoughts are valid, and frankly, I am not attempting to cement the definition of verbal abuse into some philosophical foundation to explain why it is what it is. We could never make progress as a people if everything we know (such as intangibles like a universal moral law) had to be qualified in order to be acknowledged and to live by it. Perhaps you have pointed out a huge blind spot of the legal system here...

Thank you for what you shared, however. Kind of shows how lawyers can manipulate the definition of good/bad in order to bend what is accepted as good and bad.


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Seabird,

Yes, I understand what you wrote. I am addressing it, though, because it is verbal abuse,

********edit************

And the defintion I shared is textbook definition. I can't find my text right now, but it's in:
Barnett, O., Miller-Perrin, C., and Perrin, R. (2004). Family violence across the lifespan: An introduction (2nd ed.). San Francisco: Sage Publications. ISBN: 0761927565

So anyways, I see the situation for what it is. Yes, I know it's not my issues. I will STILL address the verbal abuse. And I still believe it does not belong on a forum.

********edit*********

Last edited by Asterisk; 05/13/09 04:26 PM. Reason: Leave the Moderating to the Moderators

"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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HH,

Perhaps we should just make you the dictator and let you set the rules for all of us. (sarcasm). Of course, we need a logical discussion of what is right and wrong, and what is allowed. BTW - you just used another fallacy.

I prefer the world where we have actual discussions based on commonly agreed definitions to decide what is right. I'm done now, since you are not interested in logical discussion and do not have emotional energy.


Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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