Sweet Peachy...

The best guide, imo:

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?"
Matthew 7:16

Peaches know to wait for the "fruit"...

Mrs. W

Don't know your backstory, but it sounds like XWH is trying to ease his conscience more than anything else.

Like BR, I don't know your back story. Does that make me more or less objective? Dunno, but all I could see in that ramble was a lot of insincere blah blah.

He cheated you out of money? Where's the offer to put that right?

He's selfishly demolished not one, but TWO marriages, and he is now dispensing marital advice to YOU?

Got himself in legal trouble connected to work somehow, but he--in one month's time, no less--is now qualified to tell others how to live? Without knowing him, this just reeks of arrogance to me. I can find nothing in his words that remind me of the Christ he has supposedly found.

I don't see any evidence of real "conversion." I see a man who's just sorry he got caught. Proof will be in the choices he makes once he's out in the real world again.

Agree it's good and noble of you to forgive in your heart, but I hope you will keep him OUT of your life.

JP, I see a man trying to change. He is not an eloquent writer and there is still some arrogance in his words but he must be going through hell at the moment. I hope when this ugly mess is resolved, he can start to be the loving father that your son probably is craving.

Yes, he is flawed and the letter is flawed but my, what a cynical bunch some of you are!

TT...

Certainly he could be sincere, but without actions, words are meaningless...(and for him to try and "school" Peachy is just a bit rich)

It's rather convenient for him to make a "change" while he's incarcerated...What else does he have to do but read and write? He needs things to kill time right now....

I think all of us are just trying to look out for dear Peachy...She went through hell, and many of us have a big ole soft spot for her...

Time will tell...

Mrs. W

Peachy...

Am I correct in remembering that your ExH was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder?

Mrs. W

I just can't resist....

So you think he has a "special friend" in the slam?

nevertheless my advice remains

"Be wary"

Am I reading this right?
Is he not insulting you with this?

Peach -- I read this earlier, and am just now coming back to post -- but I gotta agree with the wise Pep and others. This is just a bunch of flowery gibberish.

How presumptive of him to educate you! He is actually LOVEBUSTING you in this letter!

You may have a soft spot for it, because I'm sure your heart has wanted an apology for a long time.

But what I notice is he doesn't really go all the way with it.
He never really says "I am sorry". He says I hope God will help YOU. As if all the actions of forgiving him are not UP TO HIM and HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE...

I agree with many others that it comes across as condescending and self-serving. Maybe I'm just a skeptic though. How many people in jail have a religious awakening? Almost all of them.... That alone is cause to be skeptical.

We need the expert analysis of Schoolbus!! Can somebody page her??

Mindshare

Peachy, I just looked up your WxH and I gotta tell you:

DO NOT BUY INTO THIS LETTER!!!

Listen to Pep. The man does NOT get it!

He has NO respect for women and I seriously doubt if he suddenly found respect within a month after being locked up.

I suspect that he is wanting his ex-wife (YOU), whom he treated horrendously, to testify that he is indeed a changed man.

Bear in mind that he actually involved his affairwife in his crime!

GAG! Do not pay any attention to his WORDS! Remember, he is essentially a CON ARTIST!!!

Why? Because everyone finds God in jail?

Charlotte

Peachy - I'm not saying anything as far as advice or the validity of his sudden transformation ... except:

BE WARY (keen caution and watchfulness)

Heck Peachy,

I can understand why you were glad to get the letter.

For the first time the guy admits he was wrong, that has to give you a little satisfaction, right?

If he has made changes for good...who cares? You have a new life that is so much better now.

At least you got a little closure and satisfaction from the deal.

SWW

That's the whole point.

So, he wants you to pray that God will make all your pains X caused go away. Nothing about apologizing.



Finally, an apology for something.


So, he's apologizing for not being there for you.

* * * * * *

Do you realize that the only concrete thing he has apologized for is for not communicating with you about the issues he and his current wife were/are facing.

He did own the nebulous "not being there for you and not being true to the promise he made".

He didn't own any other mistakes. He didn't own cheating on you, he didn't own breaking into your home. He didn't own hiding assets from you. He owned almost none of the things he did to you.

He just apologized for not communicating about 2nd marriage issues and for not being true to his promise.

Peachy, I hope the transformation in this supreme-POSXH's life is real. I really do. But, I don't want you to be devastated when he gets out and returns to his old self. Hopefully that won't happen but, if it does, please remember that we are here for you.

Yes, there are alot imho WS type mentality..but alas he's thankfully NOT my WS..he's the X!!!

Knowing the huge ego that he has had, this is about as sincere as he has been in over seven years.

What is important and what I want the WS here to take notice of is his regret. He does regret what he lost and what he did. What he SHOULD imho have done? List HOW he was wrong.

Yes, he misrepresented and lied about the finances during the D. We'll see if/when he gets out if he is willing to make good on what is now an old wrong. I always wished he would have done that. That's the only thing. That and actually admitting...I DID THIS (list the things) to YOU and I am SORRY. He never admittied the adultery enough instead he used WS speak to say he let me down. (I guess having two mistresses and one of the two get pregnant is letting somebody down huh? insert me rolling my eyes here).

And yes he says he's thankful I get along with her. I figure she had the worst end of the deal. She had to live with him and she went thru alot more than I did. He aand I at least had many good years together before he became the WS he has been..he jumped immediatley from being my WS to her WS..within a week! How wild is that? I only am cordial because her daughter is my son's half sister. For the sake of that child, I am nice. Only for that child btw. Yea, she got the short end of the stick. I moved on, continued working on me, kept my child and work in the forefront, slowly made good progress and when I least expected it, met the guy I will be with forever. He has not only the kindest and yet strongest heart around, but he's loving and very protective of my son and I and is a fantastic male role model for my son.

Btw, my bf doesn't want to be his friend. I don't want to either. Just coparent peacefully. Peacefully being the key word. He was so incredulously disrespectful for years, rewrote every word of our past history to the point he justified..everything and nothing. He doesn't want him over for dinner, no "I love you man" heart to heart talks. My guy and I follow POJA and we both don't want or need that kind of backward tracking in our R.

I was joking on the phone w/another old timer MB'er who has reconciled today and I told him that the only reason I even put it up here is because the other WS..they need to know what's going to be their situation in the future. They need to know THIS and ONLY THIS.

That when the WS pulls their head outta their a@s long enough to actually see--SEE the reality of what they did, and the fog clear for juuuust a little while, they will be utterly astounded by the destruction and their OWN ACTIONS. In fact, I'd assume many WS would be HORRIFIED by their self-created reality. so if this letter HELPS some WS see that my ultra arrogant xWH could even come to regret this much, then there's got to be alot of crap in that fog. that the SHADOW relationship is just that. A shadow of reality and a destructor of families.

Ok....I just didn't want you to buy this sob story and think everything was hunky-dory.

I want you to be a keen Peachy. It's fine with me if you are moved and believe this is a life transformation for him. Just look at him sort of for a while.

'Cuz I'm not sure he's really changed yet. Regretful for now - yes. But, regretful and changed for life......

>they will be utterly astounded by the destruction and their OWN ACTIONS.

Having seen a WH do this with my own two little eyes, I can vouch for the validity of this statement.