could use a little insight here. As I mentioned before I told Wh that I did not receive his emails, but yet he still sends them. Maybe for his case IDK. But this last one is in response to my plan b back up letter where I told him that it was a mistake that I broke nc and would not do it again. And reinforced my conditions- one of which was that he come to town and meet with me- only to recover our marriage. Here is his response which makes me think he still doesn't get it or maybe he just still can't say it. B4 anyone swings the 2x4 about the emails I do have them set to block which means they go to my archive which I check once a month but never respond to.

"You are absolutely clear about what you said in your email.

I hope with all of my heart that you are OK. I pray you and the magic bean are healthy. I wish I could have seen you. You had an energy in the beginning, and I hope it is better than ever right now.

My guilt and regret comes largely from the pain I have caused you.

It seems too late to come to town to "talk." This now is about a healthy happy childbirth. The most incredible moment of your life, as you said. I will not interfere with that. "

He sounds way foggy. There is not ONE sentance here that is giving you any help. I mean his intentions or directions for future use.

"You are absolutely clear about what you said in your email"..
O.K., he's captain obvious, but what did HE understand from it?
Maybe not your points at all.

"It seems too late to come to town and talk,,,blah,blah..."
What he is saying here is he is not planning on seeing you, and he needs to rationalize to himself, why.

I hope he pulls his head outa his hinny >sp? but he seems in total selfish mode.

the thing is that confuses me about the statement "it seems too late to come to town to talk" is that in the last paragraph of my plan b email back up to him (which this is his response to) is that I told him that I was due to have the baby either that night or anytime in the next week. Well it ended up being that night.

So I am trying to figure out if it was "too late to come to town" because he wasn't able to get here before the baby was born, or if it "too late" for us to "talk" about fixing us. The reason this confuses me is because he says "it is now about a healthy delivery blah blah blah"

What I also don't get is the guilt and regret statement. Does this mean that he does not regret getting involved with OW just that I found out? Because that is kind of my interpretation of this. But the whole email just seems kinda all over the place.

Also-

I received flowers the Mond I got back from the Hospital. A dozen pink roses, with a card that read "to my beautiful baby daughter Rylan and her Mother. Happy Birthday and Happy Mothers Day. Love Dad.

Well needless to say I wanted to puke when I read this. It takes more than a genetic donation to be a "Dad". But as I read it, I am about 85-90% sure that his mother sent them and wrote the note. It just doesn't sound like my H writing. Although I can't be sure anymore I used to think that he would never cheat.

Congratulations on your sweet one!

Thanks! I can't stop kissing and squeezing her. I think she is annoyed with me already, oh well at least she can't stop me from doing it yet:)

BoB,
Congratulatons on your new arrival. If you are a first-time mom I hope you have a good book like "The First Years" - you are going to need it.



I felt sick when I read this by your WH. He is so disconnected from you and his own biological child. His written statement and sending flowers is like a Jeckle & Hide - two different people. I'm truly sorry for the pain that you have to go through at one of most special times in your life - your WH is a a..hole! Continue your Plan B - reread it so you continue to remind yourself of what you should be doing and not doing. Don't get caught up in all his fogspeak because you're the only one that will get frustrated trying to analyze nonsense. Focus on yourself and the baby which will be easy to do - I can tell you are a good mom already!

GG

Thanks for all of those who have chimed in so far.

Today I got another whammy- Since I have cut off phone and email, he sent a card snail mail.

The card is a short and cute, about not needing sleep when you've got me with a picture of a baby on the front.

Inside it reads Happy New Mother's Day
His inscription: "I hope you and Rylan are happy and healthy I would love to come and meet her. Please let me know. Mark"

I have given up on the idea of his pulling his head out of his heiny and him reconciling with me so now my issue becomes what do i do for my daughter? How do I know what is right for her. Should I give them the opportunity to meet early on? or Make him wait? I feel like if I make him wait for the courts to set visitation they could lose time to bond and I look like a vindictive beotch.
It is no longer about me or even us (Mark and I) it is about what is right for my daughter and her father if he truly plans on being in her life.

What do I do? How do I respond? Do I respond? Why can't he realize that if he just took the initiative to get on the plane without being told or invited I wouldn't stop him from seeing her. I don't need to be there, I have family that could supervise their visit, so I wouldn't be breaking my plan b. But what does that even matter at this point, it is clear that it is plan D no matter what.

HELP! Please- anyone!?

I wouldn't say D for sure, unless that is what you really want.

I'm no expert, but my gut says I'd probably go back, in writing, with a message. "You have received my letter that instructs you of the path back to Rylan and I, and being a family. Once again, I will not share you, because we committed to eachother and there is no room for another in that equation. (Love lettery in here because that's what a B is, right?) You need to be completely broken away from <<<insert Whorina's name here>>> and committed to being 100% transparent to me such that we can rebuild the trust. Your cellphone and mine would be interchangeable, your number would be changed, and your email addresses changed and passwords readily available to me. I married you out of love, and I still have that love for you, but I will not be in contact with you in anyway unless and until you are willing to commit to a very definitive plan of recovery, so that I cannot be further hurt by your careless and dishonorable behavior. You were always a man of honor, and I expect, hope and believe that you can again be such a man, for me, and for Rylan..." Or something like that.

The problem is that just as I have made it crystal clear in writting several times now what that path back to is, he has made it equally clear that he does not want to take it. Despite my best efforts and trying to read between the lines with him not one thing he has said or done has given me cause to think that he might change his minds. He does not want to be with me, but claims he wants to know his daughter. As painful as it is I just have to accept that just as I have to accept the fact he is her father and if he really is going to be a part of her life I have to try and make sure that I don't let my emotional baggage interfere with their relationship.

And as far as wanting the D, no I don't but none of this is or has been about what I want. It has gone to far, he keeps pushing it through and it is only a matter of time before it is final. Besides, if the birth of his child didn't have some sort of effect on him as far as a reality check, than maybe he really isn't the man I rhought he was

Again, no expert here, but from a distance his daughter may be an abstract concept to his foggy mind.

Has he ever answered whether the A is (supposedly) over?

I would send a note back asking if he ended his A yet? Nothing more. IMHO, Rylan is too young to leave mom and mom is in plan B. Unless you have a trusted relative to sit in the room while he visits with Rylan and you go for a walk, I would not even discuss it yet.

I found your thread--posted to you on the doctors as WS thread...I'm in that category as well, as my WH (maybe FWH??--can't tell yet) is a doctor too.

I'm pretty speechless about your WH and his attitude towards you and your new little one (congrats!!!)...hang tight in plan B...his fog is pretty thick now. Lots of self pity in those emails, but not much action ( I have the same kind of emails from my WH, so I understand...)

Focus on you and your little one...I'll keep following your thread now.

Just spoke to my atty. I have to allow WH to see daughter before court order is in place. Since I am bfdng this poses to be very difficult. Add in the fact that I live with my mother and she just informed me that "he is not welcome at my house" (not that I blame her) I am not sure how to handle this. Small comforts are that this probably will not happen for about a month, and I made it clear to my atty that OW is not to be present.

I am going to look into catholic social services and see if they provide supervised visits in a controlled setting, otherwise I am just going to have to meet him in a public place and sit with him for a few hours and watch. BARF.

Quick overview for those who have not read my entire thread. I am 2500 miles away from my WH, I just gave birth to our DD, I have not seen him since Nov, d-day 9/26/08 but denied, then again on 12/24/08 with undeniable proof. He filed for D at end of Jan, I have no idea if he is still with ow. I have sent plan b letter x2 and am currently in plan b.

My dilema is that my atty told me that I have to allow my wh to come to MI to visit the baby. I live with my parents currently due to finances, they do not want him here, but I think I am might be able to convince them otherwise. Since my DD is so young the visits have to be supervised by myself or my mother- she will not do it. Plus I am bfding so my proximity is also an issue for the situation.

I have made it clear to my atty that ow is not allowed to be present, but I can only make that happen on private property( my parents house) otherwise I can not stop ow from being where baby and I are.

How do I handle this, I am in plan b, the divorce is being pushed through by my WH. So do I chuck plan b move onto plan fu/d ?

When I see him how should I act, what should I say? What do I do? I am not 100% sure what I want anymore, but the one thing I am certain about is that I want the option to see if we are salvageable? Does that make sense?

Please I really need some help with this, it is kinda outside the prescribe plan b so I am stuck.