Original NC letter (of which I read and approved) went out in Aug of 2006.
OW replied to this and threaten me that I better not mess up because she would take him back in a heartbeat cuz she believe he really did love her

We didn’t hear anything until 1 year later.
Sept of 2007, OW sends SD and invite to myspace.
I blocked it and told FWH
One week later FWH gets a phone text “Hi its OW just wonderin how ur doin – phone#”
He tells me right away (One more positive step toward recovery)
FWH & I decide to send NC letter #2

This one read:
OW I asked you to respect my decision and never contact me or my family ever again. Your recent myspace invite to SD was blocked. I told my wife about the text. Do not reply to this email, you have been blocked. Do not call, do not write and do not show up. If I have missed any ways for NC consider them included. You are not welcome here physically, virtually or otherwise EVER. If you continue to try and contact me I will pursue harassment charges against you.

That was the last we heard anything…until I opened my email yesterday and there was a classmates email the FWH had one email waiting. (This is an old account that has long been expired but we still get mail from them wanting FWH to sign on for another year. Also we can’t even access the email other than to see who it was from.)
Can you guess who it was from? That’s right…OW rises again.
I have to say EVERYTHING came rushing back! I thought I would be sick!
I guess I thought after three years of recovery for FWH and I that I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.

This was an internet affair that went from March of 2006 to June of 2006. There was only one face to face encounter because of the 500 mile distance between them.
I guess I just don’t understand. Maybe someone here can lay it out for me.
What is it going to take to make OW go away?
Thoughts?

MyBad
“Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.” – Janis Joplin

Contact a lawyer about filing harrassment charges. That IS what you told her would happen.

At the LEAST, have lawyer draft a letter that if any further contact is attempted, harrassment charges will be filed.

Thanks Sexy.
Everytime I start letting go of all the BS, OW pops up.
I'm really just sick of it yanno?

MyBad

Why don't you change FWH's number and email addresses? You can also put blocks up on the email so anything with her name or other info automatically gets permanently deleted and you'll never have to see it again. Stop any means of contact before it can happen.

You can also block her on MySpace, so she can't access your pages.

I agree with this. You have to make yourself and the FWH unaccessible. Change the phone#, email accounts, etc. Block her from any sites to frequent...Myspace, Facebook, etc. Use the auto-delete on your email accounts.

Most of all, if she gets through your "defenses", don't contact her. NC means NC....not even for you or FWH.

And, if you don't let her know that she's gotten through then she'll never know.

OW received this NC letter and is now challenging it. Are you going to enforce the boundary, or are you going to cave?

This isn't a game. This has been three years of harrassment. Contact a lawyer and have them send a letter that informs her that you are pursuing harrassment charges.

Your attorney is the only one who should make contact. Ignore this now and she will be back again and again.

Agree - you can't ignore this, but neither of you can respond directly, either. A nice attorney letter sounds like just the thing.

I really hope this isn't me someday . . . NC e-mail went out 12/23/08 and so far so good.

Anyway, send the letter from your attorney and have it sent certified. Having to sign for something like that should scare her.

I agree that if you told her you would file charges, then you should.

I ALSO agree that your FWH needs to "disappear"...change any and all possible channels of contacing him, including deleting his myspace account.

My FWH had fears of this happening as well so he changed everything...email addresses (mine included), phone numbers, and deleted all online accounts. Shoot, we even moved out of state to make d*mn sure we could never be found.

Your FWH hasn't taken enough "extraordinary precautions"...he needs to step up some more in order to protect you.

Thank you for all the replies! I really appreciate the input.
FWH does not have a myspace of facebook. All phone numbers have been changed. He no longer work at his old job so that phone number is no good anymore either. I really thought I had all my bases covered! We no longer have the classmates account. But we do get emails every once and a while requesting we sign up again for another year.

I just have to say I am really floored at the persistance of this person. I just don't understand why! I think you have to be really twisted to persue a married man who so blatently told you to take a hike.
I just don't get it...

MyBad

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.” - Erica Jong.

Sounds like you guys really do have all the bases covered. I'd put a rule in my email that blocks any messages from classmates. And of course get an attorney to send a cease and desist letter. That oughta scare her but good Plus you *said* you'd do that so now you have to follow through.

Why don't you contact classmates using the link at the bottom of the email. After that, block emails from classmates. So long as you haven't gone to the site and opened the email there, POSOW won't know you have seen it.

MB posters - what is the process to file a restraining/harrassment order? What are the fees?

I'd ignore her but still look into the legal options you have should she find some other way to contact you or H. I don't know...but knowing that POSOW is foaming at the mouth trying to have contact would sort of make me and . So long as she doesn't know you've seen anything, I'd be inclined to ignore her but I would definetly knock her ugly head off if it rears again with some other form of contact.

I don't think a restraining order is applicable at this point.

http://www.larcc.org/pamphlets/children_family/get_restraining_order.htm
A restraining order is an order made by a court to protect a person from physical pain or injury or the threat of pain or injury. It can generally be issued against a family member (for example, husband, ex-husband, father of your child) or a household member (anyone with whom you live or used to live) or against someone you have recently dated. You do not have to be married to the person to get a restraining order. However, you must know where the person lives or works. A list of the people against whom restraining orders can be issued is on the restraining order form.

A cease and desist letter is probably appropriate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cease_and_desist
A cease and desist (also called C & D) is an order or request to halt an activity, or else face legal action. The recipient of the cease-and-desist may be an individual or an organization.
The term is used in two different contexts. A cease-and-desist order can be issued by a judge or government authority, and has a well-defined legal meaning. In contrast, a cease-and-desist letter can be sent by anyone, although typically they are drafted by a lawyer.

...A cease-and-desist letter is a letter demanding that the recipient refrain from a certain behavior or face legal action. Some types of behaviors that may prompt such letters include:

* Harassment by telephone by a collection agency or junk debt buyers
* Stalking or other forms of harassment...

It's really not that surprising, many OW do this. I've surmised that it's because they really are quite dysfunctional and cannot get into a healthy, legitimate relationship. If they could, they would stop the obsessing over a MM.

I actually feel sorry for someone like that...what a sad, lonely life to live.

I guess I'm not so nice, and only because she refuses to go away... I would (with spouse knowledge). Join OW's facebook, classmates, make contact with all her other friends informing the world what she is doing. Spam her email address to any and all sites as well as her cellphone. giving out personal information, phone address, etc.. He would me on 100's of new mailing lists.

In short... I would be pissed!

That would only bring OP into your lives again. NC is for life.

I definately agree with NC for life!
I figure if I respond I am just giving her what she wants.
That is the only reason I haven't picked up the phone and told POSOW to
f-off!
But then she would have our new number, thus a new way for future contact.

MyBad

“He who angers you conquers you.” – Elizabeth Kenny

She's a true fungus.

I stay away from OM and his BS at all costs. I avoid them like the plague. And, I have to tell myself when I have to shop at a different place than what I'm used to that this is a consequence that I just have to deal with and take responsibility for. A's have consequences--just the way it is. It only makes things worse when you badger/harrass someone who doesn't want to be near you. You have to avoid doing anything that will cause you further destruction. NC...