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Then I recommend separating the bills. Let her sink or swim, but don't take your credit score with it.
Another thought: if she goes out on her own and learns it's not as hunky dory as she thought, being back with you may look better and better.
Last edited by catperson; 05/19/09 09:50 AM.
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She replied back with an apology and wanted to keep trying. I told her that was fine and I'll make sure I got bills to her as early as possible. She saying she'll do the same.
I honestly don't want to spend the time switching the names, especially since I may have to switch them back if I get the house. As well, I'm feeling great about having a successful negotiation. Even if it does nothing for our relationship, I gained confidence in being able to negotiate without issues.
And I don't know why I didn't think about this before, but there is no reason I can't go online or make a phone call to make sure payments are made.
Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
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Another thought: if she goes out on her own and learns it's not as hunky dory as she thought, being back with you may look better and better. I honestly need to watch myself and not be a part of the cause of things to be tough on her. I want to make decisions because it's good for me, not because it's bad for her. Besides, the cable/internet are in her name, and she is also responsible for the child care expenses. I don't know that there is much to gain by putting the gas, electric, and water in her name as well.
Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
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Ok, I have another question. My W called me to ask if had DS4's cleats and shin guards. I was angry about something at work and she could tell. I told her I was ticked off because of work, but not what it was.
So my question is, should I follow up and tell her what set me off? The reason I think yes is because one of her complaints about me is that I didn't talk to her about what was going on with me, particulary about work, and because I want to.
On the other hand, perhaps it's best for me to stay withdrawn, to leave conversation only to what needs to be talked about. I don't anticipate that the conversation could go badly, but I would not have brought it up if she didn't already know I was mad about something.
Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
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I think that, unless she says she feels like you're smothering her with stuff when she just wants to be 'friends,' I'd go ahead and keep her in the loop. The more she feels like she's still married, the better.
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I just read this whole thing, and I'm wondering if any of you are still here? My husband is similar to this guy's wife, but I began working on myself within 4 weeks of him leaving.
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lonelygal, I wouldn't put much stock in anything you read in a thread that was last posted on in 2009. The further back you go, the less the board goes from expert advice and more into everybody's conflicting personal opinions.
Can you post an update on your thread? It sounds like you need to get your depression treated and gather more information on your husband, getting so integrated with him that he could not possibly have an affair without your knowledge. Of course, the number one cause of depression in women is a bad relationship with their husband or boyfriend, so the best treatment is your husband getting involved in meeting your emotional needs.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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