I think I'll just let it be in G-ds guidance and not make a decision today because I don't have a sense of what's right.

Interestingly, right at this moment I am walking through making a decision that I KNOW is G-d driven and right for me. When D-day happened, my "sisterhood" friends were not REALLY there for ME. They didn't buy into the theory of addiction, and they wanted me to divorce him. They weren't really supportive of my stand for my marriage and just wanted me to move on. I know it was because of the pain I was going and they really didn't want to watch me hurt so bad. But it was about THEM and that they didn't want to see the pain or hurt. I can accept that. So I came here and went to AA and made new friends.

When H and I decided to start over, I didn't really get much support from those same friends. It was during that time that I was singing in the choir for High Holidays. It has been my hope that H would change his mind and come back to temple so we can go together.

However, today that isn't happening and services continue to happen and my friend calls me to find out if I am going. What simply is the TRUTH is I don't want to go to services without my H when I can go home make dinner, possibly have a family dinner with my kids too and then go to a AA meeting with H together.

I got tired of coming up with excuses each time and after sending out an email, I chose to call my friend and explain.on the phone, which is something I HATE to do. Take care of myself and be honest about what I want. As you guess, she wasn't supportive, and did her best to guilt me in. Told me that is her husband told her to quit something she would tell him where to stick it.

I calmly explained that DIFFERENCE was that my H didn't ask it, suggest it or almost isn't supportive of it. This was MY idea, my choice, and my decision because of what I have learned here. My IB's got me alone. I'm not about to repeat again, when I truly would RATHER just be WITH him.

Looks like my friends are going away again. Oh well. Their loss. I hope one day they come to understand what true friendship is about. Supporting choices even when you don't like them or think they aren't what's best.

If they are not friends of the marriage, then they are not friends.

Heck I had one 'friend' tell me that my DH might not have been the man God intended me to have!

You do what YOU know is right....isnt there a scripture about what is right seems like foolishness to the faithless?

SOrry ablibbing the bible and doing a poor joke of it

What I should ahve done in the first place... go look it up

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. (Proverbs 14:12 ESV)

((((Queenie)))) and (((((my girls))))),

Gosh I've missed you all!!!! Love to all.....

Queenie, hon, it matters not really WHERE your thread is on these boards, but where YOU are in your thread. If you wanna stay here then stay. You tried the move but unsure of how you likes it. Well considering ALL the changes you have been going through in your life it's not surprising you would like some stability here.

There are many who have stayed here no matter their outcome (SL, Chai, me....:)) and others who moved and adjusted well (Lil, SC,) but in the end it really doesn't matter where you are as long as you stay on G-d's chosen path for you......

Glad to see you and everyone ......too bad about the lost posts though. There was some really good stuff out there. Oh well, adjust we must

not2fun

ps....."Due to recent budget cuts including the rising costs of elelctricity, gas, and fuel, not to mention the current market conditions, we regret to inform you that the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. Sorry for the inconvience..... :)"

Hi NOT, Nice to see you too. How are you doing?

I think I'll just be still and see where G-d takes me next.

Hi Queenie,

I have been 'away' awhile...so I am a little confused.

One thing is for sure, you seem to make decisions 'fearlessly' and from my experience....in life, that's the healthier route to take!

Wish you the best, on whatever forum you choose to be, and I give you a very very big hug!

LUNA,

Where have you been? I have MISSED you so much. I think it was about a month ago when I commented we haven't heard from you in MONTHS. What's going on. I'm going to have to see if you posted on your thread.

Please don't stay away that long next time.

Queenie - Hope you will keep posting here, and also on Recovery. Many newbies need to see success stories, and realize that most affairs DO end, and marriages can be restored.

As far as your friends, maybe you have a ministry to share your story with people at temple.

I'm doing fine, and am still in the PNW - spent 3 months with sis and now am spending time with my mom. She is doing extremely well, considering she is dying from a very agressive lymphoma (thanks to Flick and others raising money). She has been in remission now for about 18 months. So things are good.

Hi Believer,

How long are you here for? JT and I are getting together on Veteran's Day. think you want to join us?

I will ALWAYS remember your words. Almost ALL A end. Over and over again. You were so RIGHT.

I actually agree, my story needs to be told. But not today. I need to heal with my family and enjoy the time we have left with my son. Check out his homecoming pictures on facebook.

B, how do I post in two places with one thread? LOL

So again, what a dream weekend this was. Friday night H and I had a wonderful time going to AA mtg and just coming home to sit next to each other. On Saturday he got up, went to his AA meeting and then came home. Was hungry so I whipped up French Toast, then we went shopping together, came home and waited for YS to come get dressed for homecoming.

Get this, he wore a white tuxedo, with pink vest and tie. He got his GF to get a pink dress to match the tux. He looked so handsome. Last year at this time, I prayed that H would be a part of the celebration this year and he WAS. What a cute couple my YS and his GF made.

Then H and I went to AA costume party. He doesn't like getting dressed up, but in the end, he put on his suit and got really fancy so I matched him. Dressed up as a queen and he was my body guard. Very fun actually. We danced and then came home.

I got up this morning, and even though it was COLD and FOGGY, I still went with H to his lax game and watched him play. Then we came home and watched football.

There are still parts to our recovery that hasn't happened. There have been times when people questioned whether we really are in recovery or not, especially because we aren't really working the MB principles, he is still working on his steps. However, when I sit back and just reflect, what I realize is that this man is doing things the HE believes show me love in HIS way. He washed my car, he puts a new tire on my car because he wants me safe, he takes me to a dance and dances with me, and he just brought me a light for under the stove that will make things easier.

As the fog clears he becomes more giving. I just am simply amazed at this whole process. We are off for the AA mtg. Talk to ya later.

Nice to see you B. Please let me know if you are up for meeting.

Queenie - If I'm still here, I will join you. But don't know if I'll be here. Came up just to help my niece move to her new home in Anacortes, and help my sis clean up the rental. (Sis had rented to her daughter, my niece). That all took WAAYYYY longer than I thought.

Been with my mom now, and would like to stay for awhile longer, but may have to go to Oceanside to be deposed by an attorney. It is about the complaint I filed against my boss for contract fraud. I ended up retiring early, just to escape him, but the case is continuing on - it was brought to court by one of the other contractors. The attorney has agreed to pay for me to fly down and back. Sometimes I just wish it would all just go away.

Sorry I haven't kept in touch more. Just been busy helping sis and my niece, and then spent a lot of time fishing for salmon.

My sons and given sons and daughters are doing well, all considered. And it is almost a full time job keeping up with them.

Glad all is well with you and hubby.

Sorry for the T/J Queenie..

Hey Believer, I hadnt heard that you had left that job, sorry to hear that they made it so unpleasent for you in the end. Prayer for you during the deposition. I hope it is over soon

I told Flick about what you said about your Mom being in remission, he said to say "cool and glad to hear that"

[/T/J]

Hi Queenie,


Enjoy.

t/j: Hi Believer,

I appreciate having news about you, and know that you will forever be in my heart and thoughts.

No, I'm not. And I'll find you regardless of where your thread is. Hate to have to say it, but you're stuck with me.

If you're ever up for the company, and if you think you'd be comfortable with mine and my son's, let me know when your son or H is playing lax. I understand if you want to keep that as something just for your family, so no prob if it won't work. Due to DS8's interest, I'd like to take him to a game and if seeing you could be combined with it, then bonus for me. Yee-haw!

Nice to read you, Q. And nice to read about the special times you are enjoying with your H and your family.

Take care.

Oh Looking, thank you so much. I was more talking about my sisterhood friends, the ones who really weren't there when all this began. And now that I want to concentrate on my family... they are unhappy with me again.

Yes, you betcha we can hook up your son for a view in the game. It's pretty fun to watch.

How are you?

Their loss.

I'm nursing one heck of a cold. Everything from the neck up is stuffed and/or sore. I'm trying to take care of myself, but you know how that goes when you have young ones plus, H is recovering from surgery. But I'm resting in bed right now, checking MB and email, and watching "iCarly" with DD6 next to me.

Have you carved pumpkins yet?

No, we don't really have the extra money this pay period for that. Especially with H's birthday coming on Halloween. We did talk about it, but we agreed we would just save the money.

I'm sorry you don't feel good. That sucks. The cruds are so going around. The kids are getting really sick at school so early in the season. Some have had the swine flu and thankfully parents are keeping them at home

How is hubby doing?

I am putting this part of the other thread on here because it's so vitally important right now.

We started the workbook last night. He was all gung ho and then we started with him. I figured that I understood these principles first so I could take his criticism or challenges. Like the book we started with SD... I was absolutely blown away that he doesn't feel I make any demands on him. So after a few minutes we went onto DJ's. Here's where it got really interesting and to be honest, I just realized that SD are involved here to.

He told me he felt cornered like a cat to do MB principles, and that I was trying to force my way of thinking onto him, by making him learn these principles because they would create that romantic marriage that we both wanted.

Talking went back and forth, and then I got to the real cause and condition. He doesn't trust ONE PERSON, not even G-d. He doesn't TRUST anyone because he isn't trustworthy and if he can't trust himself how could he trust someone else.

What I saw was a man who is absolutely frozen in the prison of HIS mind and body and afraid to trust a single soul in this world. What I saw was a scared little boy who has such a wall of protection around him that losing his marriage would be almost better than trusting someone or G-d. And quite honestly, I felt so sad for him.

He did promise to continue to work on the workbook. He understands the value, but he isn't there yet and asked me to not give up on him.

I'm sure many of you will think he is blowing smoke up my rear, but you weren't here and you don't know my husband. I told him how all the conversations on here went, about not being willing to meet my needs, about still being involved with another woman because I would stake my LIFE on it he isn't involved with crack ho.

As the conversation wrapped up, I had gotten to express alot of my hurt and sadness over what had happened in our life. How I wanted more for myself and wanted more for him and that I hoped he could find that path to healing because I wouldn't wait forever, Queenie deserved a lot more than that.

I told him that I loved him so much, clearly more than he could ever imagine, understand, or feel and that I was giving him up to G-d once again because this wasn't my problem and I couldn't fix it. He asked if I was throwing him out. Skinsgal would have made idle threats. Queenie doesn't and said, NO. But that this was his journey his fight for happiness and it wasn't my responsibility to fix it or find the solutions, that was between him and his G-d. And that I truly hope he found it.

He asked me to please not give up on him.

Of course I won't. But I also know that I can't fix this. He is just a very troubled soul and I'll just have faith and trust in my G-d that he can find a way to reach my H.

Call me stupid, call me whatever. But today, Queenie knows what she wants and what she wants is to let go and let G-d and give him more time.

One more part. G-d knows the truth of what is happening. I have absolutely trusted him no matter what through all of this. My H and I are living under the same house because of G-d and I just absolutely won't allow doubt on what G-d is capable of to cloud my healdfast belief my husband I are in recovery. It doesn't look text book, but it's real and it's happening. Does it last, I simply don't know.

I'll leave the result to G-d and walk in recovery today and look to him for the next indicated thing.

(((Queenie))) Recovery is a SLOW, SLOW, SLOW process. Even though my DH showed remorse early on, it took him a while before he was ready (or willing) to begin to come around to the realization that we couldn't just start where we left off, that there had to be major changes. Words are nice, but they won't get you there.

Every marriage is different and as long as you're not going backwards, you're good (for now). OTOH, staying in the same place too long is definitely not good. Perhaps you could set a deadline in your mind to start seeing some changes or willingness to change? You know your limits and now you know what a healthy marriage should look like. Don't settle (and I don't think you will).

Thanks PM,

I AM seeing progress, that's actually what prompted me to look at how to incorporate working the MB principles.

I have watched, experienced and felt the defogging in him, and can see the changes and progress in his actions. He was starting to do things again for me, albeit not what I wanted, but they were acts that thought of me.

He is a hurting soul. My marriage may not recover or become what I dream, but I won't give up yet. I do know what a healthy marriage looks like and you are so right, I won't settle.

G-d needs time and I have learned to be still.

Another thing that is HUGE in all of this for him. He isn't BLAMING me at all. He is owning it all. And that's something that is completely different.