I've been separated for 13 months now. No papers have been filed yet, nothing in writing yet. H still in contact with OW who is married. OW's H aware of affair, H maintains he wants divorce.<P>H informed me a few days ago that OW's H has received three letters at his place of employment. Accused me of sending the letters saying that I am the only one with the motive to do so. Also said that the OW has received two crank phone calls and the place he is staying at got broken into and someone took personal items of his. Yes, this entire situation has been difficult; yes, it's been awful to have to see the OW day after day (lives in neighborhood) BUT I am not about to stoop to her level and my H's level and do something as foolish as what I'm being accused of. I told my H that if I was going to do something I would have done it a long time ago. I don't have a malicious or vindictive bone in my body. I have remained a lady throughout this whole ordeal; never once did I belittle myself or make a fool of myself. That may be very hard to believe and it was very difficult for me not to but I knew in my heart that it wouldn't change anything and I learned through counseling that I only had control of myself. I told my H that I would never try to "bribe" or "coerce" him into coming home. Told him that I wanted him to come home on his own acord because then I'd know it was genuine. He not only accused me of sending the letters and making the phone calls but also threatened to stop paying for everything if it didn't stop. How the heck can I make it stop if I'm not doing it?? When my H showed up unannounced both times accusing me, he continued to rehash everything. Insisted that I never cared for him which is so far from the truth. Said so many hurtful things that also made no sense at all. Why the need to continue to justify HIS behavior and his decision to go out and have an affair? He knows I didn't want a divorce, he knows I wanted things to work. I told him that he wanted this and he chose not to make things work. I asked him right out why he was rehashing everything when he doesn't want to be married anymore...no answer.<P>Anyhow, this whole thing is very bizarre. I'm doing the best I can to go on with my life, minding my own business and to get accused of something like this is just unbelievable to me. I don't need this nonsense in my life. I told my H from the beginning that I was not a part of his/her game and never would be. Who would send the letters and make the phone calls after all this time? And why? Big mystery. What's anyone's opinion on this?<BR>

I'm not sure who would do these emails... I say don't worry about it. They (H and OW) should check to see who they come from themselves.<P>Stand strong... you sound <B>very</B> strong... lasting as long as you have.<P>I hope to last as long as you have (13 month's...<B>WOW</B>.) I've been separated for just 2... but some divorce papers are in the works... I'm trying to hold them all back... as long as possible.<P>I'll say a prayer for you tonight.<P>Jim<P>---------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Hi, there! The whole situation sounds a little fishy to me. I don't know about your profile, but from what you have just written, I assume that your H is not living with OW at this point. Maybe the OW is behind the "letters, calls, breakin" if indeed they even exist. <P>It could be a ploy to make you look bad in his eyes, as you said, you have been a lady throughout all of this. I would like to have a look at the letters if it were me. If they were sent via e.mail, there is a way that they can be traced. I don't know much about these things, but my son once told me that all e.mail can be traced, you just have to know how to do it.<P>Why not suggest they call the police, and let them handle it, as you are too busy trying to get on with your life, without worrying about hers?<P>Good luck, and keep us posted.<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

Thanks for your responses.<P>Why Me-It certainly is fishy. Don't know why someone would send letters and make calls after over a year! The correspondence sent to OW's husband were actual letters-not e-mails. My H told me he did see the letters; I had asked him if he did to confirm if they even existed! I myself thought maybe the OW is sending them herself but then again why to her H; she has no intention of leaving him.<P>Anyhow, I did tell my H that if they were so concerned on who sent the letters and who made the calls to find out. Told him I don't need this nonsense in my life. Also don't understand why he feels the need to rehash everything out over and over when he's made no attempt to reconcile. Unfortunately looks like this divorce will go through.