The likelihood of them not continuing to have sex is remote. Just for argument's sake, even if they didn't have sex anymore, the EA would flourish with them together. That is just as damaging to your M as if they were still having sex.

Not stupid. Naive, maybe. Optimistic, sure. But not stupid. Look, Still, the A will continue as long as proximity continues. I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of your WW's mouth right now. She needs to leave the job. TODAY.

Didn't they start out as just friends? Understand that this is how screwed up her thinking is. Her A has already shown WW is capable and willing to cross the line with OM.


You are not stupid but you are in your own fog (denial) wanting to think the situation isn't a bad as it is or that the your WS is NOW being truthful and can control themselves where OP is concerned because she says so...guess again. No BS wants to think the worst of the WS but sticking your head in the sand to avoid the FACTS is not going to help you. If your WW had an A with the gardener, would you keep him around your house? Would you invite OM over for dinner to discuss work?

For the sake of argument, lets suspend reality and say that professional contact is possible NC is as much for your own sanity as it is to keep the A dead while you try to restore your M. Every day WW goes to work you will wonder what they are doing, why she didn't answer the phone when you called, why she is late coming home, did they go to lunch together, what did they eat, is OM putting the moves on WW, did she resist, did she try to resist, for how long, if she looks extra pretty today is it for him, did he buy that new dress she brought home, is she laughing at his jokes, on and on until you are ready to have a meltdown or a heart attack. That will be your life EVERY DAY she works there no matter what she says and how hard you try to convince yourself there is only "professional contact."

R is hard enough on a BS even if the OP is far far away. Having the OP *right there* is like signing up to get kicked in the gut on a daily basis. WW was too weak to say "No" to OM and she didn't want to say "No" to him either. Hold the line SHL. You will be throwing your wife and marriage to the wolves if you don't. You have the benefit of finding MB early on so you can find out what to expect and what works before more damage is done. Save yourself a lot of grief and get your WW out of that job. If she refuses, then there is no point in going to MC, IC, or talking about R because there will be no R. If you are willing to be married at all costs, that's what you will be signing up for.

I think deep down you already know all this, you simply don't want to admit it.

Worth repeating. That's a whole other animal you don't want to endure. Do not ignore the neon signs and red flags.

Have you exposed this to HIS boss? Having an A with someone who reports to you is the ULTIMATE immoral workplace activity. Get him fired! Then she won't have to quit.

Oh, and yes, you are incredibly naive.

This is not your wife you're dealing with - it's a crack addict who can think of NOTHING else but to be near him, hear him, see him, touch him, and secretly find ways to do it all over again. That is HALF the appeal! She tells you she wants to stay with you because half the fun of an A is getting to go home to old guy, and sneak in texts and calls and plans. If you kick her out, all that fantasy is destroyed, and then it's just a nasty slimy affair.

Call his boss right now.

Because she wants to keep her boyfriend, that's why.

Waywards love having two (or more) people meeting their ENs for them. Why settle for just one when all she has to do is lie to you and she can have TWO men jumping through hoops for her?

That's why.
Mulan

Work place affair with her boss.

What are you waiting for thei must be exposed at work at once.
Email a letter to the CEO, then CC copies to the Director of HR, and the Board members.

He is a lawyer and works for himself, so exposing him to his boss won't work.

Now I have to find a way of getting her to quit and have no contact, without screwing my marriage up.

I know I'm being a bit of a sucker for punishment here, but I really don't want to lose her, and I think she feels the same for me, but she will leave me if I expose her to her family and friends.

There has to be a way for me to get her to have NC with him without losing her.

Any ideas how I can get her to see him for the manipulative [censored] he really is?
He is into 3somes and foes a fair amount of screwing around.

ps. My wife cannot have any more children, but if she does sleep with him again I think I may go insane.

Trust me when I say if she continues to work for him she WILL sleep with him again. And again. And again.
In fact, every time he looks at her, he sees her naked. And she sees him naked.
How much does that bother you? It SHOULD bother you enough to force her hand.
Ask her how she would feel if the tables were turned, and someone you worked for had seen you naked--again and again.
Don't be afraid of losing her. You've already lost her. Now try to get her back.

Your marriage is already screwed if she stays there.

The best shot you have is Plan A followed by Plan B. Read this:What are Plan A and Plan B?

When you go to Plan B and she is forced to depend on him to meet ALL of her needs, the fantasy will fall apart and she will finally start to see who he really is.

>but she will leave me if I expose her to her family and friends.


Hey...nothing says I love you like a little emotional extortion.

I am working on plan A every day now. Have been doing so for 4 days now, and she and I are having a huge amount of fun together, but I still think she and him are sending text messages and E-Mails that I know nothing about.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, the mystery is going to kill me!!!

Well, that's an easy one! Go find your local Bar and report him.

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, the mystery is going to kill me!!!


This feeling is the same feeling you will feel EVERY day till she leaves that job.

I promise.

You'll go to bed like this, you'll wake like this.

BTDT.

YOU MUST have this adultry TOTALLY end. The only way to ensure this is to expose and for her to quit her job.

Period.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gee, I wish I had a dime for every BS who came here and said that! And was wrong!

SHL, spend some time reading some of the other threads. Go to Recovering and see what worked. At least 95% of the time, it was EXPOSURE. Nothing else. And every time, the WS screamed at the BS "I hate you! You've ruined any chance I would ever choose you! You'll never get me back now! I was going to come back to you but now you've ruined it!"

Are you going to listen to the experts here or not?

You will also find a few dozen BSs who did NOT follow the advice because they were AFRAID their spouse would leave them. Guess what? They left them anyway, because the WS lost all respect for the BS because they didn't fight for their marriage. Think about it.

Stop letting your fear ruin your marriage. Man up.

Have you installed a keylogger on her computer? GPS in her car? Downloaded her emails and texts?

Why not?

Better yet, have you CANCELLED your phone and internet service?

Still, she isn't going to leave you if you expose her. Although I'm sure she would like for you to think that so you can assist her in keeping her dirty little secret.
I've seen this before: the BS is scared and is charting the totally foreign waters of an A. So what does he do? He defaults to the person he 'thinks' he knows, hoping she will be the standup woman he married and will do the right thing. And he's afraid to upset her and ruin his chance to save the M. Well. She's NOT the woman you married, Still. She's an addict right now. She is NOT going to do what is in the best interest of your M. YOU will have to do this. THAT is how you will save your M.
Don't assume the OM has kinky habits that will turn your WW off. How he likes sex is immaterial. Don't get distracted by his good or bad habits. Just work on your WW.

Please read this:

Exposure Thread

That's great that you are working your Plan A.

I know it sounds weird but we all probably know better what your WW is up to than you do because we have seen it again and again here, waywards all follow the same patterns. They get a high off the OP and they cannot get over that addiction while they are still in contact.

Believe us, it is NO mystery ~ she is definitely still text messaging and emailing him.

Ditto:

Report him to the Bar association.
Expose to friends, family, pastor
Cancel, install and snoop
Insist on NC TODAY - go to her work, tell her she's done, take her home.


My H had OW living with us, working for him, attending church with us, recreating/playing with him. Everyone who raised alarms: me, pastor, employees, friends of ours and HERS were all shussed with "it's Ok, she's like a daughter to me". In your case, "friend" -- oldest adultery line in the book.

She's cake eating.

So what if she leaves upon exposure?

1. He'll panic that she wants commitment from him, if he's such a player, and dump her. Fog will break.

2. She'll have her fling with him until she starts to miss her kids, family, suffer the reality of the her new "reputation" and begin to see him for what he is (opportunistic scumbag) and you for what you are ( committed, loving spouse) and leave him. Fog will break.

Fight for your marriage, you have 3 little kids, man up.

(All 2X4's given in love)