I have been there and leaving everything will not stop you feeling how your feeling, my friends all were shocked and kept telling to leave WH but I explained to them that leaving him wont stop me crying etc cause it wont change the fact taht someone did that to me, i wouldnt be able to trust in future relationships and i would feel isolated becasue of the hurt and they got that, the only hope i had of recovering is by staying with my husbad because he is the only one who can make things better, he broke my heart and he should knows how to fix it end of, i know many people wont agree with my way of thinking but its just the way i felt. U feel like running away and it might help you go away for a few days when your feeling overwhelmed but stick at it as long as he wants to work things through, he will go through stages of resistance where he wont want to discuss but remind him he wronged you and its about what you need not what he wants, saying sorry its easy but making up for your mistake is hard and thats what he has to learn, Maybe his way of dealing with his guilt is to treat it as a blip but its your job to remind him your heart is not a wrecked car is a far more complex device and he needs to do alot of hard work. That was the second thing i asked my WS after the affair (first was he had to end A) i asked him are you ready for the amount of hard work your gonna have to do to make this better.

you are so right -- when did you find out about his affair and are things getting better for you now

my story is under topic heading of "its been a year when will things get better" it has all the details of affair and current status.

Hey BH318 how are you doing been thinking/concerned about you. Please do come back to site and engage in it as it will help you.

actually much better we had a good converstation yesterday and he told me he has only always wanted me which made me feel better. I don't think he would be telling me lies anymore as he knows how much they hurt. Thanksfor your concern, it is much appreciated. I actually told my cousin what was going on and he shed alot of life on what my WH is dealing with, he said he has cheated before and on wife but she never found out, but he has never forgotten and feels much regret. He said if my WH didn't want to make it work with me he would have hit the road, it is nice to hear from a man's perspective and I truly believe that. He doesn't have to stay with me, it is not like I am a supermodel or rich or anything, he just seems to love me so I am feeling much more positive after sharing my feelings with someone who knows both of us and would be totally honest and no BS

Well done, glad you finally have an outlet! Carry on the good work and keep us updated. Are you in any plan with WH? are you reading anything together like Dr H books?
The one thing that i have learned from this site (even though im a newbie but hey im also a fast learner lol) is that words are easy actions are hard, Is your WH committing like he is supposed to?

I believe in my heart he is commited to me and making us work. We have had many years together and many good memories, many not so good, but you just have to move forward and pray for the best. I really think we are going to get past this and be as stronge as any couple can be. Hope I am not being too naive, but sometimes you have to take a chance and hope it goes the way you want it.
That is what I am holding on to. It really helped to tell one of my family members. He didn't judge me, just tried to give me a man's perspective which was more helpful than I can believe

I know exactly how you feel. My XWH cheated with a low life woman who sleeps with men for money. She looks like something from tales from the crypt I swear. We contracted a bacterial infection from this dirty woman which came from her not being clean. A disease that is common in third world countries where sanitation is at a minimum. Talk about not understanding why a man would even get an E from someone like her. What we found out in MC is that my DH needs a LOT of admiration and ego stroking. This woman washed his feet and bowed down to him like a dog and he treated her as such. I think women like that who are loose know how to spot and nail men like my DH and yours and know how to stroke their egos really well. Like your H, my H also said he cared nothing for her and never intended on leaving me. I believe your H was in a bad emotional state like my DH were he wasn't loving himself enough and here comes Susie ho. It's hard to forget but you can rebuild your M and make it better. It has been 15 months for me and I still think about what he did, and I literally regurgitate when I think of him with her.

Someone on MB wrote a beautiful post where she and her FWH were seven years past D-Day and she explained that she spent way to much time focusing on the OW. She wrote that looking back, she realizes that her DH cheating had nothing to do with the OW but had everything to do with his lack of character. The OW could have been any woman. That's true. I am still trying to push the XOW out of my head. It's hard. Focus on each ohter and follow the MB principles. They really work. Rebuilding is a roller coaster. Good luck.

Both of you---read up on the articles here and listen to the vets. And know this: The affair was NOT about the OW. It's never about the OW. It's about you and your husband. She is just a piece of flack who happened to be there at the right time and place to get boinked and fill some needs.

What you need to do is read up on the proper way to make sure the affair is ended. Then read up on how to affair proof your marriage from here on out. While there is NO excuse for what your WHs did, you have to assume 50% of the blame for helping to create the situation that left them vulnerable to the affair.

There is lots of great advice here that will help you recover your marriage. Some of it seems counter-intuitive but it's been proven to work. Listen to the vets.

I have to agree.

The WS's affair is almost NEVER because the OP is "better" than the BS. In fact, usually the OP is nothing special or even a big step down. The affair occurs because the WW has issues of their own and/or unmet key ENs from their marriage (often a combination of the two). The OP is almost always someone who just happens to be "available", reciprocates interest, and meets (temporarily) some key ENs of the WS. It isn't uncommon for the OP to turn out to be someone who is good at spotting an emotionally vulnerable person and smooth-talking/flirting their way into their heart and bed.

I agree totally. While these waywards seem to lose their mind, the also seem to have "some" logic in tact. My fwxw OM was asking her to leave me, AND I WAS ASKING MY FWXW IF I COULD LEAVE??!! I mean, WTF? I realize she was cake eating but one guy is begging you to let him leave the M(Me, she was so cold and I didn't know why) and him. I think she just wanted to keep me there. While she was wayward, the thought of some other woman having me was too much to bare..DUDE