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SDCWMan,
I never got any of those. Never one I'm sorry for anything!
I think maybe that could have helped me with closure. I still have questions on alot of things, but won't ask now, too much time has passed.
When I did ask him however how he could just throw away 20 years, he told me he saw it as a new chapter in his life unfolding, and not that he would forget those 20 years, but now more happier years were ahead of him...
Cat
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Now if we could be friends with them, that would really get the OW panties in a bunch....but emotionally I know we cant, for our own sake....
My BIL did the same thing to his ExW a few years befor my WH cheated on me...BIL left his W for OW, and after they divorced ExSIL stayed friends with BIL...
Now from the other side, the OW was younger and more attractive than BIL's ExW...but she hated that BIL was still friends with his ExW, she always accused him of still bein in love with her, and actually she thought he was cheating with her....OW was a royal Biotch....
So I am sure that they have fights over your alimony, cat. At least have that bit of satisfaction...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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How do we let go? I don't know. Sometimes I think that an apology or some display of remorse will set me free, but I don't know. Yes. A little something more than "I'm sorry you got hurt". Or at least a little something more than "I'm sorry I got caught." That reminds me a few angry/snotty goodies I heard from xWW when she was finally OUT-ED: "Who ratted me out!?!?" "You can believe whatever you want to believe!" "What? You having me followed?" Not one word of remorse or even a "I should have told you"
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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Yeah, because then they would have to admit they royally screwed up and they cant do that....its like they will implode or something if they do....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I think ExH at one time thought we all... me, he and OW would be one big happy family. Not in this lifetime. I despise the woman that knowingly slept with a M'd man and broke up his family. If she truly wanted him, then she should have waited until he got D'd, instead of cheating on her H as well.
I am not friends with him at all. I treat him like a neighbor or an acquaintance. I only speak to him about DS if need be. That's it. I find the less I see or talk to him the less painful it is for me.
Well I do know that ExH affaired down. OW might be younger than me. I'm actually old enough to be her mother, but, and not to toot my own horn, she is definitely not more attractive. She's probably 100 lbs. heavier than I am!
Cat
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By the way...My BIL cheated on OW and got OW2 pregnant (one of the reasons why he "left" his W, he didnt want kids). When he found out she was pregnant he broke up with OW2, wanted nothing to do with the baby and nobody found out about it until the baby was a year old...
Then he ended up back with OW2 and dumped original OW....now BIL and OW2 live together and he is not happy, I know first hand...I hear the fighting....but they are good at puttin on a happy face for outsiders...so he got what he deserved...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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They say they reap what the sow...hopefully that goes for my ExH as well.
Cat
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I have never seen my WH OW, but I have this horrible feeling that she is very pretty...esp since now I have put on almost 40 LBS since Dday....Food is my new best friend, oh well...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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They say they reap what the sow...hopefully that goes for my ExH as well.
Cat It will, I am sure of it, to me it sounds like a disaster waitin to happen.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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See I went the other way. When I'm upset I don't eat. My kids actually thought I was anorexic for a long time after I found out about the A. I wasn't, I just couldn't eat. I lost over 60 lbs. Kept most of it off, so I make sure when I do have to see ExH, he notices.
Of course he's never said anything about me losing the weight, but maybe he will see what he gave up, and what he got in exchange.
Cat
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I don't know. I've heard from a few people who are friends with him, and they told me that the last few times they saw ExH and OW, they looked really happy. Holding hands, snuggling etc.
Yuck!
Cat
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Yeah, I lost a lot of weight at first, but then went the other way and now i cant stop eating....
Oh I am sure he is gonna realize more and more what he gave up in you...good for you for keepin it off and make sure you look extra hot when you do have to see him...he notices, but he wont say anything, so dont expect it, but he notices...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I don't know. I've heard from a few people who are friends with him, and they told me that the last few times they saw ExH and OW, they looked really happy. Holding hands, snuggling etc.
Yuck!
Cat They just got married and had a baby, its the honeymoon period...its gonna take a while for reality to set in, dont worry it will...and tell your friends you dont want to hear this cr@p by the way!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I always remember someone on these boards saying to me a long time ago, that even if ExH doesn't notice or say anything, someone eventually will. I will run into a friend of his or an ex in law who will say...gee I saw Cat today and she looked great, lost a ton of weight etc.
I still remember that poster saying that, can't recall who it was, but that kinda keeps me going. I try and always look my best when I am out because ya never know who ya might see.
Getting harder now with the holidays approaching. I've been eating a lot of crap...Halloween candy...lately, have to get back into my routine...
Cat
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Yeah I think these people think I want to know how they are doing. Yeah of course I am curious, but I wish they would only tell me when they are getting D'd!!!!
Cat
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Oh yeah, thats true, we hear stuff about them I am sure they hear stuff about us....Hopefully they say sumthin about how good you look in front of that "person he is with".
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Yeah I hope so too.
Not sure about the honeymoon period though. I mean how long will it last? They lived together for 2 yrs, been married over a year now, shouldn't the period have gotten old by now?
Cat
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I dont think so, Its early yet.... I think they say usu. affairages dont last more than five years..and I dont think your ExH will make it past that....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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MY WH isnt even living with OW, so I think they will be together forever....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I hope you are right!
I'll chat again tomorrow, calling it a night. DS has an early morning basketball game and I have to attend.
Have a great night and thanks for being there for me...
Cat
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