Darkness,

Seems like you have a plan. I think it may be valuable to you if you think up some story about why you filed to encourage her to go willingly to live with the OM. Confrontation may be satisfying but if you get her to just go live with him (say until the baby is born) then she will get the short end of the stick in custody battle.

Plus, get any documentation you can on the OM.

6YL, yeah, my biggest concern at this point is getting WW to move voluntarily to OM, without the kids. I mean, she can't take the kids anywhere regardless but I don't want to have to put her up in an apartment or something, locally, or even worse, have her still living here. Let her go live out her fantasy for a while and see how reality feels.

I forget, how old is your wife? How old is OM?

I'll be thinking about you indarkness. I'm really sorry that you're having to go through all of this, but it sounds like you have a plan. It's great that you have so much support from the church and your family.

I can almost guarantee that things will get real very fast for your WW if you can get her to move out. Once she finds herself living with OM and his parents, without her children, without a job, and with an OM who will have to give a huge chunk of his income to his W for CS, I think your WW may finally start to realize what she has done. She needs a good, cold, hard dose of reality. Sounds like she's been living in fantasy land a wee bit too long.

ima, updated my profile, WW is 33. OM is approx. the same age, don't know for sure.

writer1, I've really appreciated all of your insight. It so very much helps to have someone who was "on the other side" chime in. You mentioned that being here is difficult at times but you provide valuable insight, so stick around, if you can.

We'll see. WW is fogged in heavy and unfortunately OM family is supportive of OM. Found out today that OM has two brothers that have done *exact* same thing - A with spouse, then moved OW into parent's home. AND PARENTS WELCOMED THEM IN!!! Sheesh, this world has some crazy people in it.

If anything will break my wife, waking up without her DC nearby should do it, i hope. But who knows. She's insane right now.

I won't leave. Just trying to find some balance.

I'm guessing OM's parents aren't members of the church? I find it difficult to believe that anyone could be that morally devoid, church members or not. Crazy indeed.

Just the thought of losing my kids was enough to snap me out of it, and my kids were teenagers too, so not exactly easy to miss. JK. Yes, your WW is insane right now. A's breed insanity.

Sometimes, I'd really like to slap all the WS's out there and tell them to wake up.

They are members but *very* inactive, I'm told.

I stayed quiet while you made your decision. Generally, I don't encourage posters to file divorce as typically IMO it makes the divorce more likely, but in your case I think YOU are making the correct decision to move forward and protect your interests and children as best you can.

I quoted the above to emphasize that it appears you are going up against extremely experienced participants. I bet you your wife doesn't move out voluntarily. She's an entitled wayward that wants the house, the kids and alimony and OM's shifty family will advise her how to get it (which is a big reason I think a preemptive filing is in order). As PSU said, watch out. Carry that recorder with you at all times (on the snooping 101 thread I believe I posted a link to a website that sells a watch that has a built in MP3 recording device of some type...you just push a button and record very inconspicuously).

I also recommend you advise your attorney to prepare and serve upon OM and your WW notices of the taking of depositions ASAP (he may choose to go the Request for Admissions route). Waywards hate testifying and will do anything and everything to avoid it. Since OM is eventually going to be the one that most likely ends it...get him, in particular, deposed as soon as your attorney can. Even if the case eventually settles, you'll never regret spending the money to depose them and forever putting the events of your life for the past few months IN WRITING. Waywards LOVE to rewrite history and when your very young children are older the story of the [potential] breakup of your marriage WILL change dramatically, unless you have the facts IN WRITING and IN HER OWN WORDS.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - If and when you do depose him, don't forget to ask his exwife is there is anything she'd like to know. Any question is fair game in a deposition. You may eventually even want to depose his parents (if your wife does move in with them and the children are going to potentially be in their home). Never know what skeletons you can find until you start poking around. Criminal background checks wouldn't hurt either.

Great advice from MR.

Follow up on it please.

I did not know ANY question is fair game.

GOOD ADVISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This whole experience has jacked me up. I'm so tired physically, emotionally, spiritually. I just want to rest. But there is no other path forward and the road is still so long.

WW is totally and completely aiming for divorce. Said she has an appointment with a lawyer this week. I think I already talked to this guy before. He was a piece of work so I may get scraped across the coals. She said she is just going for "free consultation" and wants paralegals to handle everything but she may get pissed if I file first. However, she wants to get away from here badly and no e-mail to OM has suggested she is aiming to take this house. Still, she may not go off running to OM, who is apparently going to Vegas on a 60 day temp. duty assignment sometime in the upcoming week. Crap. Well, she can go live with his parents then. He says "I still need my diet" meaning a break in relationship so he can be sure she's the one. But filing will probably screw all that up. Man, I so don't want to have to pay for an apartment or anything else.

WW is a complete enigma. No marriage is perfect and I did some screaming and yelling plenty of times. But what's driven her to the point where she's willing to move out even without OM? Is it just an act? Is it just the fog talking? It's killing me inside. I took a lot of crap in this marriage and all I've heard for the past 9 weeks is what an awful husband and father I was, etc., etc. Yeah, I know waywards do this but be damned if she doesn't say it with conviction. But then, she does bizarre stuff like tell me "good night", just last night!! Good night??? How about if you drop the OM, then I might have a good night!!??!!

All I know is that I need control at this point and Plan D will give me something. The cat-and-mouse games have become just too exhausting. Trying to keep this up for another two months (which was original Plan A) would break me into pieces.

Damn. I really wanted this to work out. I suppose there's still hope that OM will drop her. But right now, I don't see her crawling back to me. But seriously, if he drops her, what is she going to do? I guess leech off me for the next 16 years...i don't know.

In the eyes of a wayward, you are a bad father because you won't allow her to have SF with the OM in front of the kids. That's how messed up their thinking is. It's very hard not to take the stuff personally.

As for her going to the quack lawyer, if you already talked to him, she can't hire him. Since she's talking to lawyers and is angling to get the house, you need to have the voice recorder going at all times and under no circumstances go within 4 feet of her. She is a live grenade right now and any wrong move will give her the house and I bet she will move the OM in ASAP. SInce she is a woman ALL SHE NEEDS TO DO TO GET YOU REMOVED FROM THE HOUSE IS TO GO TO THE COURTHOUSE AND SAY SHE'S AFFRAID OF YOU. She doesn't have to bring any evidence. The magic words are I asked for a divorce and now he is upset. Trust me, the system works like that.

WW does NOT want the house. She wants to move away badly. She continues to try and convince me to move closer to OM, which is incredibly insane.

Filing is tomorrow. She's served Tuesday evening and hopefully on her way to OM that night. After that, she will not be back in the house, ever. I'll pay for an apartment before it comes to that.

"She continues to try and convince me to move closer to OM, which is incredibly insane."

Or WW thinks you are incredibly stupid. Is she fogged up.

Why would you even consider paying for her an apartment? If she wants to leave so badly, let her figure out where she's going to go and how she's going to pay for it. You want her to suffer the consequences of her own actions as much as possible.

I know you say she doesn't want the house and that she wants to leave, just make sure she knows quite clearly that, if she does choose to go, the children are staying with you. This is non-negotiable. Their school, church, friends, etc. are there and that is their home and that is where they belong. She needs to realize quite clearly that if she goes, she will be choosing to live separately from her kids.

It may just be an act. Too soon to tell. You won't really know until you file and see how she responds. She's planning on moving out with or without the OM? I wonder where she's going to go, since she has no money, no job, and no education? If you fight for custody of the kids, she won't really be able to leach off you for the next 16 years. In fact, if you can get her to leave without them, you could have a case of abandonment against her. If you have the kids, she could end up owing you CS. It seems that at some point, she's going to realize just how completely screwed up her life is going to be if she proceeds along these lines. The question is, will it be too late?

Darkness,

I think you should encourage her to leave the house in any way you can. Tell her you will handle the legal details, be very very supportive. Tell her she needs a break from all of it so she can make the right decision. Remember that she is thinking like a selfish little girl right now, surely you can use that to get the upper hand and keep the kids safe.

Your wife sound like a nightmare, an abusive, selfish, immoral person. You will be better off with this cancerous tumor excised.
Ignore her blaming. Put absolutely no stock in it. You should not have to hear this crap from her and you need to avoid her at all costs.
Nothing pissed my XWW off more than denying her the opportunity to blame me. I simply pretended she did not exist, that she was dead to me.
You are with an abuser par excellance. Hopefully ,she will continue to be dumb enough to pursue this other idiot guy and you will have her out of your life and the lives of your kids.

I am SO, SO glad you finally have a plan.

Once WW is out of the house, you will find that a peace will come.

Praying for you all!

- Kimmy

Papers are signed. Filing in progress. WW will be served tomorrow.

Darkness,

It's good to see you executing your plan. Have you thought about any way you can get your WW to cooperate. I really think that you may get far more if you play along with her craziness for now.