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Since, I don't really have anyone else to "talk" to about this, just thought I'd post here.
I thought recovery was going along pretty well. Was trying to drop my "shields" so to speak, but last night, caught her on the phone with OM. Using a cell phone she had kept hidden. She says it was a mistake and wants to keep trying.
Very down today.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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I thought recovery was going along pretty well. Was trying to drop my "shields" so to speak, but last night, caught her on the phone with OM. Using a cell phone she had kept hidden. She says it was a mistake and wants to keep trying.
Very down today. A mistake might be dialing the OP in a moment of waywardness. To have a hidden cell phone is very well calculated. She is still a wayward but has learned how to be more furtive. I am sorry.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Jeez, I am so sorry. I dont know what advice to offer you since i am no in R. But I just wanted you to know my prayers are with you, that is a tough one.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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well said Hope -- very calculating. It was not a "mistake".
It was planned. And likely not the first or only contact.
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((rprynne) My H took his A waaaaaaaaay under ground and I suffered through multiple FR's. You have no children, which does not mean your M is not of value but are you certain you want to continue R with her?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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rprynne,
This may be the saddest thing I have read in a while. I'm so sorry, man.
Might it be time for a line in the sand?
A hidden cell phone at this stage?
This truly sucks...
Mark
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Thanks everyone.
On the cellphone, I don't know if it matters or not, but about 3-4 months ago she started doing some consulting work for the old company she used to work at. They gave her the blackberry to use while doing the consulting job. She said she didn't want to tell me about it because she knew I would want access to the call logs, and she was too embarrassed to ask her employer for that. Supposedly OM called the company she is consulting for and they gave him the number.
I don't know if that helps, hurts, is the truth or if it really matters.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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So very sorry this happened my brother!! The gift that keeps on giving.  Did she give you the Blackberry? How many blows to the head and body can you take? Keep posting, to hopefully sort it out. kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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It is a HUGE redflag that she didn't tell you about the Blackberry. She could have shown you the call logs on the phone itself. Blackberry's carry quite a bit of history on them. IMHO she is gaslighting you.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I'm so sorry. Is she willing to do something about it?
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I'm so sorry. Is she willing to do something about it? Start planning you exist strategy NOW!!! DUDE
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So very sorry this happened my brother!! The gift that keeps on giving. Did she give you the Blackberry? How many blows to the head and body can you take? Keep posting, to hopefully sort it out. kirk She destroyed the Blackberry. Gonna try to figure out what to do next. Just so darn frustrating.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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It is a HUGE redflag that she didn't tell you about the Blackberry. She could have shown you the call logs on the phone itself. Blackberry's carry quite a bit of history on them. IMHO she is gaslighting you. Yes, I know. But, apparently because I've been such an irrational maniac overall this (sarcasm there), their was no way to work out a plan to handle an extra phone. I would have just gone into one of my blind irrational rages (more sarcasm).
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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I'm so sorry. Is she willing to do something about it? I suppose.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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I am so sorry for you. I have been there. But man, after 4 years you have to ask yourself if you want to keep going through this. I had to make that decision once and decided that I didn't. OW was always going to be in my marriage somewhere if I didn't take a hard line.
Sorry, but I don't buy the explanation of the Blackberry.
((((rprynne)))))
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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On the cellphone, I don't know if it matters or not, (It does matter - absolutely) but about 3-4 months ago she started doing some consulting work for the old company she used to work at. They gave her the blackberry to use while doing the consulting job. She said she didn't want to tell me about it because she knew I would want access to the call logs, and she was too embarrassed to ask her employer for that.
Do you understand how this is typical wayward fog babble --
Did she even give you the option of being honest
When XH had business phone I registered it on line and got all of his phone logs...she could have done the same
She was not embarrassed she was planning "what if" and this gave her the opportunity.
I bet if you register her blackberry you will see plenty more activity with OM
Supposedly OM called the company she is consulting for and they gave him the number.
How would he have known she was consulting unless SHE told him.
I think SHE gave him the #
If she was being transparent that would have been the time to fess up that OM was trying to contact her.
She is still trying to live the fantasy and blame you.
I don't know if that helps, hurts, is the truth or if it really matters.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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I'm so sorry. Is she willing to do something about it? I suppose. Destroying a phone...she can just tell her boss it broke, and get a new one, and start all over... I mean to gain trust. Is she ready for a polygraph?
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rp
"She destroyed the Blackberry."
Another lie WW has told you. Black berries are not cheap.
WW takes company issued BB and destroyed it. Very unlikely.
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