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I'm so sorry, Nexus.
Has the "intervention" happened yet?
If you cannot tolerate this anymore, then I do believe that distancing yourself from the drama and fear would be very good for you (and I know a lot about both, I do know your hurt).
You said she mentioned in her phone call, "I need to be a priority." What do you think she meant by that? Did she want that ring or was it something else?
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Two single people. No kids. My comment about worrying about me wasn't that I was giving up, more that I need to progress to a Plan B type situation as the current one is driving me insane.
Unfortunately it's not a common law state, so yes technically she's free to walk and do whatever she wants.
Look, I've stated before that I should have "put a ring on it" and that I fell into the typical living together before marriage trap. It was just really easy to let things continue as they were. So enough with the lecturing OK. Please see my prior post. YOU WILL GET LITTLE SYMPATHY HERE for your situation. They are absolutists. It is a symptom of betrayal. They can't help it. To acknoledge you have been betrayed by you WIFE, is counter to everything they believe and doesn't RISE to the same level of their being betrayed.DUDE
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Is "sympathy" what you seek on MB?
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Is "sympathy" what you seek on MB? I think most here seek sympathy for being in similar situations, yet this poor betrayed HUSBAND is SLAUGHTERED left and right cuz he never "put a ring on it" as if that stopped all the nasty waywards that people on here espouse to hate! DUDE
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I was asking the original poster.
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I was asking the original poster. He has said blatanty he needs sympathy and guidance??! How can you not read that in his posts? This man is hurting just as much as any betrayed spouse on here. Can you not feel the pain in his posts? Then he gets, "Well, your loss, you never put a ring on it" "It was never official, nothing compared to my betrayal, WAH WAH WAH!!!" DUDE
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Please see my prior post. YOU WILL GET LITTLE SYMPATHY HERE for your situation. They are absolutists. It is a symptom of betrayal. They can't help it. To acknoledge you have been betrayed by you WIFE, is counter to everything they believe and doesn't RISE to the same level of their being betrayed.DUDE You've got to be kidding! That is some very flawed thinking. Dude, are you implying that people who feel living together is not the same commitment as marriage have that conviction because they've been betrayed? That would mean that they didn't have that belief prior to the infidelity in their marriage. I doubt very much that this is the case.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Dude, your fuzzy logic is showing through. One does not have to be an "absolutist" [whatever that may be] or have been "betrayed" to have the logic to discern the difference between dating and marriage. MrsW's 9 year old could do that. Common sense and a modicum of logic is all that is required.
We all know he is hurting, but pretending that this is a marriage does not help him resolve his problems. Attacking board members who know the difference does not help him. Nor does it help him avoid making the same mistake again in the future.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He has said blatanty he needs sympathy and guidance??! I was asking the original poster.
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I agree, Plan B. It's really your only option at this point. Unfortunately, she has the right to walk and for her to lie about being married to this guy is a pretty strong indication she "thinks" she wants away from you.
Read up on Plan B. It is most effective at recovering you OR recovering your relationship...if you go completely dark. You see, in short order, your ex MAY test your resolve. She may want to maintain BOTH of you as options or turn to you as her confidant when she begins to want to remove herself from this controlling guy. But this would be unhealthy FOR YOU. Enabling her fence sitting/cake eating ways will only prolong the hurt and likely lengthen the time it takes for her to make her choices.
After you Plan B for awhile, things will settle down, you'll gain new interests and be more able to make a objective decision about whether you want to wait around for this girl. Frankly, she sounds a bit immature and nutty (though not much different than the typical wayward even though her actions weren't adultery). Hopefully you won't take too long to discern that you deserve better...but you (and her) got what you kinda asked for by not making a FULL commitment. (and I'm not being judgmental/lecturing as understanding YOUR part in this will help make you moving forward, accepting your responsibility in this mess and hopefully make you a better spouse to anyone someday...my wife and I did the shack up thing for 6 or 7 months preceeding our wedding...and look where that got us...HERE).
IF by chance you DO recover this relationship...there is a concept herein about recoveries wherein the recovering couples experience a few weeks or months of hysterical bonding. It's quite natural in these situations as you "reclaim" your woman and she "her man". I just want to warn you aforefront, it would be foolish for you to run out and marry her on a whim. Please, if you must, consider a long engagement and a proper wedding not mired in all this cheating crap. Such advice is meant to protect you and any potential marriage you have with this woman.
Mr. Wondering
p.s. - Don't go to Plan B until you are certain that this guys wife is made aware of the affair her husband is having with your ex. Provide her as much information as possible so she can know the truth about her life and respond accordingly.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Please see my prior post. YOU WILL GET LITTLE SYMPATHY HERE for your situation. They are absolutists. It is a symptom of betrayal. They can't help it. To acknoledge you have been betrayed by you WIFE, is counter to everything they believe and doesn't RISE to the same level of their being betrayed.DUDE You've got to be kidding! That is some very flawed thinking. Dude, are you implying that people who feel living together is not the same commitment as marriage have that conviction because they've been betrayed? That would mean that they didn't have that belief prior to the infidelity in their marriage. I doubt very much that this is the case. I am saying, once betrayed, EVERYTHING is absolute. Either you're married or your not(some on here don't even seem to recognize common law). Its a heightened awareness that is a DIRECT result of being hurt so badly.ie BETRAYED! DUDE
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I am saying, once betrayed, EVERYTHING is absolute. Either you're married or your not(some on here don't even seem to recognize common law). Its a heightened awareness that is a DIRECT result of being hurt so badly.ie BETRAYED! DUDE Thats just nonsense. Even people who have not been betrayed can tell the difference between married and not married. It is a matter of SIMPLE LOGIC, Dude. Even 5 year olds can discern the difference.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. - Don't go to Plan B until you are certain that this guys wife is made aware of the affair her husband is having with your ex. Provide her as much information as possible so she can know the truth about her life and respond accordingly. EXCELLENT suggestion ! 
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Dude, your fuzzy logic is showing through. One does not have to be an "absolutist" [whatever that may be] or have been "betrayed" to have the logic to discern the difference between dating and marriage. MrsW's 9 year old could do that. Common sense and a modicum of logic is all that is required.
We all know he is hurting, but pretending that this is a marriage does not help him resolve his problems. Attacking board members who know the difference does not help him. Nor does it help him avoid making the same mistake again in the future. You might want to take that up with the Supreme Court whom VALIDATED common law marriages long ago. COMMON LAW IS COMMON SENSE, but on here, sometimes, common sense isn't so common because of BETRAYAL. It is a symptom. I'm sorry you don't recognize court cases dating back 100 years.
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I am saying, once betrayed, EVERYTHING is absolute. Either you're married or your not(some on here don't even seem to recognize common law). Its a heightened awareness that is a DIRECT result of being hurt so badly.ie BETRAYED! DUDE Thats just nonsense. Even people who have not been betrayed can tell the difference between married and not married. It is a matter of SIMPLE LOGIC, Dude. Even 5 year olds can discern the difference. Texas is a common law state??!! Do you not believe in the laws that govern your state? Maybe you need to call Rick Perry and let him explain common law marriage statutes to you? IDK
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Dude -- You might want to reconsider the position you're standing on. The reason COMMON LAW was recognized was because men were trying to BAIL on long term relationships by standing on the position that it WASN'T a MARRIAGE. The courts decided to protect the women who had endured these lengthy relationships without property rights.
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He's considered legally bound in Texas too. If he is here, he needs to see a lawyer and see what his options are. Three elements must be present to form a common law marriage in Texas. 1. First, you must have "agreed to be married." 2. Second, you must have "held yourselves out" as husband and wife. You must have represented to others that you were married to each other. As an example of this, you may have introduced you partner socially as "my husband," or you may have filed a joint income tax return. 3. Third, you must have lived together in this state as husband and wife. http://www.co.travis.tx.us/dro/common_law.asp
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Dude -- You might want to reconsider the position you're standing on. The reason COMMON LAW was recognized was because men were trying to BAIL on long term relationships by standing on the position that it WASN'T a MARRIAGE. The courts decided to protect the women who had endured these lengthy relationships without property rights. Recondider, you made my point. If it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, its a F'n DUCK!! The statute in texas reads "If you hold yourself out as married" share property, shared checking, introduce yourselves in public as H/W so that that a "reasonable person" would assume you were married. THAT IS THE REQUIREMENT. A reasonable person, not a beytrayed spouse on MB.com!! If it were a civil suit all of you would be de-selected from the jury pool due to being betrayed because you are BIASED. A symptom of BETRAYAL...It is self-evident. DUDE
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Dude -- You might want to reconsider the position you're standing on. The reason COMMON LAW was recognized was because men were trying to BAIL on long term relationships by standing on the position that it WASN'T a MARRIAGE. The courts decided to protect the women who had endured these lengthy relationships without property rights. Interesting ... here is a link to Wiki article about "palimony" "The proper legal term, at least in California, is "non-marital relationship contract", and because the relationship is non-marital, the family courts have no jurisdiction. Disputes over contract terms are civil cases, thus enforcement is left to trial courts, or in California, "superior court".
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I am saying, once betrayed, EVERYTHING is absolute. Either you're married or your not(some on here don't even seem to recognize common law). Its a heightened awareness that is a DIRECT result of being hurt so badly.ie BETRAYED! DUDE So, since you responded to your wife's infidelity as an opportunity instead of being hurt, are you saying you missed the "heightened awareness" bus? How sad for you. Again...common law marriages are irrelevent to this thread and this poster has asked that the "lecturing" cease...HE gets it. By arguing this irrelevent point YOU are the one mirring this thread in the continuing argument and further hurting/bashing the poster you claim to be so concerned with. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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