Luna,

All I can say is "WOW!!!" I think you have reached personal recovery. It took you a little longer but so what? We all have our own personal timeframes and circumstances to deal with, but the important point is that you came out the other side.

And I do have to say, it sounds like you would really have to reconsider if your WH decided to come back at this point - meaning that I am not sure you would want to recover now.

I love the "new you" and your new attitude. It rocks. I hope to be following in your footsteps.....

Luna, I LOVE this:



Keep on keeping on.

CL and PM,

Thanks for the encouragement!

Luna

I'm not sure if you remember me, I was hurtinginokla a few years back.

Anyhow I was reading your thread to catch up on you. I must say you have come such a long way. I am so happy to see that.

You have done an excellent planb. I am so impressed. You are the true example of a BS regaining themselves.

You are about the only person I can find on here from that time. So many others i would love to catch up on but they seem to have vanished or changed their names.

You keep up the wonderful job your doing....

Okla

Okla,

Thanks for dropping by, and it's so nice to hear from you!




I see you haven't done so badly yourself. Keep up the good work.

I may not be 'remarried' but I can definitely say that I am 'happy'(more and more so ).

I am healthy, am enjoying and appreciating the 'presence' of my boys and a 'few' healthy friendships, taking advantage of work and travel opportunities....

...my dealings with WS have become a mere 'speck' in the sky, dispensed with the least amount of my time and attention....because I have better things to do!

....TODAY, life is good...and I couldn't ask for anything more!


NEWBIES: Take note, that when Luna first came to the Board.... the 'operative' word to describe her at the time was...BASKETCASE!

...it's amazing where you can end up.... with a bit of courage, patience, determination, motivation, effort, support, encouragement, creativity, curiosity, appreciation...

tatararaaaaaa

...and just 'getting back on that horse' whenever you fall off!

...trust me, I KNOW what I am talking about!

Hi Luna,

I'm at work and can't really respond. Man you are doing awesome.

I love you and hope you know it's just so incredibly comforting to see the growth in you.

Queenie,

I accept the fact that, given my commitments, I won't have the time needed to support newbies on their individual threads and personal challenges.

I will therefore try to SHOW newbies that a 'wonderful life' exists BEYOND D-day with or without M recovery (and in my case,at least for now, without M recovery or a new R) with some patience and effort (and time.....which can vary from person to person ).

As I see it, we all have 'wounds/needs', going way back when, that we learned to 'manage' (with bandaids) thinking that we would take care healing/satisfying them....LATER!

D-day (with WS's TAKER in charge!) is like a baseball bat hitting on your 'unhealed' wounds, by now 'infected' by years of neglect , but now screaming to be taken care of (and forget about getting help from WS when you need it most! )

BS needs to regroup, focus, and prioritize....

...and why Plan A needs to be short(taking care of BS wounds AND, good grief, negotiating with a WS! )

...and IF WS is unwilling to recommit to M recovery...

...like an already wounded soldier giving a courageous last attempt at saving M and family unit, BS needs to get the much deserved protection of PLAN B (and away from WS) and give FULL attention and taking care of those, now 'bleeding to death', wounds and those of the kids who got 'caught in the middle of the storm'! ....with no more messing around with WS

So, NEWBIES, I KNOW the decision to go into PLAN B is not EASY... only to be taken when ready (heart and head in harmony)... because to be EFFECTIVE, it needs to be DARK DARK DARK - GOT THAT!

I and many here KNOW and have experienced the FEAR , the UNKNOWN , the CHALLENGES of PLAN B (which by the way is just N/C with WS ..... someone whose TAKER is out of control! and is the last person you can expect to get help from when you are 'bleeding to death and in need of help' )

PLAN B also means, while BS is 'healing', that WS (who is holding hostage the woman/man BS loves!) is left alone to deal/handle internal chaos created by its taker ...BS having come to the realization that he/she cannot DO for WS what WS needs to CHOOSE to do for himself/herself, and that is, to 'heal' own neglected wounds... (which I consider WS attempts to do - in an unhealthy - with affair & OP)

....at what point, if ever, will WS realize that the short-term fix is incomparable to the long-term losses?

For now, I cannot speak to you about M recovery...

I CAN speak to you about PERSONAL RECOVERY
(....which is a pre-requisite, be it M recovery or a healthy new R!)

...to be 'in charge' of how to best heal our own wounds, learn to identify our needs/how to best satisfy them (independent of any 'one' person!)

Luna: proof that not only can BS survive an affair and Plan B... and who now expects to, just as 'smoothly' , cross the Plan D bridge very soon....

...like a phoenix rising from the ashes of affairland ....or a very ordinary bird whose wings (receiving much needed attention, kindness, compassion, support, peace, rest, comfort) are now healed enough .....to be free to choose to fly in that very very blue sunny sky of....LIFE!

Tell me, what 'little tiny weeny' ACTIONS will you be DOING today to take better CARE of precious, unique, wonderful....YOU?

PS: I am sorry for the long post....it has been a long-standing objective of mine to learn to be more ...brief and to the point... and guess it will be for another day!

No Luna, this is PERFECT.

Your grace and ability to walk through the pain, then share with us the feelings, the steps taken to overcome help EVERYONE KNOW there is another side to this awful destructive place to be.

Thank you for posting this. People need to constantly be reminded or shown, that they can survive this whether their M recovers or not. Even myself doesn't know how that would have looked like.

You are truly such an inspiration and your words help others believe it for themselves in their own time.

Have a wonderful day,
Queenie

Luna, Thanks for that, I am so glad to hear that you are doin so well....and I am positive seeing your post will help a lot of us Betrayed.

Wow, Luna, Wow. What a poetic description of the wounds, the hurt, the trauma, the battle, the aftermath. You have grown and we all see it. Hats off to you. And keep up the long posts. We can all benefit from your words of wisdom.

Wow, Luna has come a loooooooong way baby!

Gee, thanks for the replies!

...as I usually don't expect to have any (particularly if longer than a few lines) , so I am pleasantly surprised when I do.


HH, thanks for trying to put me at ease
even if some day you might just'regret' having encouraged me to do so!

Here's a short list of 'groceries' for the soul for you to consider (....and I don't remember from where I got it)

Each night, before going to sleep, about your day, think of...

What's one thing I am thankful for?
What's one thing I enjoyed?
What's one thing I feel satisfied about?
What's one thing I did that I feel proud about?
What's one thing I learned?
What's one intention I have for tomorrow?

Start with 'small actions/steps' that we all usually take for granted, like.....having food in the fridge, a conversation with a good friend, a five-minute walk getting fresh air, a hug from someone, taking time to take a shower, going to see a movie, A N Y T H I N G!

...don't worry if it's hard at first, it gets easier

I really like this. It helps to keep you focused on the positive and yet keeps you active in moving forward.

Thanks for the list. I've printed it out and will put it on my bedside table to review each night.

E X A C T L Y!

... like taking time to 'tend' to those beautiful, colourful, perfumed yet fragile flowers....so that the 'negatives' (like weeds who need very little to grow ) don't overpower your 'beautiful inner garden'!

I ask you all:

What will be the one 'little' gesture (the more the better ) you will DO today to take CARE of beautiful YOU?

Luna,

Thanks so much. I also printed it out to put in my night stand. Good stuff.

Hi CL,


Whatever it takes.... as life is hard enough as it is...sometimes!

Have a great day everybody!

You too.

How are your kids doing?

Luna! You sound so great! I am so thrilled that you found your " ROAR!!! - your inner strength is louder than any sound a lion could make.

You go, girl!!

Fox

It was so nice to read your update and how well you are doing. I love reading about peops in personal recovery