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Me - BW
FWH - BB -(PA Jul 08 - Aug 08)
D-Day - 8 Aug 2008
Recovering nicely
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Hi Looking.... Yeah, it was a fun week all in all.
Serendipitous, I really appreciate you saying that. I think so often we stay limited in what we are experiencing and not happening, versus all the good that is happening and how much I am grateful to G-d for this.
Thank you for checking in and your kind words. It's really nice to see you.
Warmly,
Queenie
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi Queenie! Yeah, it was a fun week all in all. 
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Shabbat Shalom, Queenie and Mr Adventures! Psalm 102 (NIV)
23 In the course of my life he broke my strength;
he cut short my days.
24 So I said:
"Do not take me away, O my God, in the midst of my days;
your years go on through all generations.
25 In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
26 They will perish, but you remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.
Like clothing you will change them
and they will be discarded.
27 But you remain the same,
and your years will never end.
28 The children of your servants will live in your presence;
their descendants will be established before you."
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Shabbat Shalom Mark, Bellevue, Sunflower, Miriam, Pretty... Happy Friday all... I hope you have a peaceful and blessed weekend. Why Mark, thank you. I'm not sure what this one means, but I can tell you that I will be thinking on it until I do.  Have a great day wise one... I miss your sermons so thank you for this.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Queenie, I sort of gave it to you for your husband... You see, when we're at our weakest, that is when He is at His strongest and when we are at our lowest, that is when He will lift us up. When David committed adultery with Bathsheba, then had her husband murdered to cover up his sin, the prophet Nathan came to see him and confronted him. At first he gave David an analogy (I sort of know a little about those) about a man who had many sheep and yet stole the pet lamb of his neighbor's children. Nathan asked David what he thought of a man who did such a thing and David, outraged over such an evil thing being done said that man should be put to death for his crime. But then Nathan told David that he was that man. He had stolen from his neighbor and had shown no compassion for him. He had sinned against the man, the nation and against God. It was soon after that David wrote the 51st Psalm: 1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar. When we humble ourselves before God and truly repent of what we have done, He will restore us to right relationship, with Him and with others. Then we will praise Him for who He is and what He has done. He will again accept our offerings, our sacrifices and our praise. Our relationship with Him will be restored.From the restoration of THAT relationship will flow the restoration of our relationships with each other. There are many things we might give to God as offerings but of course they all really belong to Him in the first place since He made it all. The one thing we can offer that He will not turn down, will not turn away from and will not despise is ourselves. That is what He really wants from us, is for us to give ourselves to Him totally, completely, unconditionally. When our will submits to His Will, He can use us for His purposes and we can become what He always meant for us to be. It begins with standing before Him, helpless, broken without defense and asking for nothing, simply offering to Him the one thing we have refused Him, ourselves and nothing more. Shalom Aleichem! Mark
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Gotcha...... I'll copy and paste for him. Thanks Mark. I hope the two of you get to speak directly one day.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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He can email me when he's ready...
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He can email me when he's ready... You got it....
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Queenie,
You see, when we're at our weakest, that is when He is at His strongest and when we are at our lowest, that is when He will lift us up.
sinned against the man, the nation and against God.
When we humble ourselves before God and truly repent of what we have done, He will restore us to right relationship, with Him and with others. Then we will praise Him for who He is and what He has done. He will again accept our offerings, our sacrifices and our praise. Our relationship with Him will be restored.From the restoration of THAT relationship will flow the restoration of our relationships with each other.
It begins with standing before Him, helpless, broken without defense and asking for nothing, simply offering to Him the one thing we have refused Him, ourselves and nothing more.
Shalom Aleichem!
Mark Mark, this is true not only for the wayward but for the BS. Very powerful. Thank you for sharing this.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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I so totally agree with you on this. I totally agree...
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hey! Did I ever get your phone from you again? If you're not busy, got time to catch up?
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Well, well, well Queenie. I admit it�s been a while since I got out of recovery and really looked about in SaA. I see your thread and have a look and what do I see? Nose piercing!?! So, gonna send me a photo? LOL DDD17 has pierced her tongue. I like the idea of something in my mouth to play with but worry about what damage it will do to my teeth. I think 7 holes in my ears is enough... hmm not much left 
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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LOL... Yes, I took a walk on the wild side. I admit, it's taken a little more to get used to than I thought, but I really like it. I love that photo on facebook. 5 generations, how frick'n cool. I'm waiting till the red goes down.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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As a linguist, some of the folks around me who have gotten their tongues pierced have tried to cover it up.
I always hear the difference immediately when they talk.
They say I can't hear the difference, but I ask them how I would know over the phone? A few have called me to see if I notice anything, and I ask right away.
I've caught their kids, too, at college.
Fun stuff.
Oh, BTW, everyone I know who did this took the darn thing out.
I guess at some point the drooling thing jsut gets to them?
Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Schoolbus, you have been MISSED so much.
How are you?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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So I'll admit, reading that one thread where the woman was once a BS turned WS sparked my intrigue as to who she was. I didn't a little research to see if she ever posted to me, and I lost patience. But.... I did find this. The sermon today at church was about What to Do, When you Don't Know What to Do. I think you, and many of us here, feel that way often,,,,,,trying to figure out our path.
It gave me great comfort to hear that the 'instructions' were pretty much what you & I and a whole lot of other folks are doing.
#1. Pray - always and unceasingly ( seek Him & His will constantly)
#2. Be Patient (He is always on Time)
#3. Be Positive (Trust in Him. Don't deny your circumstances, but trust that HE has a plan to work it to our good)
#4. Be ProActive (Don't let the unknown in 1 part of your life paralyze your ENTIRE life. Keep up with all other aspects of your live and leave this one thing to Him)
While we are praying, trusting, and being positive, if we carry on with the other aspects of our life, the answers will come. Getting snared up in the questions doesn't free us to do what we need to do. Carry on, knowing that the answer will come.
I know that IRL folks look at us like we are totally NUTS when we say anything about still having any spec of love for our WH. That's ok. I know what I know. I accept what I know. It works for me. Most people around me accept that. If they don't, I don't spend much, if any, time with them OR it's just not something we discuss at all.
It is hard after seeing the WH to not think about still loving them. What I do is mentally picture a beautiful, mahogony trunk. It's like a huge, old fashioned steamer trunk. The kind with brass straps and a huge key lock on the front. I picture putting the love I have for Drac inside that trunk and locking it up tight. I then keep the key on a golden chain around my neck. It is nice and long so that I can tuck it inside where no one can see it, but I know it's there.
This is how I handle accepting the love that I have for him. It's locked away. The horrible monster he is can't touch it. He doesn't know where the key is and he never will. If someday the man I love shows up, I'll have the key. If he doesn't, then one day I will likely take the chain off my neck and put it away, too.
Time will tell.
What I'm trying to say is that instead of beating yourself up for the love you feel, protect it. Put it away into a safe place so that you can carry on with the rest of your life. It doesn't mean you STOP loving him, but merely that you put space between your day to day life and that love. I needed this reminder today. Hi JT.... Queenie waving from the hills remembering your wisdom...
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi Queenie (JT waving from the blustery northern valley) Hope all is well with you. It was so much fun on Wed. Let's not wait that long for the next get-together. Love ya'
johnstwin-
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther
Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!
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Queenie-
I'm glad you found this and posted it. I really needed to read this right now.
I had coffee earlier with a friend, who is just incredulous that I would want to recover my marriage at this point- esp. since it's been almost 18 months since Dday. Ya know I got the "How can you still love him? How can you even think of sharing future years with him? and the all-important How can you think of having him in your bed again?"
I am beginning to wonder that myself, esp after the cr@p that WH has pulled in the last 2 weeks. I know I need Plan B and am so hoping that Family Court trial occurs next month so I can do this. Right now, I have to show that I am the cooperative parent who has DSs best interests at heart.
Kateydid
BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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Hi Kateydid,
I'm so sorry you are struggling. Unfortunately that's part of the territory. And some days are easier than others. I came to terms that IRL, my friends weren't going to support me because they didn't want to see me hurt. It was the easier way. But the heart does what the heart does.
How can you want him in your bed. How can you still love him.
How can you hurt the one you promised to love forever and be with forever. How can you hurt your children. How can you be an a$$ and just do what you do.
Isn't it interesting how how can you be for both sides of the coin and mean so much difference. One is ugly and dark, the other is light and full of G-d. You can because you love him. You can because you made a vow to G-d. You can because you have learned on here about A and how they don't last etc.
Of course you will wonder yourself. I did. I did ALOT. Plan B for sure, although very scary and in some ways is the end to the marriage, is the way you can protect your love and when and if that time comes you can recover your marriage because you are in a healthier, more protected state and will learn things about yourself you can't even imagine.
Mimi taught me I was fighting a war. G-d is your leader. He will give you the strength to do whatever you need to do because you are doing it for the right reason. For your family, for your marriage. I did things that weren't necessarily how I truly felt, but I did it for the common good. I worked Plan A for a long time knowing full well I was preparing myself for Plan B. I did what I had to do to PROTECT my family. So, I applaud you for that strength and ability to do what is necessary.
I'm glad this post brought comfort because when I read it, I found comfort and guidance in it.
My prayer for you tonight is that you feel the protection of G-d and that you are doing the very best you can do.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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