Very common viewpoint. I might have even bought into it at one time. Never again.

Your primal flaw, repeatedly.

Same thinking permitted cheating "before" marriage vows.

Same thinking permitted "Biblical" filing for divorce.

Your pattern is repeated.

ok. How do you recommend a change to this pattern? I would assert that this marriage is over. So how to go forward in your opinion?

If you are here looking for suggestions for self improvement, perhaps take self inventory on the ways you've used "technicalities" to get your needs met in dishonest ways.

I recall that incedent, mostly. We were having a verbal argument about something, which I don't recall. I guess she didn't like how it was going. She started to say she was scared. She called the police. My son was here at the time and I had to grab what I could at the moment and him. I took what I could and left, like clothes and things. I spent the ride explaining to my son what happened.

I did not touch her, nor had I. Yet again, there is and was no police reports, medical reports... nothing. So you can derive what you wish. My assertion is she did it as a power move. You can formulate your own opinion.

I am not a wife abuser. My evidence is the complete lack of any recorded incident of it. Never once a hospital bill, police report or otherwise related to anything I did to her. Because I never hit her. I never physically hurt her.

And now that I seem to be polarizing several folks here, possibly I should simply leave again.. I certainly did not desire to cause a rift with people here. I think the rehashing of my marriage isn't all that fruitful, taking a look at this. hmmm.. I guess I will stop posting here again. I mean I really don't know what else to do at this moment. So I will leve it here unless there is something else I need to address. (shrug)

Most people (including me) do not have English degrees. How does your degree matter?

I meant saying this:


Saying that in spirit, she filed, when in fact, you did.

You must have filed because you wanted to. Why not say that? Why say that it is because she walked away from the marriage?

Most people (including me) do not have English degrees. How does your degree matter?

I meant saying this:


Saying that in spirit, she filed, when in fact, you did.

and found that, because she left the marriage (to YOUR mind), there was Biblical justification for you to accept that.

I'm sure it was explained many times here on MB that she was insecure in the marriage. She might have been completely wrong to doubt you, but she regularly broached divorce because she was unhappy.

Why would the trial be nasty?

Maybe you didn't see Pep's questions, since she likely posted as you were typing the above reply.

I for one would like to see those addressed. I think they could be most helpful, even critical, to your personal recovery.

**** was never crazy.

**** is a beautiful, deeply loving, but deeply fearful woman with a history of marrying very abusive men.

**** struggled daily, hourly even with her fears and her drive to find emotional stability and health. The healthier **** became, the more Pat's passive aggression escalated.

How many times has he posted on here just after having admitted lying to **** about something? This is the pattern...he acts out, he gets caught, he then posts here as a victim, and everyone feels sorry for poor Pat - why doesn't **** give him a break?

Maybe he never got a break because he always felt his own interests were more important than her safety? Maybe because he broke every rule in the MB book and *****edit*****

When she reacted badly to betrayal by him, over and over and over, he punished her by posting here. Obviously, something has happened that he feels the need to punch her buttons again...

The relationship of a abused individual to the abuser is not much different psychologically than that of an alcholic or drug addict to their codependent spouses.

I found that there was a pretty interesting pattern to the addiction/abuse backgrounds of those who defended Pat and called ****crazy.

I find it horrifying that so many can claim that ****'s claim of rape was a false accusation.

The only 2 people who know the truth are Pat and ****.

No wonder women are afraid to report rape - ****edit*****

******edit******

I was thinking the same thing. My STBXH talked about divorce for months. I finally filed. Now he is saying he will drag the D out because he never really wanted the D in the first place.
Where in the Bible does it actually say that???? I read the Bible and counsel with my pastor and I've never hear this.

I don't suppose I have anything constructive to give on this site at the moment.

I did not mean to stir up so many folks.

I stand by these facts. I never physically abused ****. Never. That anyone here would have the gall to accuse me of that , rape or anything else without so much as a shred of proof is appalling.

Maybe you don't like me. Thats fine. I accept that. In no way did I ask you to stop. And in no way does it give you reason to accuse me, judge me and determine my guilt over anything you have zero proof of.

If you are so inclined, drop me an email. We can talk about it away from here. If not, then not.

I will step out so you fine folks can return to helping people that just found out and need your help.

There was never an attack on *****, physical or sexual. Without a single instance of proof, you should be ashamed of yourself for buying it.

I ask the mods lock this thread. I'll go.

Locked at OP's request.