Adding my FB woe to this thread as requested.

I had an FB account and encouraged OM to set one up. After dday I blocked him. In the days following NC I would often unblock OM to see if he had blocked me (he never did).

After a month or so I got unfoggy enough to stop torturing myself with that silly game.

In the following couple of months I was so very very temtpted to check again, get a fix, particualry if things weren't going well with J. I resisted.

SO I have been using FB beautifully in the last 6 months, no urge to check up on OM at all. Used it mostly to stay in touch with old colleagues, friends that I see regularly anyway, cousin in France and London and my MB buddies. And in the last month or so J set up an account so that we could flirt and give each other pressies while he is at work. I have to say that I have most enjoyed that and the MB interaction on there and meeting so many of you lovely ladies there.

But this week it caused me total trauma. OM popped up in a photo on a friends wall. He wasn't tagged, so couldn't be blocked. I immediately blocked the friend and then another one that I thought may also have a photo from the same night out.

STs FB trauma


We're a couple of days on now and this is still doing my nut in.

I've started looking out for white vans again, I can't pick up my trumpet w/o him popping inot my head again.

Hopefully this will quicly pass. I don't like the bloke, he's ugly, he's a loser but seeing his pic well I can't really explain it makes me feel most odd - I'm sat here shaking my head and grimacing.

Anyway - WS out there:- do away with FB just in case your OP ever pops up


ETA: I have now deactivated my account completley - couldn't face that happenning again.

That block feature can be disabled in about 2 seconds flat. So everytime a WS goes on FB, she can be tempted to unblock that person. And if the affair ocurred on facebook, she will be triggered everytime she goes there. Not to mention the fact that the WS can see the OP on other people's facebook pages.

We have about FIVE affairs that started on Facebook on the first 4 pages of this forum right now. Why would anyone in their right mind take that chance? Like Dr Harley says, in order to recover, the environment that faciliatated the affair has to be changed.

awesome post, staytogether!

I can't see the debate. There is NO good reason for a WS to have a FB account. I shut FWHs account down right after Dday, and he was rarely even on it.
Emailing relatives and old friends is a good way to stay in touch, with zero triggers.

I like the idea of deleting your separate FB accounts and forming one together as a married couple.

Thank you, StayTogether!

Facebook was the vehicle for my EA as well. I opened an account to promote my business, but it quickly became a social obsession. I had family, friends from overseas where I lived for several years, high-school friends and college. It was a great place for me to keep in touch with everyone all in one convenient place. And then an ex friended me. Boundries easily blur in the virtual world (look how much more we share on this site than we would share with someone in the same room). Mine blurred quickly. When D-day came I agreed promptly to block OM, but my continued use of FB tortured my BH. I kept using my business as the reason, but a part of me really wanted to be able to keep the fantasy alive. As we had mutual friends it was always a possibility. And I still had all the buttons he'd sent me, which I couldn't figure out how to get rid of. Every log-on was a trigger. Like ML said, it would only take a click of the mouse to remove that block. Facebook is now synonomous with OM and I can never again use it or any other social networking site.

Sadly, the mere mention of FB (and the 'find us on FB' is EVERYWHERE) triggers my BH every time. Selfishly, I wish FB would disappear!

If a couple chooses to make a joint account they should only ever use it TOGETHER. I think this is a valid choice if both agree enthusiastically to the terms and especially if you have kids on it.

I don't want to start a new thread, so I will ask this here.

I was engaged to someone else in college. Our dating didn't overlap or anything, but exF and H do know each other. ExF married a girl my H was good buddies with in college not long after we got married. I haven't seen or talked to ex since we broke up in 1992.

Yesterday exF's wife requested friendship with my H, and he accepted. I do NOT have worries about an EA or anything like that, and I don't think the W is doing it against me or any of that. But since my A and esp coming here, I just don't want any connection between me and any guy I have had anything romantic to do with. But it really isn't fair for my H not to be able to connect with a college buddy just because I had an A. I am not worried about her friending me or the ex friending me. But H did make a few comments about how ex still had all his hair, etc.

Am I just being a paranoid idiot? I have no inclination to reconnect and I have no "nostalgic" feelings about ex. Shouldn't my H be free to friend a college friend without having to worry about my past A? I don't want to ask him to defriend her just because it took ME by surprise.

Luri,
Tell your H what you told us. See what HE thinks. Does he want to trigger you? I doubt it. POJA, and maybe you can figure out a way to meet both needs.