I lost it yesterday and had a crying fest while I was taking down my border in my bedroom. I actually got mad for the first time since my WH left me 4 1/2 months ago. I beat on the wall and screamed and yelled at God. I was ripping off the border and yelling I hate you Wade! I also was yelling a few other choice words that I cannot post here. Now I am at work with puffy eyes. Doing better today.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 47yrs
OW 26yrs with a 2 and 3yr old and still married.
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

Anger is good.

Fear is bad.

((Traci))
Just take it day-by-day, girl.
You still have a lot of life left in you, you just don't know where it's heading.
My guess is there's something good coming up soon.
Hang in there.

>She said I have a good outlook on things because I said I win no matter what the outcome

I totally agree with her.

And...

You totally rock, Traci! I think you are wonderful!

You know, some days I am happy and fine and others I just want to scream and take a baseball bat to both of them. I can see why people do what they do when they are betrayed. I wouldn't really take a bat to them but I don't think I would regret doing it if I did. I am not a violent person, I just want everyone to know that. I am getting better everyday.

What is really nice is that I know that the OW is going to get tired of supporting my WH because neither one of them has any money and with all his bill he has only a couple of hundred dollars left over every month. Heck, the insurance company just upped his truck insurance by $30/month becasue he no longer has the multicar discount because I separated his truck from mine and the our daughters vehicles. He now has to pay almost $100/month.(Snicker,snicker,giggle,giggle). The more he has to pay out for bills the less he has for her and her 2 kids. He can't even pay for a divorce never mind a lawyer. I even volunteered to pay half which is $200. He told our DD 19 that he was going to sell his truck on ebay and I don't see how, since he is upsidedown on it by $3000-$4000. He is paying $710/month for it now.

I really hope he cannot come up with the money for the divorce and that he will come around soon. I don't want to get divorced and I would like to reconcile, but until then I am taking care of me. Started painting the bedroom yesterday and got my hair and nails done this past Saturday. Also went to 2 parties Friday night. I know one thing, if I do get divorced and when I am ready to date,I have 2 doctors wanting to go out with me.

I know that at times I sound silly and say off the wall stuff, but that is how I feel at times. I just wish I knew what to do. Writing here is some of the best therapy I can get. I just want to get my husband back and to work on our marriage. I know that I have to wait until he realizes that he has made a mistake and wants to come back and that takes time. Until then I have to grow and take care of myself. I have to give time time. I feel so frustrated at times because I know that his affair isn't going to last and I just wish I could get that through his thick skull. He is an idiot! I know that in the end they will get what they deserve.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 47yrs
OW 26yrs with a 2 and 3yr old and still married
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 dicovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

Traci, you just said in a few sentences the entire focus of MB. I think you're doing great! Please keep it up, and keep letting us know how you're doing.

Today will be my last day taking lexapro. I had cut in half and now I have been taking a half dose every other day. My counselor said that I would probably have some mood swings for a couple of weeks and the only thing that has happened is that I finally got angry this past Saturday. Today someone I know asked if I had heard anything from my WH and I had said no. She had wondered if he had married the OW and my heart almost leapt out of my chest. I told her no because we were still married and she was still married to her H. The reason she had asked was because her daughter knows the OW and said that on facebook she is listed as married. Now I am a little down. I feel like crying.

Yesterday I received a package in the mail for my WH. It seems he had ordered something and had it sent to my house. I know why he sent it, it was because he isn't suppose to be living where he is at. It is income based housing and he isn't on the lease and together they make too much money. The package wouldn't have fit in her mailbox and would have gone to the apartment complex office and they would have been discovered. One of my friends is going to pick up his mail at my house and take it to the apartment complex where he lives and tell them to give it to him and who is living with. My WH told me when I told him he couldn't live there that she was paying full rent. He must think I am stupid. I found out that you can live there only if you make less than a certain amount. If he says anything I will just remind him that he said it was ok because she paid the full amount.

I just pray with all my heart and soul that he returns. I know that he is going to return because God has been giving me signs for months now. 2 of the signs were blatant. I was feeling very low and giving up on my marriage and I received a message on a Christian web site that said "DON'T GIVE UP" in big capital letters.The last message was while I was going through the Bible and I came upon Mark 11:22-24. It said to have faith and do not doubt and whatever I say will happen and whatsoever I desire when I pray I will receive it. I wasn't even looking for anything like this. I have never doubted that my WH was going to return. It seemed when I was at my lowest God was there to pick me up and to give me hope again.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 47yrs
OW 26yrs with a 2 and 3yr old and still married
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moves in with OW 7/29/2009

I'd write no longer at this address on it and give it back to the mailman.

It's called a consequence.

Agree 100%. When WW was moving out, the first question she asked was if she could continue receiving mail here (since she couldn't *officially* move in with OM). I said no. She was moving out (and that was one of the items I listed in my Plan B letter).

Early this week I received notice from the Post Office that her change of address had been processed. I have no idea where she's now receiving it, but Plan B requires that I don't care.

YES!

Something your WS has had VERY LITTLE of.

Do NOT support his affair!

Send it back! Drop it off at the post office. If he hadn't left, he would have received it. He left. His tough luck.

Until you get stronger and madder and stricter, he will continue to cake eat - which is exactly what wayward men want.

REMOVE your slice of cake from his plate.

Yup. Back to the post office--return to sender. Same as with any other mail that might make it to your box.

I'll pick up all his mail that is on the front porch and take it to the post office Friday. He probably will come and check to see if that package is there while I am at work. It came in yesterday so hopefully he hasn't been by yet. He has a lot of mail on the porch so I will probably send it all back or throw it away. this will probably get a response from him. I think he wxpects me to make contact with him but I won't. He left me and he wants the divorce so I refuse to do anything to help him out. I don't have anything to do with him at all because I am in plan B and the only reason I let him email me was becasue he wanted a divorce. Now, since I told him to hurry up with it so I don't have to hear or see him again he hasn't done anything. Guess he doesn't want a divorce as bad as he thought. Haven't heard from him in almost 5 weeks. Hope this continues because I don't want a divorce even though I know it is just apiece of paper and we can reconcile after the divorce.

Hi Traci,
Hang in there, keep doing what you're doing. Harley says Plan B is very stressful and now you experienced how true it is (I wish you didn't have to). I'm glad you don't need the meds anymore. Good advice from everyone on how to handle his stuff. Remove yourself from anything that is his responsibility.

Gg

Sweet heart you are no mail service.

Send his mail back.

Better yet....simply write on the package and mail "no such person at address...forward to... (insert WH address here)"....then the package will get to his new residence where it should have gone too. If the managers office gets it....Oh well. He should have considered that before he moved in there.

Don't help him lie about how he is living.

She is not his secretary, no forwarding. Just RTS (return to sender) on ALL his mail.

Well, a good thing I didn't send back that package. DD 19 asked me if a package had come in for WH and I said yes and she said that he had ordered her a power cable for her XBox. So the package was for DD. All the other mail has been thrown in the garbage. Thanks for everyones opinion. I really appreciate all of you and your insights.

Hi,
there are a few thing I wanted to comment about as I have been reminded myself of in this forum many times. So I will pass him to you.

Yes, and sex is a powerful thing. Man have it as one of the highest EN. Till she meets that need he will not leave her. If he leaves her.


You sent him a link on As not to long ago. That is major contact because it brings us relationship issues and that is a no no to beging with...and when in plan B is really breaking NC big time.


You do not know that. His A could go on forever and he could very well end up M her. A in general do not last, but some do. You need to take care of yourself and not keep wondering what he and she are doing. If your mind is always with him who is thre with you? YOu abandon yourself everytime you go into his business. If we abandon ourselves no wonder we end up feeling abandoned!

Oh Yes, now doubt about it!


Do not count on karma, life is not always fair and the way we look at things is not the way our WS look at things. They have a different view of the world and what looks like misery to us might just be fine to them.

I would date those doctors as soon as possible and start to take care of your needs and forget about him.
Three weeks are not to long for stalling on a serious thing as a D. You can't say yet that he no longer wants it. He might very well want just that.
I am sorry if I sound harsh,but this is what i also tell myself daily.
Make sure you make it clear to you H that you are leaving a door open even after D. It was not clear to me if you actually verbalize that to him or wrote it to him.
blessing

Yes, Atena, I know that I have to do better but it is hard and I never expected it to be easy. I haven't had any contact with WH in 5 weeks and haven't seen him in about 4 months. Right i am trying to take care of me. Last night I went out after work and enjoyed myself. I don't plan on dating until after I am divorced andI am ready. I still have respect for myself and my marriage vows even if he doesn't. I am not even ready to date right now.

The reason I don't think they will last is that they don't have any money and won't for many years. Also my WH is diabetic and has high cholesterol and is 47yrs old. That is not a good combo especially when you don't have insurance anymore. He can not afford insurance even if his company offered it and he can't afford to go to a doctor or to buy his medication. Diabetes affects a lot of things at that age especially you know what. And with no medication it speeds up the process and he has had neuropathy in the past until he was on medication. So with no money, no sex, him not helping her and going no where she isn't going to stay.

You never know.

He might come back as a lizard.