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Fred, do you want to try and save your marriage?
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Fred, I think you should "unfriend" your WW while you are in Plan B.
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Joined: Jun 2007
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If WW isn't getting her needs filled by OM, why not show her that H (me) is still doing the things that she enjoyed doing? Because you are in Plan B. Plan B is about DARKNESS not information.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 6,643
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You wrote her a Plan B letter stating how much you love her and want the marriage. You explained to her what she needs to do to come home and work on the marriage, she hasn't met any condition and you are DARK.
Leave her alone, let her feel the pain of her bad choices and decisions. If you interfere you are getting in G-ds way and it will take longer.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I hear and I understand. Once again, I bow to the wisdom of the board.
Unfriending WW immediately.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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I hear and I understand. Once again, I bow to the wisdom of the board.
Unfriending WW immediately.  You need to let the Plan work for itself. I was in a DARK DARK Plan B for almost a year. Now, I will say at one point facebook was used exactly for that reason, and it became my friend in the end. But that was AFTER other things had been in place. DEFOGGING... specifically. TRUST the process if you want your marriage..
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
I hear and I understand. Once again, I bow to the wisdom of the board.
Unfriending WW immediately. atta-boy Fred !
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Joined: May 2000
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I agree with Queenie and Pep. The fb friendship w/ ww is not in keeping with Plan B. You have read the Plan B info haven't you?
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Joined: Jun 2007
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I agree with Queenie and Pep. The fb friendship w/ ww is not in keeping with Plan B. You have read the Plan B info haven't you? 
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
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It is apparently called a 'block,' not 'unfriending' them. It's a two-way block: I can't see her stuff and she can't see mine. To reverse it, I have to send a new 'friend request.'
DARK.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Posts: 6,643
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Good... you need to keep her "ickiness" out of your life for today. It's so imperative for you to heal, thereby preserving the love you have for her.
One day at a time. G-nite... I'll check on ya tomorrow..
Good job.... Let G-d have her... You can't fix her and change her. but HE CAN...
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 2,888
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Fred, do you want to try and save your marriage? Yes. But more importantly, I want to save *me*. I'm reading and learning a lot here. If my marriage can't or shouldn't be saved, at least I want to save something of me: my self-respect, dignity, honesty and... caring. I have a character flaw that makes me want to instinctively trust someone until that person gives me cause to not trust them. Being stabbed in the back by the one closest to you has a tendency to make one question all that they know and believe. The block is on.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Posts: 2,888
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A new question has popped up in my head a couple of time these past few days, so I thought I'd check the wisdom of the board again:
Should I send Christmas gifts to my step-children? They live with their dad, WW's FXH. Since I am legally still their step-father, and they are blameless in this A, would it not be the kind thing to do?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Posts: 2,888
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Bumping. My attorney just emailed me. She has not yet spoken with WW yet, as she did not have WW's phone number last week.
Before I reply, I want to once again get the consensus of the veterans here. Should I offer to pack up a box of items WW has requested and leave it on the front porch?
Since her request was unclear, I'm thinking of suggesting she supply my attorney with a list that will fill up no more than one box.
Good move? Bad move? I'm holding off writing my attorney until I have a solid plan in mind.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Posts: 11,245
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I don't know about Plan B rules, but I would. (psst: buy them some books! Great for kids who have something to think about, to take their minds off of it)
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If you can send the present to him and it doesn't involve her being a part of it at all. Yes, I would.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 2,888
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I was thinking of buying each of them a gift card, and sending it to them enclosed with a Christmas card. DSS13 likes sports and DSD15 is teenage girl (clothing, makeup, etc.). Just a little something to let them know that as their still-legal stepfather, I'm thinking of them and wish them no ill.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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I would box up exactly what she asked for. Period. No negotiating. And stipulate it is a one-time show of good grace.
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Posts: 6,643
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But more importantly, I want to save *me*. That's what Plan B is all about... Saving YOU... Removing yourself from the insanity and chaos of the wayward and healing yourself so that if and when the time comes, she gets her butt out of her head and wants to work on the marriage, you will have love left to try and work on the marriage.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Posts: 6,643 |
I was thinking of buying each of them a gift card, and sending it to them enclosed with a Christmas card. DSS13 likes sports and DSD15 is teenage girl (clothing, makeup, etc.). Just a little something to let them know that as their still-legal stepfather, I'm thinking of them and wish them no ill. By the way, have you done this in the past? Or at least kept in touch with them?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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