An update. H and I went to the MB course last weekend. It was excellent. Both H and I picked up many nuggets. Time now to work on the followup - this time with the accountability of a coach.

My most difficult thing will be to keep my mouth shut about the A. But, at least for the last few days, I have not been feeling the least bit resentful. That in itself is amazing.

AM

Prayers for both of you.

Thanks Pepperband. Prayers are always welcomed and appreciated.

AM

Great news AM! I hope that the MB weekend and ongoing coaching will finally get you over those remaining hurdles and into an amazing recovery.

Mindshare

An interesting few days. H and I attended the MB weekend. It was good and we came home feeling positive.

Tues we filled out and shared the personal history questionnaire. A little rough but no real surprises and no LBs.

Then, yesterday, for NO reason I know, I asked H whether he had talked to OW on phone in NOV, when he was in contact (the event that led to the re-title of thread). I had thought he emailed her and she never answered (had some character???). Turned out they emailed using a new account several times and talked on the phone several times from H's mom's to OW work phone. I went ballastic, called OW on the phone (she denied it), talked to her H (he believed it). Amazingly, MB coach called during the middle of this - said we needed to work on affection subcourse first. So today we did. But about 4 hours sleep last night and two pieces of toast to eat in the last couple days.

The real thing that troubles me is the question of WHY AM I STILL HERE IN THE M? can not answer that one

AM

Well, that's one of us anyway. MB Coach says she will address other O&H with H. Takes it off my plate.


BTW, the very nice apology I received from OW last Nov was created under duress from OWH and took her more than 2 hours to write. I actually did get a laugh out of that one.
AM

Glad to here the weekend went well but sorry to hear about events of last Nov.

Did H say anything specific about what he liked about the weekend or was it in general?

He liked meeting the Harley's. Even though we have read the books, he liked hearing about the topics in person. He liked having a weekend away alone with me AND he liked the Mall of America.

AM

PS Because we are working on affection sub-course and H would like more smiling, I smiled a bunch yesterday - didn't really feel like it, but did it anyway.

AM,
OMG, I just read your posts from yesterday!!! Secret email account! Phone calls! This just reminds me that we BSs will probably never know everything that happened during and after the A.

You smiled a lot yesterday to hide the pain you were feeling. Good for you. I know it must have been hard. I agree with Dr. Harley that we can't keep rehashing the affair because it keeps it too fresh in our minds. I wonder though if Dr. Harley has any idea what we BSs go through to maintain that facade when triggers assault us so unexpectedly almost on a daily basis. I wonder if your eyes cooperated with your smiling lips. I remember my FWH telling me that he looked forward to the day that the pain would disappear from my eyes so that they would smile too. Last week when I received his latest additions to the I Love You list (now 10 pages long), one of his additions said, "I love you when you smile even though you are hurting inside." It was good to know that he realizes that there is still pain despite my smiling eyes.

You ask why you are still in the marriage. I've asked myself that same question many times since my H's LTA. I've never come up with a real answer. I did, however, see something in one of Mark's posts that referred to a BS's inexplicable, selfless, unearned love for the WS. I think the key word is is "inexplicable." I've always defined myself by my roles in life--wife, mother, teacher, etc.; maybe I 'm fighting to show a successful outcome in all those roles. I know that I've loved him for so long now that I can't imagine not doing it. Maybe it's because I feel responsible for his happiness, as I did when we took those vows so long ago.

Did you ride the rollercoasters at Mall of America? I was never a rollercoaster fan before the A, but now I can ride anything. I have faced a greater demon than a machine that turns you inside out and upside down. I faced an ugly truth that threatened my sanity and the only life I knew. A little old rollercoaster, no matter how many screams it ilicits, cannot compare to that. I rode them all on my MB weekend.

Have a good weekend.

GY

Today's news from OWH was that my H and OW's last conversation was that they still love each other, blah, blah and if it does not work out with OWH and with me, H and OW should be together.

I asked H about his MB understanding for ending an A and he rattled off everything EXCEPT an NC letter.

Did not ride the rollercoaster in MN. It was three below zero and every kid in MN was at the mall staying warm on the rides.

Love bank balance today - overdrawn
H's balance - could care less

AM

(((((ARMYMAMA)))))

CRAP !

On the plus side (I guess), I lost another 5 pounds.

Thinking seriously (again) about leaving. H and OW belong together - a couple of lying cheaters. A match for all time. The resentment is oozing from every pore - guess that is no secret from my posts of the last couple days.

AM

What does your gut say?

What is your H saying about these latest revelations?

AM, have you posted to Dr Harley about this? I bet he has a thing or two to say about this!!

Yeah, that too.

{{{{{AM}}}}},

I am so sorry for your pain.......

Book a spa treatment.....

You (& stupid, foggy WH too.......I suppose.... ) are in my prayers.....

Not2fun

ps..... Ok, I must admit I gotta chuckle at the WH's love bank comment

I started to post to Dr. Harley on the weekend forum. In the middle of it, the whole thing disappeared from the computer (sometimes happens0. Then I started thinking that H also attended the course. If he wants to post about what is going on, he should go for it. Let him do the heavy lifting for a flipping change. I AM NOT GOING TO DO THE HEAVY LIFTING ANY LONGER.

AM