Til she meets that need? Don't understand. Who?

fwiw, many many affairs HAVE been stopped precisely because the man no longer gets all his other ENs met. It's like eating ice cream for every meal. May sound like heaven at first, but after a couple weeks, you'll realize that a sandwhich now and then would be heavenly.

I think you mean it's like eating CHEAT-os for every meal, CP.

Sorry.

Couldn't resist.

Yes, I have to agree with you that after you description of you H situation his A will not last long.
But you are hinting that he will return only for the money. How do you feel about that? Is that ok with you?

Also we do not think the same way as the WS. They are aliens so they do not think like us. They might like ice cream all the time. Look at facts...many WS do not return to their spouse. Sad but true!
We need to think of us. Congrats! You are doing well! Me too, i am not ready to date either.
blessing

atena, I realize you're letting your own situation drown out your opinions, but MB does work. Not always, of course, but it has a better success rate than most other options out there. Because it's based on psychology. We can predict a lot of things about waywards, such as how Plan B will often affect a WS.

If my WH comes back becasue of money he will have to live with his friends and still work on our marriage my way which will be according to Dr. Harley's principles. I really don't think he will return because of the money but there is a chance he will return because of that. Statistics show that 65% of couples reconcile after an affair and of the 35% that get divorced 80%regret getting a divorce that means I have a 93% of getting back with my WH before and after a divorce and he has less than 1% chance of making it with her. I didn't tell you that I like to read and do research and I love math. That is what happens when you are a nurse and been in the military and were once a marine biology major. It makes me mad that my WH went from me, a very well educated, smart, attractive, easy going,hard working, loving woman, who would of and did anything for him to an uneducated skank who is going nowhere and will never go anywhere. I always put my WH and my children first in my life and I guarantee she will put herself and her children first. Now I am going to put me first because I am what is important now. My children are grown and leading their own lives and now it is ju st me.

Money, I've heard, is often the deciding factor for MEN to decide if they should fish or cut bait... stick it out or bail while they still have a chance.

Face it... many of these men are past their prime in the job market. They have worked to build retirement funds and salaries that they might be in jeapordy of losing if they continue their affairs.

And let's not forget discrentionary income. Suddently having to live on a budget when they haven't for so long can't be fun. ESPECIALLY if a chunk of their salary is going back into their family -- ex and kids and house.

Pride comes before the fall. And if they LIKE being poor again and worrying about money, then who better to comfort them than the OP. If they loved them when the wayward was showering them with gifts and affection, they can love them during the hard times and the depression.

Remember the "for better or worse" part? Us BSs do. Let's see how long the OP sticks around for the "worse" part.

Hi Traci,
In the future, I wouldn't toss his mail in the garbage, since that might be a crime. Write return to sender on it all and drop it in the closest USPS box. Better yet, do a change of address so all of it goes to skanky's apartment. That ought to raise some red flags.

This mail has been collecting for about 2 months and I don't have his address, I just know what apartment complex he is at. If he wanted it badly enough he would of came and got it.

Yeah, then return to sender is the best way. Why give him a reason to stop by. "Sorry pal, ain't no mail for you here, cuz you don't live here anymore."

93% of getting back with my WH? I think that your math/logic is flawed.

If you take 100 couples and 65 get back together after an affair before a divorce then that is 65%. Of the 35 couples left 80% regret getting divorced that is 28 out of 35 then that leaves only 7 that means 93% chance that I will get back with my WH because he will regret getting divorced. Now he could be one of the 7% who don't regret it. I still have a better chance at getting back with my WH than my husband has of making it with the OW. But for now I am going to take care of me and have fun with my friends and redo my house. I am already making plans on going to disney World in February and Texas in March. After that I haven't planned anything.

Yes, you do have a better chance that your WH will want you back then him and OW living happily ever after....I think usu the problem is by the time the [censored]es realize it the BS has usu moved on...

80% regret getting divorced? Who doesn't regret getting divorced? That doesn't mean 80% go back to their ex-spouse? DUDE

Statistics is not an exact science. I was just using the numbers that I found during my research at the beginning. It made me feel better in the beginning and I just remember them still. Right now I am not worried about my WH coming back or not, even though I want him back. I do know that of the 80% who regret getting divorce doesn't mean they reconcile but it does increase my chances of reconciliation if I am still interested whenor if he decides to reconcile.

Again, I would like to thank everyone for their opinions and help, I really appreciate it. I know that I kind of go off the deep end but then I think we all do at one time or another. We are allowed because of what has happened to us. It is how we handle things later and how we let it shape us is what counts. I know deep down that I will be a stronger and better person in the long run.

MB is great and we must all agree as we are on this forum!
However it works when it does and at times it doesn't.
Humans are complicated and there are too many variables involved plus we are also dealing with WS, a highly unstable group of people.
Making prediction about what they will do, how long the A will last, that bad things will happen to them because they did bad things to us, etc...is only wishful thinking and does make us feel good to think of it. So we indulge and feel better for a while.
But ultimately we all know that we don't know.
Cat, you said we can pretty much predict how plan B will effect WS. I agree in some cases like in this one where the H is sick with diabetes, has financial issues and is with OW much younger....but if none of the above come into play then plan B might very well be just what it is...a way for the BS to get over the WS(and is worth a million just for that) and a way for the WS to get the BS out of his/her life for good and move on with OP.
If there is no evident reason or aggravation for the WS during plan B to go back to BS, most likely WS will stay with OP till OP ends it and then move into yet another person and so on.
They have no reason to go back to marriage.
Maybe I am not understanding correctly and my words above are due to misinterpretation. But FOG basically means that WS is in romantic love with OP. This feeling is very powerful and till OP plays along (and lots of them will especially the ones that are not educated and have a lot of admiration for WS or simply like their income...) the WS will not end the A that easily.
Please understand that I am talking about people in plan B here where the WS has moved out and is either living with OP or alone but seeing OP regularly. I am not talking about the people on Plan A or the one who exposed the WS who is still living with them They have a lot more hope.
But plan B, really, according to the Harleys, gives little hope to the BS but the possibility to move on. Harley himself maintains that once WS moves out they rarely move back. His words not mine.

Yes, this is what my H told me too when I uncovered his A and told him I knew who OW was. There is a very high chance that what they will do what they say and not move back with us. Once out it is hard to re-start and my H is very proud and knows that to R the M will take lots of effort. Plus he is very good looking and has OW after him all the time. Unfortunately there is always a shank that is willing to put up with them and they will put up with her for the thrill of sex.
I know reality is harsh, but if we keep telling ourselves little fairy tales we will be very disappointed!
blessing

atena, not to belabor this, but have you read any of the 'success' threads? MB works so often because it is based on psychology. Affairs thrive on secrecy; they run off of chemicals in the brain from the excitement. If you take the secretness away, if you add in family members that now look at you with disgust - if you follow the method of exposure - affairs often don't look as great.

Exposure brings in many other aspects, like an angry OMW, money issues, legal issues, that bring REALITY into an affair which, after all, is just a fantasy. Once that fantasy bubble bursts, the two people have to really look at each other and see if there really is a reason to be together.

And sometimes, exposure is enough to create a break between the lovers. Once that happens, once the crack is withdrawn from the addict, the fog CAN break up, and allow the WS to see what was really going on.

Of course it's not a magic pill. There are plenty of divorces talked about here. But MB provides a much better statistical chance at recovering marriages than NOT using it.

I'm wondering what point you are trying to make, actually. You come here and tell other posters who are trying to fix their marriage...what? To give up and divorce? Because life sucks?

I understand it may not be working out for you, but I'm curious why you're going to someone else's thread and telling them to ignore MB because it's all pointless.

This is my sad expectation, too. I certainly believe the A will end (and relatively soon too, unless I miss my guess). But WW is also attractive, determined and incredibly determined. She will likely just move on to the next sucker OM, as it now is apparent this is her typical behavior.

I am already working on putting her out of my life. I haven't yet started a thread on the D/D forum, but when the required six month waiting period is over, I anticipate moving there...

Dear Cat,
I do not think you read my post correctly. I am actually prizing plan B and I am doing plan B.
What I am tired of hearing it all the assumptions we are making that WS will eventually end the A and R the M. Those are merely assumptions,
I think we should stick with the true purpose of plan B which is for the WS to get a life and move on. NOt a D, a life. If M recovers, fine, then the BS is in R with the WS and there is not longer a plan B. But as long as we are in the surviving an A forum and on top of that on plan B, then we must know what plan B is really about. Feeding illusions does not help. I am sure you do not want to give false hope. Of course we all hope for R.
I know MB works and I will read from the R forum which I have to admit I have not tackled at all.
blessing

Yes Fred, I think we are both stuck with very good looking but serial-cheater spouses. My H cheating flared and florished when we moved to Europe. We are ultimately better off without them. I just don't get how my H can fall for a neightbor woman who has not appeal but large breasts. He has stooped so low. He could have picked better.
His problem is that he has a very low self esteem but he is also very determined to be happy and to buy back all the years he says he spend dedicating it to us with no hapiness for him.
blessing