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Also, Scot...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop looking at her FB page (or anything else about her). As tempting as it is, it is not helpful for you. It just keeps you all in turmoil, with a lot of gagging and anger in there too.

I know this from experience, so PLEASE stop this. I cannot tell you how much better you will feel when you stop. Your mind willo free up of so much baggage.




Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Also, Scot...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop looking at her FB page (or anything else about her). As tempting as it is, it is not helpful for you. It just keeps you all in turmoil, with a lot of gagging and anger in there too.

I know this from experience, so PLEASE stop this. I cannot tell you how much better you will feel when you stop. Your mind willo free up of so much baggage.

please listen to MarriedForever. I too know from experience and this will drain your $LB and make you anger and could cause you to love bust when you don't mean to. It can cause for a lot to go on inside of you and you are doing so well. Please keep up the awesome job you are doing, you should be very proud of yourself.


Truth can stand on it's own two feet....A lie needs support....FRM
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ITA. Recovery is going great for my FWH and me...until I slide and look at all the phone records, notes, emails, etc. that I have from his A. Next thing you know, "LBs, anyone?"



D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by princessmeggy
You do realize that when you go into Plan B, it will mean NO contact at all (including peeking at HER/ITS FaceBook page? Plan B is about removing yourself from the DRAMA. You don't need it and it will be refreshing to not have to deal with his OR her stuff.

... took the words rightouttamymouf stickout

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Originally Posted by StrongerThanB4
Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Also, Scot...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop looking at her FB page (or anything else about her). As tempting as it is, it is not helpful for you. It just keeps you all in turmoil, with a lot of gagging and anger in there too.

I know this from experience, so PLEASE stop this. I cannot tell you how much better you will feel when you stop. Your mind willo free up of so much baggage.

please listen to MarriedForever. I too know from experience and this will drain your $LB and make you anger and could cause you to love bust when you don't mean to. It can cause for a lot to go on inside of you and you are doing so well. Please keep up the awesome job you are doing, you should be very proud of yourself.
Add me to the list of "me toos!" Fortunately, I got my hand slapped (virtually, that is) early on -- so I went and blocked WW's FB from mine, and shut down any and all "spyware" I had in place.

Now is the time for me to focus on me! That's a large part of Plan B. Yesterday and today I'm defrosting a freezer. I'm eating foods my WW didn't favor (made myself a very tasty pasta-and-gravy dinner last night). I went out with neighbors, attended a Christmas party, did some Christmas shopping, ran in a couple of 10Ks, and you know what? I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

Try it, you might like it. smile


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Quote
He started having a nightmare and I laid my hand on his back and he calmed down. As soon as I took it away he started making muffled screaming noises so I just kept my hand there until 5 minutes later when he woke up and made an annoyed noise.

FYI - no one posting to you on your thread hates your WH.
I don't think anyone has made that point yet.
We hate his adultery, not him.

If it ever comes to pass that you enter an actual recovery, we will be as helpful to H as we are to you, if he'll allow it and post on MB.



So, even though we say uncomplimentary things about WH (as is) we would not be urging you to follow MB plans if we did not think there is a good guy buried under all that adultery chemistry and fog babble.

Also, we will help you in Plan B. A new set of rules for you and an emotional minefield.

((( hugs )))

You are very brave.


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Thanx. I don't think that anyone on here hates my WH I understand that what we all hate on here in A's. I am a person who sees the good in many sitchs and people and believe it or not, I believe she may have some good in her somewhere. I used to hope that that good part would overrule her at some point and give up this madness but I now know there isn't enough of it in there.

I do know that Plan B means not looking at anything so I have actually deleted all of the saved things that I had on her. I am just a person who tends to remember what I read rather easily and I actually haven't been back to her FB account since Friday when I sent the messages. I am done with exposure, I just really wanted to tell her family so I could KNOW that I did everything that I could. I am not giving her any more of my time in my thoughts.

I have been doing things for myself. I need to figure out more things that I enjoy to do but I am figuring it out.

I am going to keep it up as best as I can. I am a little worried about Friday and if he won't leave. The only place that he has to go is her house so we will see if he is willing to go.

When he talked to me at first about his leaving he said that when he left he wanted to make sure it was for good because he doesn't want to go in and out.

We have witnessed 3 other marriages in our family (my SIL, Sister and my parents) break up in the past 4 years. My SIL is still with the man she had an affair with(all be it not happy) and my Mom is still with the man she left my dad for. That has been a major part of our lives and I think that is probably why I am acting the way that I have been because I saw what happens when you act with you taker instead.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Pepperband
FYI - no one posting to you on your thread hates your WH.
I don't think anyone has made that point yet.
We hate his adultery, not him.

If it ever comes to pass that you enter an actual recovery, we will be as helpful to H as we are to you, if he'll allow it and post on MB.



So, even though we say uncomplimentary things about WH (as is) we would not be urging you to follow MB plans if we did not think there is a good guy buried under all that adultery chemistry and fog babble.

Also, we will help you in Plan B. A new set of rules for you and an emotional minefield.

Glad you said that pep I was thinking the same

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Maybe this giving side is something the rest of you have seen, but I sure haven't.

AJ gave almost nothing during his A, and when he did it was usually buying something for the kids that they wouldn't normally have gotten, kinda like Disneyland Dad only on a very, very low scale. wink

It might just be me, but I haven't really seen a personal investment like that, normally. Money, yes, maybe a little time to go do something, but meeting some actual emotional needs through caring deeds? Wow. You're all probably right though, about the combo guilt and wanting to get back to the status quo, aka Cake.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Well, you guys have given me lots to think about in that way.

One thing that kinda PO'd me was that I noticed that the boxer shorts that he wore to OW house on Saturday night were actually the silk ones bought for ME, that he would wear, as my Xmas present last year. I took them and hid them but I dunno if that follows under Plan A. I wil check when I get home form the Xmas concert my kids are having tonight.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Scotland
Well, you guys have given me lots to think about in that way.

One thing that kinda PO'd me was that I noticed that the boxer shorts that he wore to OW house on Saturday night were actually the silk ones bought for ME, that he would wear, as my Xmas present last year. I took them and hid them but I dunno if that follows under Plan A. I wil check when I get home form the Xmas concert my kids are having tonight.

Lose the shorts in the trash.

Without comment.

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Or if you have a fireplace... whistle


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Burn them.

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Or...

start wearing the boxers yourself to reclaim them!

I did lots of stuff like that in A.







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As a female I have to ask, what is it like wearing boxers? I've never done so.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Have you got a dog? You could clean up after the dog with them...

Maybe put the shorts in a baggy and staple them to his pillow or put them in his lunch or briefcase...

AFTER cleaning up after the dog with them, of course.

MrRollieEyes

Did I say that?

Mark

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2 days after D-day I was catching up on the washing when I noticed a particular pair of Flicks underwear in the dirty pile. I wont describe them but they are definatly ones you wear to 'look good'.

I cut a hole in the pouch thing in the front with scissors, washed and dried them and put them in his drawer, folded so the hole didnt show. He took them with him on one of his clothes collecting visits laugh


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
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I worked with a really great teacher who was a mentor to me in many ways. She gave me some advice that might fit here. She told me that she never made a big deal about "inappropriate" clothing that her DD had purchased. She would say something once, and then she gave me this piece of advice: "I made sure the item got ruined in the laundry. Of course, I always made sure that one of DH's or DS's or mine got ruined also..."

Although my DD was younger at that time, I took her advice to heart. It worked. laugh


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Well, I definitely will accidentally lose them or something. I was just so angry that THOSE would be the ones he would wear for that the day he did all of those things around the house. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Top it all off, the kids had their Christmas concert tonight and he was a NO SHOW. He plays in a pool league and I guess he mut have thought that was more important tonight. Well, I am not going to say anything when he gets home. DS 6 was a little upset cuz Daddy never misses anything and I just responded with "Mommy will always be here." It breaks my heart.

I am almost done reading HNHN and it is really worth the read. I had read SAA twice first because I wanted to make sure I knew what to do before "B"-Day (that's what I am calling the day I am going to Plan B). I am glad I am reading HNHN too.

Well, a few more days and I will change my life for the better. It is going to be hard and I will be leaning on people really hard. Hopefully, he will abide by my wishes.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Wearing the boxers would be like wearing big jammies and getting your own essence into them...yk?

I recommend getting a copy of Lovebusters too.

I have all three books near my bed with dog ears on my favorite pages to refer to when I am a bit 'weak' and fearful of B. They really calm me down AND keep me focused on why I am doing it.

I also cut and paste and print thread replies that resonate with me and make me feel strong to read (usually in the middle of the night when the anxiety strikes).

So....beware posters YOUR reply may be printed near my bedside at this moment!







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