Dude you are hilarious!!!

Hang in there Traci! Plan B 'til the cows come home!

I really hate this. Dude, I really hope you were joking too! My friends here at the hospital think he is just being a d--k and the reason he is doing this is because of the holidays. I just wish he would leave me alone.

Traci,

The holiday theory is probably true that is why you need to stay the course and let him see what he is missing from his decisions. It's not your fault he is where he is. Just stay dark.

I am sorry about your pups. People who are not dog or pet people rarely undestand how losing a pet is like losing a good friend or family member.

Be kind to yourself. Whenever I think "things can not get worse," I think back, and I know "yeah.- they can be worse." Nuf said.

It feels like you are a blow up punching clown with the squeeky nose and sand in the butt. Everthing is bop,squeek (you come back up) and BOP squeek (you come back up)

I find that in instances like you are going through, it almost pays to see youself in the 3rd person. Understand that you are very vunrable>sp? and you need a to take it easy on yourself. How about a treat?

also, when you are at this stage, perspective gets all askew. Small things loom large, and if you get to the point of freak out- take a breather and say "is this really the issue, or is it my projection?"

I find out when I am tired, beat up or sick I get really wound up lately.

Traci,
Have you considered a intermediary while your in Plan B. If WH contacting you upsets you and ruins your day, you may be better off getting a intermediary to intercept the communication. There use to be a thread on intermediary training by Mel but I don't know if it was lost in the crash. I'll have to search.

Gg

I am suppose to be getting a divorce according to my WH but he has done nothing towards that end. Yesterday was the first time I had heard from him in over 5 weeks. I have not answered any of his texts. He is only suppose to email me and that is suppose to be about the divorce only. I know that things could be worse. I think the reason I am reacting to todays text is because I am still upset about Baby's death yesterday. I just don't understand why he is starting up again after over 5 weeks of nothing. I really don't want this divorce but it is easier to give him what he wants and to protect myself at the same time. I have heard nothing about the divorce even if I do I am not going to refinance the house. I am not going to make it easy for him. If he wants out he is going to have to make it easy for me. He can find out about gettng off of the house loan and he has to guarantee that my interest rate will not go up and my payments will notgo up. I am so tired of everything right now. It is just easier to ignore him. What can he do to me? Screw around on me-done that. Leave me-done that. Divorce me-trying to do that or so he says. Anything else he needs a lawyer and he can't afford that.

After writing here over an hour and a half ago and writng an email to a friend, I started going off about WH to said friend and then my mother called to see how I was doing. She was worried about me from earlier and I just went off about WH again. I was saying things I have never said before and words that have never came out of my mouth before. I was PISSED! I was so mad I couldn't believe it. My mother just listened to me rant and rave about WH. She was laughing her butt off. I told her he was an idiot and that it would just feel good to be sitting on his chest with my hands around his throat choking him and banging his head into the ground to knock some sense into him. I also said that his diabetes will get out of control and that his you know what(not the words I said) would not work. I also I don't care what anybody says or thinks, but I still want him back even though I am mad at the moment. My mother said she wasn't worried about me right now because if I am mad then at least I am not depressed. I said I cannot see how he thinks I can refinance the house with me attached to all these vehicles. I said he is not thinking and she said that was his problem, he was thinking with the wrong h--d. I am still mad.

Traci, you still need an intermediary. Why would you want to deal with this? It upsets you and it is not worth your energy. He is all over the place. He is in a mess really. Diabetic, probably close to impotence due to the illness, no money, OW much younger and eager for both sex and $, angry, confused...He is about ready to explode. He is drawning and he is dragging you down with him.
Have an intermediary answer all his email. Write him a plan B letter if you have not done so yet and indicate the email of an intermediary he can work with.
Continue not answering anything till you get the intermediary. He is like a child having a number of fits a day to get your attention. IMO something is stirring inside of him....it is key for you now to keep totally dark!
Yes, they only think with the wrong head, that is also what my mom told me yesterday on the phone. I was so mad and started venting with her about H and how stupid he is to do what he is doing...but he is doing it. That is the point. That is what they want now, but they are certainly not using their brains.
Lets see how this turns out.
Blessings

After being so mad last night I feel great this morning. I guess I needed to get mad. I actually feel great and I am very happy right now. Being off of the lexapro has really helped. I don't feel numb anymore nor do I feel like I am in a fog. I can actually feel now and I can get angry. Because of everything that I now have a clear plan of action. I will continue to ignore all his texts and will only answer his emails about the divorce only. If he wants off of the house loan he will have to figure that out himself and I don't want to have to pay anymore than I do now a month and I am not going to add any more years to the loan either. If he wants to be stupid, so be it. The house is worth less than I owe on it so unless he wants to pay the difference, the closing costs and the realtor costs which will probably be $25000 total he can go for it and we all know that he doesn't have that kind of money. If he did he wouldn't be harassing me about it. I am not going to worry about anything and I am just going to enjoy my daughters and my family for Christmas. WH can just kiss my butt.

Traci, atta girl! Yes, that is the right attitude in my opinion.
Tell me if this is normal: in plan B now for 3 months. I exposed to the world. H never contacted me not even thru the intermediary. He acts as if I never existed.
Also, he is barely in touch with our son by email.
Son is coming for xmas and is spending it with me. H has not contacted son re: xmas plans.
H spends all his free time with OW. We work together and now literally all the people at work know. He smiles and is the usual people pleaser as if there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. Of course he does not know the level of detail people at work know. They know everything. He might be thinking they only know we are separated...but no they kknow he has OW and that OW was around when we were still together...they know. But of course no co-worker is going to confront him with it...
Is it normal for the WS to have absolutely no urge to contact BS even to just insult her? How can he not care to this extent!
Am I that un-worthed?
blessings

My WH wanted to be friends and I didn't. My counselor said that was to leave the door open for them to come back whether they realized it or not. My WH knows that I am a lot better woman than that piece of trash he is with and he is doing everything he can so to rationalize what he is doing. I know and you know that we are worth so much more and no matter what we have done in the past we did not deserve what has happened to us and no one does. Our WS know that they can not insult us becasue they have already insulted us in the worse way they can. I think the reason my WH has not contacted me until recently is becasue he wants me to make the first move and I refuse to. I think your WH and mine do care about us but to do anything about it is to admit they were wrong and they cannot do that. Be strong Atena, I am finally learning to do that and it feels great. In the end no matter the outcome we will win.

Awesome yes and..


She sounds like a wise woman


I also agree that you NEED an intermediary. Let a lawyer deal with the financial part concerning your interest rate and find someone to be your go-between with communication of any sort.

Let him get his DS needs from someone else.

thank you Traci. Yes, you are right they have already insulted us and know what they are doing. My H knows better and if he insulted me or contacted me just for that he knows it will go straight to our son.
Plus, he is not the type who likes to argue or start anything. He hates confrontation and this NC and plan B situation for him is pure heaven. A dream come true. He is not asked to do anything by me, nor does he have to take care of our appartment since he thinks I live in it (i do not, but I want him out of there). He pays his part of the mortgage and the bills and has plenty of money for himself.
He needs nothing, really. He believes our son is mature enough to take care of himself at college and his parents are taking care of his tuition. He has not debts except the house loan. He is in great shape and good looking and healthy at 50. He has OW 15 years younger.
Why would he look for me?
Maybe plan B is too easy on him? Any suggestions?
blessings

Traci, so sorry to hear about your dog. I agree--the dog is like a member of the family and Baby's death must hurt you all. I hope she had a great life with you and DDs.
Forget about the worthless WH for right now. I'm sure he feels terribly inferior to you, but he's got his young piece right now, so he doesn't care if it stinks like the trash it is.
Continue to live your life.

I loved this.
Boy, I really do not know what she finds in your H! She is so young and he is so messed up! Soon if not already, he must be having impotence problems.
Tracy, he will not leave her, but she might leave him soon, I am pretty sure of that. No $ and no sex and years of difference between them.
Then he will be looking for you....
Mine has OW with 2 very challenging kids. If her kids are imposed on him he might leave her...but she will never leave him. My H has a good job and he is good looking and intellingent. She has definately stepped up 1000 times by seeing him.
blessings

I think that eventually my WH will see things as they truely are but by then it will be too late. My WH knew he had a good thing with me for over 21yrs. I am smart and hard working with a great personality and a great sense of humor. I am also very pretty and loving. I don't even require very much of anything. If there is something I want I will eventually work towards getting it even if it takes years. I am actually very low maintenance with him being high maintenance so it balanced out okay. My WH is also very hard working and smart(except right now) with a wicked sense of humor and good looking. The only thing is he never went to college even with my encouragement. He actually worked his way up in management and got several certifications in his field plus he was a genius on the computer. It is funny, the OW just got her GED last year and isn't going anywhere. I am not knocking her for getting a GED but she isn't even trying to improve herself. She thought she was getting a man with money and it was me who was making all the money. Now my WH makes half of what he use to make because he lost his job because of her. She thinks that since he is going into business with his friends in pwst control he will be making lots of money but he won't because his friends were only certified in lawns and my H is certified in all three areas of pest control and it will take years to make what he was making before he lost his job. He still won't be able to afford what he had before because I am the one who paid for the house and the vehicles and his allowance.
Spent the afternoon with my oldest daughter since it was her 22nd birthday. She hates her dad not only because of what he did to me and our family but becasue he moved in with the OW. When I told her that he wanted to know if I had done anything to get him off of the mortgage she said there was no way he could come off of it because of all the vehicles. She is way smarter than her dad. Had a great afternoon with her. Will spend tomorrow with both of my girls. They are my support.
Atena, I know you said that the OW has stepped up with your husband, the OW in my casehas a perfectly good and loving husband who has gone to college and works for a major power company here in Florida and makes a lot more money than my H. The OWH family has money and my H's family doesn't so I would say she has definitely down graded. I am not saying my H is a loser but he is old enough to be her father with health problems and has no money. Heck, I have a thoracic surgeon who is 16-18 yrs older than me who has MONEY and wants me to be his girlfriend. I am not interested because he is too old for me and I am about to be 45 in less than 3 months and I don't want to be with someone that much older than me who will have health problems long before I do.

Good luck, Atena

Hang in there

Hand in there Traci..Don't let this take you down..DUDE

I know that this is cliche but "I am woman, hear me roar!" I actually feel better than I have in months. I am happy. I feel great especially since I know what I am going to do and not do. MY WH can BITE ME! Like I said before, I am the winner no matter what the outcome and he can be a winner too but only in one way.

MY WH can BITE ME!

I want to make a plaque and sell it. Hmmm...first dibs! (I'll cut you in on the profits, Traci!)