My husband and I have been together for 13 years and have been married for 7. We have an 18-month-old son and have recently been trying to have another child. Unfortunately, in the last 5 months, our attempts have led to two miscarriages. I had my second D&C (procedure to get the baby out) two days ago and yesterday, only one day later, I stumbled into my husband's yahoo email (he forgot to sign out) and discovered that for the last four months, he's been having an email love affair with an ex-girlfriend who lives in another country (his very first girlfriend from 15 years ago). I guess the girl got a hold of him through friendster, and she started emailing him. At first, their conversations were about why and how their relationship ended (they never had closure), then what began as an innocent "hi, hello" led to a secret online love affair ("i miss u, i can't wait to talk to you, i love you, i dream about u, i can't wait to see and touch your face, etc., etc.) Oh my, I felt like I was sinking into a big, black hole as I read their emails. I showed my husband the emails and he said, it was a mistake, he was sorry, etc., etc. What gets me is, during our first year of dating, I found out that he had cheated on me in a manner similar to this. There was nothing physical that went on (the girl was in another country at the time also, but she was an old childhood friend). I found letters between him and her that indicated their love and affection and wishes to be physical with each other. Then 6 years ago, a couple of months after my father passed away, my husband (I'll call him AB) and I had an argument and he decided to spite me by going out to a club two nights in a row with some of our friends and dancing with a girl who had already expressed interest in him. Again, nothing happened, because my friends were there, witnessed everything, and even saw him home.
I know that nothing physical happened in any of these cases, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. And to hurt me like this 3 times makes me really question if I ever truly was the one for him. And after everything we've been through, the loss of two babies within 5 months, and to find out about the second affair a day after my last miscarriage is eating at me.
How do I deal with this? Where do I go from here? I have considered divorce, but when I think about our son, how much I love AB still, and how much he loves me, I don't think divorce is the best option, or am I just fooling myself? He has been good to me all these years, as I have been to him. Our sex life has not been lacking, and I certainly have been a caring and loving wife, and he has said so also. He is a great father and lover, but obviously he has deep-seated issues that needs to be resolved. I keep asking him if he has doubts about whether or not I am the one for him, because I can't think of any other explanation for his behavior, but he says no and when I stop to consider everything we've been through, and all the ways he has expressed his love to me, I am not inclined to believe otherwise. He says he is willing to go through counseling to resolve his issues, then after that, we can go to counseling together. I think it will help, but I am so hurt I don't know if I will ever recover from this emotional pain. I am afraid I will resent him forever, and that eventually, is what will end our marriage.
