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When you see him pull in w/ the boys, you can go to the porch to unlock it for the boys. If WH starts to follow them, you can tell your boys to say goodbye to their daddy, and then hold the door open for them. Quickly closing it after them.

Stand to the side so he can't see you...or see you well. Don't look at him.


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Maybe a friend or family member could be there for the drop-off. Or even hire a sitter.

Finding a way to be gone for drop-offs that you suspect are likely to become sticky is one of the most effective ways of short-circuiting all those scrambled little alien ideas without any Lovebusters.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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That's an even better idea, Neak.

Scotland,

W/ regards to WH not using IM, you could set up a new e-mail account maybe use part of your name or the boy's names in it, and give it to WH to use, and then give it and the password to IM, that way they can screen his e-mails for you and he doesn't have to know they are.

You could tell IM to send him an e-mail saying that you have closed your old account and have opened a new one.

WH may figure out what you are doing, but it's worth a shot.


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I dunno. If he doesn't know the IMs are reading the emails, he think Scotland has caved. I have a fundamental dislike of somebody thinking they've got the better of me when I know they have not! Personally, I would have to have him use the IMs and not try to bypass my Plan B terms, in order for it to be acceptable to me. But it's possible I could just be acting unreasonably stubborn, too. Certainly my husband, The Clam, often thinks I am! rotflmao

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Well, I may be a little stubborn too because I think that he would think I am caving if I chose that option. I know I have caved in many aspects of our relationship since the kids were born. I think that is part of what he fell out of love with me (dunno what need that meets hahahaha). I used to be one of those teenagers who walked around saying "Yea I am a B and I don't care who knows it." Then I had kids and became a MOMMY.

Not that Mommy's can't be B's but I had to be soft and I knew that. I also know that I like to make people laugh by poking fun and teasing people. I only do it to people I like (tend to ignore people I don't like hehehehe). I used to do it to WH all of the time but we really stopped going out together. I wasn't going to put him down in front of our children. They might not have known I was joking. I know that OW does the same kind of joking with him. WH used to tell me about it. When I told him that I couldn't do that to him anymore he said "yea it hurts when it comes from someone you are supposed to love."

DS9 talked to WH tonight and WH said he would see him on Saturday. Maybe he finally got this Plan B thing. Now I have to use the exchanging of the kids thing on Saturday instead.

I am still bracing in case he comes tomorrow.

DS6 is now REFUSING to talk to WH on the phone. He said, "I am not talking to Daddy because I am mad at him for leaving us." I dunno what to do about that one. I am not going to MAKE him talk to him. I just hope he will actually go with him on Saturday.

Last edited by Scotland; 12/24/09 10:27 PM.

BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALLLLLLLLLLL.

Well, this morning went off without a hitch. WH didn't come to the house and knock on the door. DS9 talked to him this morning and WH said he would be here at 2 to pick them up. IM message obviously did the trick. I guess he even tried to call IM but they had already left. A step in the positive direction for sure. Hopefully he won't try to come in today though. This is the first time he will be seeing the kids since he left last week.
DS6 still refuses to talk to WH on the phone but he has said that he will go with him today. That's good cuz I don't know what I would do if he didn't want to.

There is a funny/sad part of this story though. DS9 was talking to Wh and he looked at me and said "Mommy, Daddy wants to know if we can give him some groceries because he doesn't have very many." I just looked at DS9 and said "Just talk to Daddy." He told WH what I said. No other response. Then when they got off of the phone DS9 said that WH asks him to do him favours. I told him that wasn't right and what kind of favours? He said he couldn't remember. Gotta make sure I watch that.

As far as the food goes, I say "NOPE". I mean what does he think this is the food bank? It is money from both of us, but I am the one who got it from the store. He is a big person and he is the one with a car, he can go himself. I know that the stores are closed today but they weren't yesterday and they will reopen tomorrow.

I almost entertained the thought of sending food for the kids to make sure they would be fed but NOPE. He lost that right when he left me. I was always the one to make sure when we went anywhere that I had juice boxes and snacks for the kids, now he can do that when they are with him. If we went the D way, I sure as h3ll wouldn't be doing it for him then. 711 is always open and thee are always Chinese restaurants. He could bring them home early and I would feed them dinner.

Anyways, MERRY CHRISTMAS.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Good for you!

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hurray Ya done good. The boys won't starve, even if he hasn't fed them by the time he brings them back at 9.

:MerryChristmas:


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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I know they won't and even funnier is that WH will definitely hear about it hehehehehe. DS6 goes CRAZY when he is hungry hahahaha.

I am playing Super Mario for Wii. I forgot how much fun this game was hahahahaha. It's like being a kid all over again laugh

Loving this moment right now. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Well, I got through it. Lots of tears after the door closed. Now I see why NC with WH. I just saw a shadow and heard his voice and I started just crying. I was whispering "I love you." to him. He couldn't hear me but I needed to say it. I know that is sappy but it was a long time that I said it and I will always mean it no matter what. There will always be a part of me that loves him whichever way this turns out.

Now what to do? It is Christmas and everyone else is busy. Dishes are done, laundry is getting done. I think I will read a book, and maybe take a nap.

I have to try not to think about the fact that WH is taking them to OW house right now. I think he may have wanted them to sleep over cuz he told DS6 that he could bring his "Baby"(a pillow) and "Winnie"(his Cabbage patch kid). DS6 said no he wanted to bring his DS. Well, at least I know they will be coming home because DS6 would NEVER sleep without those two things.

One more hurdle was crossed today and like I said it was easier than I was expecting. WH will have them again tomorrow and again Sunday. I am glad for the kids that they got to see WH.

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Scotland
I read your post and felt a pang go through my heart for your situation. What you describe is the part of the collateral damage I have grown to hate about the impacts of infidelity. There is significant emotional turmoil and pain that goes on for years because of the selfish actions of someone you pledged to love forever.

Events like Christmas are especially difficult because it highlights the expectation of celebrations involving the intact "happy" family. I am really beginning to wonder how many of those still exist anymore.

It is at times like this when I find the comfort of prayer and listening to hymns a great comfort. One of the things that the separation with my wife caused me to do was explore the spiritual aspect of my life, and that has been a great comfort for me. I will say a prayer for you Scotland, and bless you for continuing to seek the best for your young family.

Blessings
BCBoy

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Christmas day is drawing to a close here. I wish you a peaceful rest of the day.

hugs

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Thank you. It is 730pm and the children have been dropped off without incident. WH didn't even try to come in and when I opened the door I stood behind it so he wouldn't see me. They met OW and that I knew was going to upset me. I always knew they would meet her but the first day had to be Christmas? That is a day for families and now mine got torn apart and OW had them for Christmas evening. I know this is Plan B. Time for ME and all of that but it was a rough day. Well, the day will be over soon enough and I will wake up tomorrow and DO IT AGAIN. AHHHHHHHH. I am sure the more I do it the easier it will be but I hate thinking about it like that. What I want to do is feel the feelings and EVENTUALLY move on from them.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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hug
I can't even imagine my kids having met OW.
Your WH will regret that some day, exposing his baby boys to that piece of crap.
hug

So ..... what's on for tomorrow, boxing day specials anyone ????


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D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted by Scotland
They met OW and that I knew was going to upset me. I always knew they would meet her but the first day had to be Christmas? That is a day for families and now mine got torn apart and OW had them for Christmas evening. I know this is Plan B.

Scotland, I would put a stop to that REAL QUICK. Your kids should not be dragged into his sleazy affair unless it is with a court order and a sheriff with a BIG GUN. That is outrageous that he would do this to his own kids. Most waywards will try to quickly introduce the kids in an effort to normalize their filthy affair and give it a false air of respectibility. I would let him know that his visitation will be ENDED REAL QUICK unless he keeps these kids away from his filthy adultery partner. [have your IM's tell him this] As long as you have custody of the kids, you can set the parameters of what they are exposed to until he gets a court order saying otherwise.

Additionally, I would set the kids down and make sure they understand that their dad has done a terrible, despicable thing by having an affair and introducing them to the enemy of their family.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Well, the kids have to go to MIL house for Christmas stuff. I was thinking about picking up an extra shift at work to watch all of the CRAZY shoppers.

I was in a sad place while the kids were gone. I started thinking about some stuff(that tends to happen when I am alone). I was thinking about if WH and OW would last. I mean it IS possible but highly unlikely. OW has never dated anyone longer than 2 years(she is PROUD of that BTW). WH WAS a good guy but to have an A you have to go away from being a good guy and change into someone else. WH took 16 years before he started lying to me and he started to lie to OW from the beginning.

Okay I know they CAN stay together and be happy but I was trying to make myself feel better and it worked. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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While I agree with you Mel 150%, I don't know if that can be done here.


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Originally Posted by Vittoria
While I agree with you Mel 150%, I don't know if that can be done here.

Why not?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Well ML I would love to try to stop them from seeing her but I don't think that is really possible right now. WH lives with OW and he has nowhere else to take them. I either let him come in here or go to her house.

I don't actually have custody yet. I am writing up a custody agreement and I have to get to IM and get WH to sign it. I don't think that I can legally keep them away from her anyways. I have told the kids that what Daddy is doing is VERY wrong and that OW is the reason he left. I made sure I reminded them before they left that they DO NOT have to edit anything they say to OW or WH.

This is all that I CAN do. I know WH didn't want to introduce them just yet. He would actually probably say that I forced him (blah blah blah) in to it since I wouldn't let him visit with them here. He hadn't introduce them and they had started an EA more than 2 years ago and I believe a PA for at least 1 year.

We shall see what happens.

Last edited by Scotland; 12/25/09 08:15 PM.

BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Our court system, from what I've heard from others in adulterous situations, treats both parties of separation/divorce the same, regardless of one person having an A.

Like I said, I don't know, I was never in this position.
It is for sure worth looking into with a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure it was suggested somewhere in this thread, it might actually have been you that posted that.

You guys have no fault and fault states, which is great.
In a no fault state, can that stipulation be made in a separation agreement??




M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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