Yeah! Hire a PI! Isn't it worth $300 to save your marriage? Or at least your savings account that he stole from you?

Yeah, it's worth it! Would you suggest a PI here on the west coast or one in the MidWest?

I only have a few days before I have to sign the divorce agreement, I'm hoping that is enough time to expose it.

He really wants the divorce to be as fast as possible. It just blows my mind because only a few months ago before he went to the MidWest and never returned, he professed his undying love for me.

You don't have to agree to the divorce.

I would visit a lawyer though to get your money back.

You do not have to sign any divorce agreement. You get yourself a lawyer and set him on your WH to get the savings money back and to stall the divorce.

I tried that. I live in Cali, it's a "no fault" state. I thought I could petition the court to have him pay my attorney fees since he took all the money. I have a good friend who works at the courthouse and she referred me to the best attorney in our county. He told me that the court rarely awards that, and that even if they did no attorney would accept it without a retainer. My husband's attorney is "green" only two years out of law school and her retainer is $4000.

I also found out that he does still have his facebook account, he just blocked me and made himself invisible. I went onto my notifications today and he had the nerve to use one of the pictures I had as his profile pic. I asked him about it and he said he had cancelled the account, but had gone on it for a few minutes last night to see if it still worked. EXCEPT, my facebook account had said he downloaded the pic this morning. He first played dumb and then admitted it, but told me he had forgotten. UGH! Lies, lies, and more stupid lies.

Also, I think his lawyer suggested the mediation we went to, I think she's aware of how illegal the hiding of money is. He gave me everything (probably so he has less to move to the Midwest). He's paying off all the remaining bills except my student loans. He's paying off my car and signing it over to me. He's paying all the bills for a year plus giving me alimony. We are selling the house and I get half the profit. I think he figures he can suffer for a year and then go be with the OW.

Now he's telling everyone that we are getting divorced because I have been cheating on HIM?

While in Iraq he accidently sent me an email in which he was talking about how he wanted to have sex with a woman he worked with and how I was little or no effort on his part. When I became upset, he became angry and said I needed counseling for being upset about that.

After lots of mean emails, I decided to exit the situation and I took my son and his friend to the pizza place. They played in the arcade and I ran into some family friends; our families spend every holiday together. One was married and going through something very similar as I and the other was his wife's brother who was going through a break up with his girlfriend.

We all decided to hang out together. I felt safe because they were like family. We went and played pool and then went to the casino to dance. I danced with them both and they both danced with other women, but at the end of the night I could tell the married one was going to hit on me; which was weird because my husband had always said he liked me, but I thought it ridiculous. And yep, he did hit on me, but i told him that although I was angry with my husband, I could never do that.

I avoided him since. He texted me while my husband was at the wedding saying that he and his wife broke up and that he wanted to see me. I said no. It was about four days later and after my husband didn't come home and told me he wanted a divorce, that I texted him telling him how devastating it is, and urged him to keep trying. I had bought the book, "The Love Dare" to attempt to save my marriage and dropped it on his mom's porch for him to pick up.

I'd periodically text to see how it was going, and it was going well mostly, but his wife was kind of off and on. She leave and then come back. Every time she left, he'd text and ask me to meet. I always said no, even after I got my divorce papers and he told me they were really over over. Well he told his wife that we had gone dancing, so I told my husband. But apparently someone? told my husband we really had done something which isn't true. So, now he's telling everyone that is the reason for the divorce, even though he filed before i had told him.

I just called his parents to let them know that what he was saying is absolutely not true. They said that they knew for sure that I had never done that and that they knew that he had been "shacking up" with someone in his hometown since he had returned from Iraq and also that he had been cheating on me our whole marriage, more than just the one time I knew about.

I wonder if he is trying to justify his behavoir and making an easy entrance for the OW to come out into the open?

Also, he asked to use my wireless internet card; he is paying the bill. I know he's using it to Facebook the OW, should I shut it off? He is here on the west coast and she is in the midwest.

Any advice helpful..

Should I shut the wireless internet card off or not? He's got Skype, so I can only imagine what they are doing on there...

Just so everyone knows, I have never cheated on my current husband or my former husband, nor any boyfriend in my whole life.

Texting my friend may be considered emootional cheating, and I do feel guilty for it. But it makes it harder to feel guilty when my husband has been cheating our entire marriage and said he never loved me, not ever. It hurts.

I'm really just not sure what to do about the wireless card. Let them talk? Turn it off?

I don't have physical proof he cheated, but I know he did. I have told as many family and riends as I know the truth, at least about my side. All that know me are supportive. Do I just go to plan B? I'll get my divorce agreement in a few days if not today. I feel there is no time left.

Should I just try and let it go? I love him still. I've been in so much agony for two and a half months.

Expects, I don't know your sitch and I'm going to try and get my laptop so I can read, but I just wanted to give you a hug.

I remember my first holiday time and I just stayed on here and people who cared came and sat with me.

Awwww! Loves to you Queenies! I was about ready to throw in the towel! Thank you!

Don't ever throw in the towel, unless you are really really ready...

I'm not, But what do you think about the wireless card? Should I keep it on so he and the OW can do whatever they do, or shut it off?

You are fighting a war. Marriages can stand anger, they can't stand A. I would do anything to block them. It sends the message that one, you are fighting for your M, and 2, that you will NOT enable them to be together.

H and I are on our way out the door for an AA meeting. I'm on the west coast and WILL be back to talk more to you. Keep reading on here, breathe, in fact, read my thread, specifically read the parts that Mimi wrote me. I went back over them today and I forgot how valuable her information was on understanding how much I could do and how G-d was on my side.

Hugs to you and see you in about 2 hours or so. I will be back..

Okay and thak you! But it's so much worse than just the divorce. I don't even know if I can post it because it is so bad. I'm so sad.

There is always hope and you are very new here. Please, please protect your finances. That is crucial. Hubby is having an affair, so he won't be himself. You can't count on him for ANYTHING. And I hope you won't just sign off on a divorce that you don't want.

EaM, I'm with Queenie: You're fighting a war to save your marriage. When I came here and the veterans started giving me advice, it all seemed so... wrong, at first. It seemed to go against things "proper" and "dignified."

But they were right. A lot of the things our wayward spouses (WS) say is simply not true. It's just lies to assuage their own guilty feelings over what they've done. Of COURSE your husband loves you! Or at least he loved you enough at one time to be willing to marry you. That isn't a lie.

Marriage Builders is all about creating and sustaining that kind of love. But when infidelity enters the picture, the first thing that has to happen is that the affair (physical and/or emotional) HAS TO BE STOPPED. The sooner the better.

So read up, become familiar with the Basic Concepts and more. Read all the articles linked to the right of the screen. ---->

Then do ALL the things the "pros" here tell you to do. Even if you think, "I should/would never do that." Especially if you feel that! In my case, for example, my initial reaction was to want to "hide the dirty little secret" and work behind closed doors. WRONG! Exposure is what works best. And you'll get plenty of guidance on how to expose the affair. Nothing works to kill an affair faster and more effectively than exposing it to everyone who has influence over your husband and can apply pressure. At the same time, you become the woman he fell in love with all over again. In a nutshell, this is Plan A.

If Plan A doesn't work (and there is a time limit on how long it is to be worked), then it's time for Plan B. I won't go into Plan B yet, as it's more important to focus on Plan A.

What you need to keep in the front of your mind at all times is that you are FIGHTING TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. It will be hard. You will feel brutalized and tortured at times. This may be the hardest thing you have done in your life. But you CAN DO IT. And the end result will be your satisfaction and your peace of mind. You will have given your best and you will know what direction your path will take -- and be at peace with that -- when all is said and done.

Hang in there. We at MB wish you the merriest Christmas possible under the circumstances. We have all been where you are now. Have courage and strength. We are with you!

Hi Expect, I'm just checking in to see how you are doing. I see you aren't here. I'm praying for you. I'll check back and see how you are doing in the morning.

Listen to Believer and Frank, they really understand this and their words are dead on.

Hugs EM....

Thank you all for your advice! Really! I feel so motivated! But I also feel so stuck. You see, I think this is a long distance affair, and I really feel helpless to find out and expose who it is. I do know that my husabnd seems willing to give up EVERYTHING to be with her. God help me I just don't know what to do, I know he has guilt, but never enough to come home. He's told me where our marriage went wrong; receration and sex, yet he won't spend time with me so that I can work on those areas. Where do I go from here?

EAM, I'm not entirely sure I get this statement . Is this because you are separated from your WH or the OW is long distance from your WH?