I told WH that as long as he was with her that we couldn't be friends. He will finally realize he lost his best friend-me and also she is not his friend. Too bad. He will also realize that he will come in 3rd place with her because her kids and her will be 1st and 2nd. I always put my WH and children 1st and I was always last. No more, I am always going to be 1st now and my children are grown and don't need me as much but there will be times they will 1st and I will be 2nd.
Felt a little blue today, I am leaving everything in God's hands and I know He will take care of me. He has given me plenty of signs that everything is going to be okay. The best one was "Don't give up!" in big letters on a web site I went to after I asked God for a sign. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I don't because of that and a few other things I have received from Him. It is hard but coming helps me a lot.
Went to see the AVATAR at the theater and it is awesome. Loved it and recommend it to others. Watched it in 3-D and did not get sick or get a headache. If is was blurred I just concentrated on anything that was clear and sharp. Jumped a few times because of something jumping out at you or falling.

Yep, Tracy, hang in there. Boy your H is so messed up..of course I have no crystal ball, but I can see him a few months or even a year down the line coming back to you telling you he want to work on M.
Mine is also messed up but only in the head, yours has health issues and OW is way too young...for a man with diabetes and no money.
Glad you had fun. You will be able to handle this more than well, and maybe you will not want him back.\
Blessing

Someone replied to that line with "You don't have sex make love with your "friends""

.

My Mom and Dad got here yesterday afteroon. Both my girls were here too. Oldest daughter went to work and doesn't feel good and like to be off since she worked Thanksgiving. My Mom and I both told her we would pay here wages for today if she could come home. She only makes $7.50/hr so we can both swing it and I know my parents could swing it no matter what she made and hour.
Youngest daughter informed me last night that WH got someone to buy his truck for what he owed on it. I was so shocked. Now he has about $800/month extra in his pocket. I just can't believe it. It is not fair. I cried by myself in the shower last night and I cried in the kitchen with my parents today. I felt like God has made it easy for my WH to make with her. I feel so lost right now. He will get to use the company truck so all he has to pay for is the gas. WH's son 28 called looking for his father(he was raised by his mom and stepdad) and notified him of what happened. He said he was so sorry. He doesn't have a whole lot to do with WH. DD 19 gave him WH's number and talked to him a little while. WH's son has a 4 or 5 yr old daughter. I am betting since he didn't know his father had left me, I am betting OW doesn't know about him. Bet she will today. Now that WH will extra money he will now have the money to divorce me. This is not right.

Traci, I feel so much of your pain. I'm sorry for you.

When my WW left the house, she had an overdrawn checking account, was over the limit on her credit cards, owed money to everyone, and had no job. I thought $$$ would be the cause of her "seeing reality" and ending the A and bringing her home.

Then just a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue, an offer was made on a piece of property that has been idle for years. She now has $$$ to the tune of thousands.

So much for my thoughts/wishes. Someone said to me that perhaps she has her own Higher Power looking out for her -- and that maybe this Higher Power is protecting BOTH of us.

It didn't help me sleep any better, I'll tell you that. It makes the prospect of recovery that much harder, it seems.

One thing that keeps coming back to me is that things don't happen in MY TIME. I want things to work out and to happen soon. I read a lot of the stories here, and the people who have been working for YEARS on recovery is astounding. It takes a lot of determination and commitment to follow through. In A.A. we call this "Another F***ing Growth Experience."

It's very rought, especially this time of year. All I can do is advise you the same as everyone else: Keep coming here and pouring your heart out. The people on MB are some of the best people in the worst club in the world.

As shallow and hollow as it sounds, I wish you a peaceful holiday.

Merry Christmas to you,Fred. Thank you for words. Still don't think it is fair that they are not having bad things happening to them. They should not be having such good luck. It seems that we are the ones getting screwed over and over again and they are coming out smelling like roses. I just don't understand why. I know I am not the best person in the world but I was the best person for him and I never did to him what he has done to me. I have never screwed anyone over in my entire life. As a matter of fact, I have always said that I wouldn't do to anyone what I wouldn't want done to me, especially cheating on my spouse. I can't even be hateful to someone even when I would like to. I can lose my temper when pushed enough and let that person have it who set me off and that included my H. So I cannot understand why I deserve this to happen to me and he gets away scott free and being lucky. I am tired of hurting and him being happy. When is he going to get screwed in life?

Again, Traci, I share your pain, anger, grief and sorrow.

I've been around long enough to believe in Karma. We just don't know when it will happen, or in what form it will take.

The other day I posted about a man who married his OW and has been married to her for 25 years. Surprised, I said to him, "Oh, I guess everything worked out for you, then?"

His response surprised me: He says he still suffers from the guilt and shame of his actions. The impact on his life -- even 25 years later -- was evident in the expression on his face.

You see, "normal people" -- those with a conscience, have to come to terms with their actions and behaviors. They're called consequences. People without a conscience, like my WW, wind up with different consequences: living in small apartments, unstable relationships, perhaps STDs, financial difficulties, and the list is endless. And they moan and complain that life hasn't been "fair" to them.

Everyone gets their just desserts. Of that I am sure. It's just not in our hands to deliver it. That's frustrating, I know. So the best thing we can do is to live our own lives, being the best, healthiest, caring people we can be. That in itself is its own reward.

I really don't care if my husband feels guilty for what he has done. I think he and others like him should pay for what they do and not reap the rewards even that man who married the OW and was still married to her after 25 yrs. His guilt does not pay for what he had done because no matter what he is happy and everything worked out for him and his poor XW probably still bears the scars til this day. All I want is for him to suffer and to see he made the biggest mistake in his life and wants to come back, but now things have been made easier for him and he will finish what he started and leave me forever.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 47yrs
OW 26yrs with a 2 and now 4yr old and still married
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 22yrs now
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

Traci - Hope you will enjoy Christmas with your parents and daughters. It's a hard time of year for people going through infidelity. But I promise you that your husband will pay, will regret the day he met the OW, and will realize that he tossed the best things in his life for nothing.

You are fairly new in this, but statistics say that chances are great that he will want to come back. The problem will be whether you still want him.

Try to have a good holiday and trust in the Lord's promise. I know it is very hard, and right now things seem to be going good for hubby. But that will change.

I want to thank everyone for their support and wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas!

You too Traci

Just got through having lunch with my parents and enjoyed it very much. Laughed some and talked with friends. Trying to grind up Starbucks coffee and figure out how much to use in the coffee maker. First pot was so strong that we would have grown hair all over our bodies. Laughing up here at the hospital trying to figure it out. Have enough goodies to feed all 3 units and we wonder why we gain weight this time of year. Except for the weight gain from the lexapro I haven't gained any other weight. Will go to a weight loss center come the beginning of the year and get rid ot this weight and then some.
Merry Christmas!

Actually, Traci, that strong coffee may remove hair.
FWIW, I was married to a n17 years my junior. It was a nightmare.Loneliest relationship I have ever been in.

I made it through Christmas without a hitch. Didn't cry and had fun at work. Surprised that I didn't hurt yesterday especially since WH left exactly 5 months ago yesterday. Had breakfast with my parents and then they went home to Tennessee. Doing fine and I feel that I will be fine for New Year's too. Have to work New Year's Eve but off New Year's Day. Don't know if I will be going out or not. Most of us don't go out to celebrate anymore but maybe we can get together at someone's house to ring in the New Year.
Still hoping and praying for his return.

BW-me 44yrs
WH 47yrs
OW 26yrs with a 2 and now 4yr old and still married
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 22yrs now
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

Hi Traci,

THIS is the true Traci. You know it. You have the self-worth to make the emotional state of "being fine" a reality. It always ends up showing itself in your posts. Sure, there will be down days, but your core belief system will ultimately get you back to places like THIS.

Glad that the holiday went well, Traci.

Stay strong.

TB

Your doin great traci

I try my best to stay strong but it is hard as heck to do. I was doing fine after my parents left for home and a couple of hours ago i just started to cry. It seemed the more I cried the more I prayed and the more I prayed the more I cried. I prayed that God would take my WH in his arms and let him see things as they truely are and to lead him back into the fold. I prayed that He would let my WH see the OW as she truely is and to see me as I am. I also prayed for strength and wisdom to see me through all of this.
Still hoping and praying.

You know what Traci, THANX.

I need to know that I am not crazy for praying for the same things you are. I have people telling me it will get easier, I will feel better, and all of that but it doesn't help. Intellectually I KNOW I will feel better, I KNOW it will get easier and easier but I don't want it to. I just want WH to WANT to come home. I have only been in a DARK Plan B for 8 days and it was a hard Plan A and a hard start to Plan B.

I am sorry for your pain but it is good to know that my pain is normal.

Thank you

Yes,Scotland, your pain is normal and others will tell you that it will get better. The problem is is that we all react differently and we heal differently and at different rates. My problem is that my friends all tellme to get over it and move on and they have never been there. Friends love us and want to help but don't know how especially when we are hurting. Keep praying and don't give up becaause I think if we do we will hurt more. It is comforting for me to pray to God. I think praying nd hoping helps us get over the worse of it so we are able to continue on when the time comes that they don't come back. I went to a form of Plan B before I found MB a couple of weeks after WH left me. I have been in a dark Plan B for over 2 months and that is what has kept me sane. I want him back more than anything in the world but I also know that I have to give it time because it has only been 5 months and I have given myself 2 yrs. Unfortunately I think I will be divorced in a couple of months. WH finally sold his truck and now has an extra $815/month because he no longer has to pay $710/month for his truck and $95/month for insurance. He can drive a truck from work. That helps make things easier for him to have money for OW. He only makes $11/hr now and has approximately $12000 in credit card debt. I hope that things will eventually come to head and he sees her as she really is.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 47yrs
OW 26yrs with a 2 and now 4 yr old and still married
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 22yrs now
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moves in with OW 7/29/2009