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Joined: Sep 2003
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I'm sure there are others here feeling the same way.

My life is good again, and things are going well, but have been reading a book called "A Thread of Grace" about Jewish people escaping the Nazi's. It is a story of a father and his daughter crossing the mountains, fleeing the Nazi's. The father sent his wife and 2 sons on a train to freedom, but apparently they didn't make it.

While crossing the mountains, the father loses his wedding ring, and is frantically looking for it. The Nazi's are closing in, and the daughter told her father "it is just a ring".

He slaps his daughter's face. "It's not just .... a ring!"

It is the home he and his wife made during sixteen years of marriage, his children's baby photos, mementos of his own youth. It is his orderly office, and meticuloulsy cared-for-wardrope, the reputation he built as an accountant, accurate and scrupulously honest. It is everything that was, and is no more."

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(((((((B))))))),

I am sure this is a difficult time for you and your kids. How are they all fairing?.....
The loss you all had this year was tremendous.....I'm not surprised you are feeling blue....may God grant you all peace this year.....

You are still one of the most amazing and strongest women I know....

MerryChristmas.....

Not2fun

ps....Mark and I were talking a couple of weeks ago. Seemed another Plan A'er needed to borrow your shoes.... wink

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Not2 -

Hope you are doing well. All of our kids are doing alright.
I've been in Seattle helping my mom who is undergoing more cancer treatment. Been here for 6 months, which is very difficult. Even though our kids are grown, they really relied on us.

My given children's mom is a druggie, so she has been no help at all. They are getting through, but just barely. My 2 sons are stepping up and really supporting their brothers and sisters which is a huge relief.

I'm just back to the whole "what a horrible waste" scenario. All of this pain both families, for nothing.

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B,

I'm sorry to hear that your mom is still struggling with cancer. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I am not sure we ever heal when it all ends in a D. The hole is there for a long, long time. And your sitch was so tragic. Mine has so many parallels to yours and it scares me.

You have your children to think about now, so be thankful that they are there with you.

((((((((((((((((((((B))))))))))))))))))))))))))0


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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((((B))))

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I am sure that is very difficult. It's all quite alot for you and your family to handle this year. I wish there was something I could say to help. You've helped me in some of my worst times.

I hope the coming year will bring you peace. Merry Christmas.


BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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Michele -

Thankyou. While my mom is fighting a very aggressive disease, I'm thankful that she is still living a good life. The hardest part was that she cared for my dad for 5 years, and she was diagnosed with cancer just 2 months after he died.

But that was 2 years ago. Thanks to all of the wonderful treatments, she has had 2 good years with no symptoms or problems. It won't continue forever, but I'm very grateful.

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(((((HUGS)))))

Dear B,

You are a dear woman who has walked through all sorts of fires you didn't choose, but have held up faithful and with grace.

I pray that you and all those you love find the peace of the season tonight and throughout the coming year.

Love you!

KA

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Thanks KA. You are right. It is not what I would have chosen, but then I always remember that I've been blessed.

I do have fears about how all of this will change the lives of our children. We were a devout family, very active in our church.

My sons, 25 and 28, both say they will never marry. My given son is married, and he is a rock, completely devoted to his family and kids. But his sister (who aided the affair) is really struggling. She has 2 boys and has had 2 affairs.

And the 2 youngest girls are both pregnant and not married.

So I pray constantly that the sins of the father won't be passed onto the children.

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Originally Posted By: ChaiLover
I am not sure we ever heal when it all ends in a D. The hole is there for a long, long time.

If I may be so bold: We do heal. My first marriage ended in divorce. My XW and I were married for 17 years. We had one child. XW left me due to my drinking, plus the re-emergence of her old college boyfriend.

I have often said my XW did two of the best things in my life for me: She came into it, and she left it.

Her leaving was the push I needed to get sober. That was almost 20 years ago. Despite our differences, we have always agreed that our daughter's welfare came first. She had physical custody, but insisted that I share visitation. I am grateful for that.

Now that my second wife has left due to her affair, my daughter -- and yes, my ex-wife -- are two of my strongest supporters! I had Thanksgiving with the two of them, and while my daughter napped after dinner, XW and I spoke as though the passage of time had melted away. Not as lovers, not as husband and wife, but as long-standing friends.

There is no way to guarantee that a scenario such as this will play out in your life, but having been down the D road once before, I do know that we can heal. Whether we do, or how we do it, is entirely up to us.

As L'il says in her tag line: TIME. It takes time. And we have to give time, time.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Originally Posted By: believer


My given children's mom is a druggie, so she has been no help at all. They are getting through, but just barely. My 2 sons are stepping up and really supporting their brothers and sisters which is a huge relief.


This is a HUGE testament to you, B. You were such a STABLE example to everyone....how lucky they all are to have YOU....what a blessing...

Originally Posted By: B
I'm just back to the whole "what a horrible waste" scenario. All of this pain both families, for nothing.


I know honey.....you have uttered these words so many times through the years on here. And to be quite honest, a waste indeed...and so unnecessary.

BUT, I know what a pillar of strength you are. You were for me. Your words and kindest helped me in my worst time of need. For that, I will be forever grateful.....

We've missed ya kiddo....(look at me being younger and saying that....). While I understand your absence, you have still been missed. I wanted to thank you for stopping in and soothing many on here tonight....but you were always good for that....

hug

not2fun

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Merry Christmas, Believer!

It's so good to see you, again.

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Merry Christmas Believer. Gosh I have missed you. I think about you so often.

If I am understanding right, you are up here in the PNW, it looks like Johnstwin, Looking 4 and I are getting together on the 29th. It would be absolutely awesome if you could come join us.

I love you B. You have given so often and are such a miracle in so many lives.

Please feel the love, respect and absolute caring that we have and if we could we would take the pain away to give you some relief.

And if you need any help with your mom, I truly would consider it an honor to help you out.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Merry Christmas Believer from your friends around the world.


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Believer,I don't know if you will remember me, but you were such a good support to me when I was going through my painful time.

You were so right...the "happy brady bunch" as I used to call ow's kids and mine..are no longer so happy!My kids hate ow and have problems with her eldest son.My XH is still married to her...1 year now..but things are not going too well....his in major debt and his business he started wuth her is battling....I don't know how their relationship is though.....

He phoned me a while ago and spent an hour telling me all his problems,I just let him vent...afterwards he told me how he enjoyed talking to me etc....he knows I'll take him back and he said "his head is spinning and he can't think about coming home now cos he has money problems to worry about".
He's drinking like a fish,her as well...my youngest just had a major fallout with ow and he told his dad if he wants to see him in future he'll have to come to our house cos his not going back there...
I hate the pain my boys go through cos of HIS bad choices...

I will try to keep in contact although internet access is scarce...

I'm so sorry to hear about your heartache you are experiencing in your life...you are such a strong woman and I know you will pull through whatever life throws your way....

bye for now(have to get back to work!...yes,on christmas day!!!)


BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!







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Hi believer,
All I can do is wish you a happy Christmas and hope you can have at least a little fun today. It's really good to see you around here, and I hope you'll be around MB more this year. There are lots of folks here who would gain a lot.
Merry Christmas,
Mulan


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Merry Christmas B

I wanted to thank you for all the prayers you've lifted up for my family over the past 2+ yrs. You've blessed so many lives by giving as you have. Please know in turn, that I've been praying for you.

(((((((B))))))))





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I, too, want to wish you a very Merry Christmas, Believer.

Thank you for sharing your story and wisdom with those of us who continue to struggle.

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You probably don't know/remember me. I have been reading your posts to other memembers for two years and just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy NEW Year to you and your family... your family (especially you and your mom) are in my prayers.


Truth can stand on it's own two feet....A lie needs support....FRM
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B, I'm sure this is a tough time for you. You've always been the voice of reason and strength here and I'd like you take our strength today instead of always giving yours.

Fred, the "D" in B's life wasn't just divorce it was also death. B's ExWH took his own life this year.

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Originally Posted By: Fred_in_VA

Now that my second wife has left due to her affair, my daughter -- and yes, my ex-wife -- are two of my strongest supporters! I had Thanksgiving with the two of them, and while my daughter napped after dinner, XW and I spoke as though the passage of time had melted away. Not as lovers, not as husband and wife, but as long-standing friends.


Fred, I think it will be a very long time before I can have a relationship like that with my XWH, if ever. The pain and destruction from all of this is pretty deep. Not sure if you have read much on my thread, but my XWH was pretty hostile.

Quote:
As L'il says in her tag line: TIME. It takes time. And we have to give time, time.


I know this is true, but it is taking longer than I had hoped...


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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