My WH lives and works on the west coast, he had gone home to the midwest . His stepfather said he had been "shacked up" the whole time. But of course he had to come west to go back to work. He told me that he would even change careers to be able to move to the midwest; he's already looking for new jobs. I believe the OW is in the midwest.

Okay, I know I'm supposed to be kind and all, but does that include leaving the wireless internet card I loaned him active so that he can Skype with the OW? He told me he wanted to borrow it so that he could email me yet no emails, so I'm fairly certain what he's using it for.

Stop paying for communication between hubby and his affair partner. Cancel it TODAY.

Right now it will be hard to follow the MB advice, because he is in the midst of an affair, so he won't be interested in having contact with you. However that will change. You can count on it.

EAM, If you read nothing else, read this. B is the EXPERT on knowing that an A will ONE DAY end. She reminded me over and over and over again that ALMOST all A end one day. I didn't believe it like I'm sure you don't, but I held on and it happened.

Stop LISTENING to what he says. Just watch the ACTIONS. He is saying the same thing that they all say. GARBAGE...

Okay I found out who it is, I just don't have physical proof of the affair. What now?

First you protect your finances. Then you cancel anything that would enable the affair.

If you think you have found the affair partner, you might want to just do nothing, if you have no proof. But please think about who you would have to provide the proof to. Certainly not hubby - he already knows and will deny everything.

I spent a long time obtaining proof, which my WH denied, over and over.

The main thing is that you know. Then you can expose the affair, but it sounds like his relatives already know. Is that right?

Take your time. You can expose to anyone who has influence on hubby - his family, people he works with, her family, etc. You do it by letting them know that you love your husband and request their help in saving your marriage.

Yes, his family knows. They aren't sure who it is. But now that I know I will call his mom and dad and ask them. His stepdad is my biggest ally. He said he saw him looking a a womans pics too, so I'll ask him if the description is the same. I'm going through all her family and friends wall posts to find hard evidence. Merry Christmas! It's kinda sick that I think that finding out who my husband is having an affair with is my biggest Chrsitmas present. Pretty pathetic, huh?

Should I confront the OW first or just send the exposure letter?

I need to catch up on this, but my first reaction because I see you are on and I always remembered when I was on I wanted immediate replies so I didn't feel so helpless or alone.

If I am accurate, it is NEVER a good idea to confront the OW. She isn't the problem your WH is. Let me read the rest though.

Thank you Queenie! Yes I do feel very helpless and alone. Thank you for your response. I know it is her, but I don't have any physical proof. His family is on my side but they are beginning to shut down. Should I expose anyway? We have gone to mediation and he is pretty much giving me everything; but only so it'll be easier to move across the country with her. I know if I expose, he will start a world war. What to do?

Do you have a lawyer, don't sign anything. Can't you stall?

EAM, understandably you are all over the map with emotions and WANTING to do something.

STOP... BREATHE...TALK to G-d and RELAX.... BREATHE... DON'T MOVE, DON'T SIGN... BREATHE.....

Keep breathing. Things are moving too fast, try and slow them down. You know they have had an A, but there is absolutely no PROOF? Then if you have to do something, find the proof. You can do it.

How is his family beginning to shut down? I found that A thrive on not only secrecy but absolute chaos. This seems pretty chaotic and moving way too fast.

Your WH is pushing you into something you don't want. Are you financially protected? Do you rely on his money to survive?

No, he took all our money and got a lawyer for himself. I agreed to mediation and I have found many things wrong with the wording.

I have been talking to God and yesterday, on Christmas, nearly lost all my faith. But then I discovered who she was. I just need solid proof because I know he will make me look like a fool if I don't.

I called a P.I. where the OW lives, he said that because of legal issues and since he already filed that I'd have to be very very careful if I were to expose or else I could lose any hope for even half our assets. He also said that no P.I.'s in the area even do that type of investigation anymore and that it would cost as much for a P.I. as a lawyer; thousands for just the retainer.

Um, as far as proof. That is hard because she is so far away. His stepdad talked to me yesterday about it and I think it made his mom mad that he did. He told me that he is my biggest ally. I tried to get a hold of him today, but I think he may be in trouble for telling me as much as he did. I feel very helpless. I love him so much, but am so hurt and so tired of hurting.

At his urging, I've been a student our whole marriage. I have my son to worry about and can't even find employment in my prior professions; bartending and waitressing. It seems all businesses are cutting back. Like I said he has taken all of our savings. I feel like I have no recourse; either I cave in to his wants or else we are on the street.

I know EAM you are tired. I REALLY REALLY understand.

I'm so not the expert on legal advice. If you find something wrong with the wording, DO NOT sign a THING... OK

He can't make you look like anything. He can try, but you are fighting for your M and have to apologize to NO ONE...

This is what Believer said,

TRUST her wisdom. She knows her stuff.

Okay, so I should expose? I have a letter written already.

Is there not SOME free legal advice that you can call or child protection services that MIGHT be able to help you gather information and find out how you can protect your finances.

If he has moved and left you penniless, are there not services where you can get food stamps or go to the food bank for emergency help.

I don't know your economic situation, but I was one upper middle class wife, living high on the hog in a 3000 sq ft house. I needed to feed my babies and I was able to get help from jewish services.

I'm scared to, should i wait until I sign the DA?

I looked for legal aid, we are literally in the middle of nowhere and there is none. I wish I were Jewish, they always take such good care of one another, at least as I've seen from friends I've had.

But, no he's is willing to give me anything, pretty much so that he can get out. I'm scared if I expose that we will have to battle. I have to care about the finances because I have my son. But really "things" don't mean that much to me, I just want my husband back.