Well, I just got thrown another curve ball. During the prayer before Christmas dinner, my mom announced that she has breast cancer. That's my mom for you -- Yes, it's sad and yes, I'm sorry for her and will be there to support her -- but she could have waited to make her announcement later or called each of us kids up beforehand instead of saying it in front of us kids and grandkids and then saying -- OK -- let's eat!

Apparently she found out two days ago and waited until today to let us know.

I'm upset about the cancer. It was caught very early, the Dr. is optimistic that a lumpectomy and radiation will do the trick, and her prognosis is good. But -- crap, mom -- call and tell me when you find out or come over and let me know in person.

I'm not liking Christmas more and more each year.

I'm told that Stage 0 or 1 has it the best, it seems, in terms of survival rates, which stage is she in? Did she say?

HH,

I am so sorry that your mom has cancer, and sorry that you found out the way that you did. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

This may take the focus off D!ck, which can only be good for you. You mom needs you now and I know that you will be there for her.

((((((HH))))))

This is D!ck's ONLY healthy way home.

I understand this so well and see what happens when AFTER G-d does get him back in the fold. It can happen, IT CAN. I watch, experience and hear it everyday with how H walks, talks, and does in his actions.

Keep the prayers going, scream at Satan to get the heck away and TRUST G-d. He is OVER there doing his deal, we just don't know how or when. But we can TRUST him.

Well special occasion D!ck met with the girls on Christmas Eve morning to spare an hour over breakfast. He gave them each a gift card then asked if he should give something to DS. Of course the girls said yes, so wonderful D!ck forked over some cash and told the girls to give it to DS.

Right out of a Norman Rockwell Christmas scene!

Yes, because money mends a broken heart.

You are right, Karmasrose. Money is D!ck's strength AND his weakness and he THINKS money can wipe away a host of sins.

D!ck wasn't always this way. When we had limited funds, he applied elbow grease and time to fix problems. Like when we needed to fix our back fence. He'd go out and buy the supplies, enlist his dad and brothers or friends to help, and they'd work together for a day or two to get the job done.

Then -- when D!ck felt his time was too valuable for "manual labor," he started hiring out even the simple fixes.

And I see that now ... in EVERYTHING he does. Toss a few bucks at a problem and make it go away. Toss money at the kids and they'll stop bothering you. Gambling and it'll eventually pay off. Spend money on Bimbo and she'll make him feel good. AND ignore the bottomline because to acknowledge the bottomline is to own the bottomline. Act like it doesn't exist because until he's FORCED to put the debt in his own name or pay it off, it's just on paper.

But his views are so warped... especially for a guy who makes his living in and around money.

I think this view will work to my advantage during the divorce process. See... instead of fixing our relationship, he moved onto another. So to "clean up the mess" he left behind, he'll need to toss money my way for me to "go away." And it would have been CHEAPER to work on the marriage, and it would have been more SELF-SATISFYING to put our sweat and teamwork into rebuilding our relationship, and we could have involved our kids in the process -- but, no, that wouldn't have been a good use of D!ck's time. He'd rather "hire out" for his needs then to do the work.

Like the old slogan goes... You can pay me now or pay me later.

D!ck once shared a saying... "If it flies, floats or f#*ks, it's cheaper to rent than own."

So planes, boats and women....

Don't know how this applies when you have two women in the mix... one you're still married to and one you're living with.

Hi Holy,

I think you have come up with some good analogies regard D!ck. And since you know that the road to his coming home or "salvation" is G-d. The saying could be... Walk me me NOW or wait till later, but it will HURT more.

Well, I would think marriage was the owner manual one.

Wouldn't you?

Yep... I agree, Queenie. My name is on the registration...until it is taken off by a legal entity.

He really is messed up in all walks of life. And he was so angry at court last week. And I got his check in the mail the other day... the RAGE is evident in his penmanship...his normal signature was just a squiggly line.

I plan on hiding out in safe Plan B. No contact whatsoever. The next court date is three weeks away. My guess is that nothing will happen then because he's still stalling at turning over the credit card statements. Once I get these, we can work on proposing a settlement.

I pray that he stops seeing me as the bad guy in all of this. He's getting what he wanted -- Bimbo and a divorce. I'm not getting what I wanted -- my marriage and family back together.

And the HURT, Queenie....
His therapist told him that either path he chose would be full of challenges. Whether he stayed to work on the marriage or he left to pursue Bimbo. He chose the path to Bimbo. And he's come to that part on the path that has a hefty toll bridge to cross. And he's slowing down because he doesn't want to pay. And he thinks he can't turn around or back up. Cars are honking behind him. He's debating whether or not he'll get away with it if he crashes through the crossing arms...

I think that is where D!ck is at today. Do I really need to pay the fare or can I get away with it if I run the bridge? And if I run -- how long will it take for them to catch up with me? Remember -- D!ck is a gambler.

Today is the one year anniversary of his walking out so him rethinking the original path likely isn't an option.

And Queeenie -- I know what you're going to say... we don't know what is going on on the other side of the mountain. I'm just trying to take care of my side of the mountain for now. And if there is some strategy I can use -- since money is at the center of D!ck's world -- then I'm all ears.

Any recommendation with that?

HH, that is probably not going to happen, at least anytime soon. If ever.

When these D's get nasty, they seem to take on a life of their own. It's like a snowball that you just can't stop. Their hatred and anger at us seems to keep building. Even if you were to just give up and give him everything, it wouldn't change his mind. In fact, that would only reinforce his thinking.

You just have to keep fighting him HH otherwise he and Bimbo will walk away with everything and you and your children will be left with nothing. Don't let it happen.

Look at me, I didn't fight as hard as I should have, and I have to give XWH and his trailer trash ho a chunk of my retirement savings.

Hang tough girl. He WILL fall eventually. Maybe just not in your timeframe.

I got to wondering more and more about this anger and have a theory.

I wonder if anger is just a stage to be followed by bargaining, depression, and acceptance -- like the stages of dying. You'd probably agree that our waywards went through the denial stage BIG TIME when they thought what they were doing wouldn't hurt anyone.

I think the anger is geared toward us because we are making them take responsibility for their actions via court and money. We're not covering for them or protecting them anymore, and they are lashing out at us. We put our foot down after our crying/weeping "denial" stage, and we're no longer pushovers.

Now the bargaining stage might get very, very interesting.

I completely agree with your theory, HH. However, I also think that waywards, especially those that continue the affair, get stuck in the anger stage. I would even go so far as to say that the affair itself depends on it (this ties into my drama theory). What happens to them is that they never get through all the stages of grief - hence the never heal.

I guess I'm stuck in the anger stage as well. DS got in an auto accident the other night. Thankfully, not his fault, he wasn't hurt, and his vehicle is fixable. FIL came to the resue yet again. I text D!ck that DS was in an accident and that I was headed there. THE NEXT DAY.... D!ck sent a text.. "DS OK?" I text "yes." And then "And the truck?" I text "damaged."

That, folks, is the love, concern and affection shown by my pick for Father of the Year. Pathetic!!!

And WH? Off today to Vegas for trip #11 this year.

I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM.

OK... I better redirect this anger to a workout. I think I'm more not "Surviving an Affair" but "Struggling Through an Affair." It's a struggle each and every day. Each and every day. Where is the justice? I know, God's justice will come in God's time... but where is MY justice. In the courts? In revenge? In karma? In living a good life? None of that crap matters if you're pissed like I am right now.

Holidays suck. I said 2008 was the Year I hate. Then I said 2009 would be Mightly Fine. Now -- f-ing 2010 -- WHAT?

2010... the Year of WHAT? men? zen? I meet Ken?

Maybe 2010 -- the Year I WIN.

And we have a winner!

No you don't.

You still care. This is a measure of who you are...

Let Holy have her anger for a bit...after all, it's not like she's a Jedi and everything will go down the tubes if she is angry.

Happy New Year to my MB friends!

Must say that I had a much better New Year's Eve without WH than I thought possible. A nice dinner with a few friends, watching the ball drop at midnight, then each of us four women taking turns kissing the husband of the host as he slept on the couch under his grandmother's quilt.

What fun! And off to the movies today.

This is my third New Year's Day since the A. The first -- I knew about the A, he left that day to talk with her, and I discovered photos of them being together between Christmas and New Years. I kicked him out.

Last year -- he was in Vegas with Bimbo spending a fortune. He had left two days after Christmas and "money was no object."

This year -- he is in Vegas, again, with Bimbo. He has so much less money to impress her with and he's obviously being cautious with his spending since he knows it can AND WILL be used against him in a court of law.

And -- more importantly -- ME. No tears. No regrets. Feeling empowered. Feeling wonderful. Looking great -- if I must say so myself. Looking forward to a GREAT 2010.

It does get better with time. And I wake up each day in my bed, in my house, with my children, living my life. A life I am proud of. And the D -- I will stand tall and go after EVERYTHING to protect my family, my future, my faith.

I am blessed.