Merry Christmas, Queenie. Thanks for being there for me and the others during this year. You inspire us with your words of faith and hope and love ... You really do. Take care and enjoy this special day with your family. You deserve it, girlie!!!

Happy Holiday's to you, you H, and your boys..... hope you all have a happy and blessed New Year!!!!

Happy Holiday's to you and your family,Queenie. Reading your posts has really inspired me and gives me hope for the future. I know that I might never get back with my WH but I feel like I have a chance. I pray to God for strength and patience in my tribulations. Because of what has happened I have grown closer to God and i noticed that you did too. I believe that God does things to us to bring us back into the fold and to make us stronger. I have grown so much in the past 5 months and learned so much about myself and my marriage. I still have major ups and downs and I know this and I just try to get through the down days the best I can. I have learned to lean on my friends and family instead of suffering by myself. One thing I can say is that if my WH does return that he will find that I have not said anything ugly about him from anyone. Yes, I have said he was an idiot and stupid but that is the truth. I haven't called him one ugly name. I am going to continue on and take a page out of your book. Thank you for all of your insights.
Still hoping and praying for his return.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 47yrs
OW 26yrs with a 2 and now 4yr old and still married
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 22yrs now
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009

WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

Hello Queenie!

I hope your holidays are peaceful and that you are enjoying your family!


:HappyHolidays:

Queenie - Where is the get together going to be? I am here until the 31st, and then am flying home for 2 months until my mom has another treatment in February. It would be so nice to see you.

Traci,

I know Queenie won't mind a small tj here so I wanted to say this to you.

God doesn't "do things to us" in order to accomplish His goals. He does however allow us to do things to ourselves that He then can use to teach us to be like Him. He will teach us patience, love for those who hate us and will reveal His plans for us when He knows that we are ready. He has been ready all along but because we aren't yet on the same page as Him, He will delay revealing His will and plans so that we might learn what it means to rely on Him and Him alone for all that we need daily.


The shift in Queenie's world took place when she began to pray that God would give her a chance to become what He wanted her to be.

You see, no matter what happens to your husband, God wants to do something in you. He can do that only if you are willing to let Him do it. At the same time He wants to do something in your husband and in order to accomplish that task, He needs your husband to bend to His will. But what He wants for you is not dependent on what your husband does or does not do.

Remember Jeremiah 29...

Verse 11 is the one that can give us so much hope. It tells us that God has specific plans for each one of us and those plans are all for such good things.

But it is verses 12-14 that tell us what is the key to having those plans revealed and come to pass in our lives.
Pray that God can work His will and have His way in your life and in your husband's. If God gets what He wants in our lives we find out that what we wanted was so puny and insignificant by comparison...

Mark

Mark-

Thanks for this post (and small tj- which I am continuing- my apoligies Queenie). I really needed to read and re-read your post this morning.

I have felt myself, and recognized, a shift in my own focus away from God... and need to get back there. Over the past few weeks I have become very focused on OW and who she is, what she represents and her influence/effects on WH and in essence my family. Maybe it's the time of year, holidays and all, or the fact that I along with several close friends of mine (used to be WH's as well) thought that by now OW would have been history and the affair done. Regardless it seemed to culminate for me yesterday afternoon and I hit bottom again, and real hard... WH picked up our DSs for Christmas and in a blatant violation of visitation order (explicitly states there is to be no contact with OW), took them to OW's house for several hours.

Again, thank you! The timing of your post is just... Incredible.

I'd like to pop in with a thanks to Mark for posting this. I come to Queenie's thread because I know that what you've said is truth and that Queenie is a testament to it. She inspires me.

When I find myself turning my focus from Christ to WH or OW I start feeling "stuck" yet again. But when I focus my energy on searching for His purpose in all this and keeping the door open for His will in my life, I feel peace. Why I keep returning to the pain, I don't know. Yesterday was hard for all BS's. That is understandable. But we can take to heart what Mark has reminded us of and what Queenie has shown us, dust ourselves off and start moving forward again.

Thanks Mark, I know after reading Queenie's posts that she won't mind what you posted. She inspires me and I thank you for your post. Funny thing is is that I felt fine yesterday and never had a bad moment and I thought I would cry off and on all day but I did not. I am trying hard to move forward and I think that I am but I do have some bad moments but I just pick myself up, pray and move on.

Three times yesterday I tried to reply to this thread and three times the wind kicked up and took out our electricity.

So suffice to say, it's G-ds plan to leave whats written by who wrote it because I don't have anything better to add.

Thank you for stopping by everyone and your continued support and input. It so helps me look at myself and keep seeking G-d daily to make sure that Queenie gets out of G-ds way.

Last night I went to my AA meeting and it was the most unusual topic. It started of about the big book of course, but then evolved into History with G-d.

What is YOUR History with G-d? I had NEVER thought about that, but I have history with G-d and I really encourage anyone who is reading that to look at it. Because if you have a histroy where you have felt his presence, you have seen his work play out in your life, then you have history and can call upon those memories to love on you and support you.

Does that make sense? Isn't is beautiful?

I'm struggling with something today and have been for a very long time. So, I hope that you will all who come to understand my walk give me a little room to work through this because I'm trying to understand and be helpful but seem to be missing the mark because I don't understand.

I am an alcoholic/addict and the number one killer of my disease is resentment. Resentments allow me to justify almost anything that isn't g-dly. More and more on here and maybe it's time for me to leave this part of the forum and move over to recovery, but more and more I feel the anger, the resentment in people and I'm not sure how to help or support. Was I just a push over, a fat ugly woman so desperate to get her H back that I would settle for the crumbs that many think he gives me or was I loving and compassionate to accept what he had to offer me TODAY and leave him in G-ds hands to work through his stuff.

I honestly don't know.

If my M wasn't on the mend and being created into a new gift from G-d would I feel, talk and walk the same feelings that so many of you rightly so walk. You have been hurt and destroyed in many ways and your pain and feelings are so REAL and RIGHT.

I honestly don't know.

Was it that my WH wasn't as evil as some of the others and I had it EASIER than most. Well, maybe so. But then I started reading my thread again and WH WAS a monster. He abandoned not only ME but MY CHILDREN. One of them he didn't talk to for OVER A YEAR. He missed his graduation. The WH threw me away like garbage or a used up old dog and kicked me to the curb. He withheld money from me, he left me to pack up a 3000 sq ft house while he LOVED on his OW. He left me to pick up the pieces of ripping apart our children's lives while he PUT HIMSELF FIRST. He cake ate, He cake took and he destroyed in his wake. I had to take him to court to support me and MY CHILDREN. Even Dr. Harley called him a typical wayward, BUT to the EXTREME. He completely walked away and for all intent appearance, NEVER looked back. And even when I have started to have recovery in my M, I still did something to hurt another human being, the OW. It didn't hurt her, it HURT ME.

I could have become angry, bitter and full of resentment. How was it that I just simply kept walking in FAITH and TRUST of my G-d.

I am SO NOT JUDGING anyone. I have NO RIGHT because I'm not in YOUR shoes. But I know that pain, I understand the DEEP HURTS, I have been in YOUR SHOES. Like passengers on a ship that has been shipwrecked, I understand.

This morning I was watching Joyce Meyers and she was talking about relationships, criticism and love etc. It hit home because I found that I have been picking up some old habits of looking to the negative on what H is NOT doing instead of building him up. It HIT HOME. So I went on her website and typed in resentment. This is what I got.

Bitterness, Resentment and Unforgiveness
by Joyce Meyer

Many people ruin their health and their lives by taking the poison of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers. If you have a problem in this area or have ever had one, I�m sure you bear witness with what I�m saying. It�s torture to have hateful thoughts toward another person rolling around inside your head.

Helping Yourself and Others

Who are you helping most when you forgive the person who hurt you? Actually, you�re helping yourself more than the other person. I always looked at forgiving people who hurt me as being really hard. I thought it seemed so unfair for them to receive forgiveness when I had gotten hurt. I got pain, and they got freedom without having to pay for the pain they caused. Now I realize that I�m helping myself when I choose to forgive.

I�m also helping the other person by releasing them so God can do what only He can do. If I�m in the way�trying to get revenge or take care of the situation myself instead of trusting and obeying God�He has no obligation to deal with that person. However, God will deal with those who hurt us if we�ll put them in His hands through forgiveness. The act of forgiving is our seed of obedience to His Word. Once we�ve sown our seed, He is faithful to bring a harvest of blessing to us one way or another.

Another way that forgiveness helps me is that it releases God to do His work in me. I�m happier and feel better physically when I�m not filled with the poison of unforgiveness. Serious diseases can develop as a result of the stress and pressure that bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness put on a person. Mark 11:22-26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working. The Father can�t forgive our sins if we don�t forgive other people. We reap what we sow. Sow mercy, and you�ll reap mercy; sow judgment, and you�ll reap judgment. So do yourself a favor�and forgive.

There are still more benefits of forgiveness. Your fellowship with God flows freely when you�re willing to forgive, but it gets blocked by unforgiveness. Forgiveness also keeps Satan from getting an advantage over us (see 2 Corinthians 2:10,11). Ephesians 4:26,27 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger or give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Remember that the devil must have a foothold before he can get a stronghold. Do not help Satan torture you. Be quick to forgive.

I also think it�s hard to hate one person but love another. It�s hard to treat anybody right when our heart isn�t right. Even people you want to love may be suffering from your bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.

How to Forgive

Would you like to become more successful at forgiving others? There are practical steps that must be taken. One time I asked the Lord why so many people want to forgive but aren�t successful doing it. And He said, "Because they aren�t obeying what I tell them to do in My Word." As I searched the Word, I found the following instructions:

1. Decide � You will never forgive if you wait until you feel like it. Choose to obey God and steadfastly resist the devil in his attempts to poison you with bitter thoughts. Make a quality decision to forgive, and God will heal your wounded emotions in due time (see Matthew 6:12,14).

2. Depend � You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It�s too hard to do on your own. If you are truly willing, God will enable you, but you must humble yourself and cry out to Him for help. In John 20:22,23 Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, �Receive the Holy Spirit!� His next instruction was about forgiving people. Ask God to breathe the Holy Spirit on you so you can forgive those who�ve hurt you.

3. Obey � The Word tells us several things we�re to do concerning forgiving our enemies:

a. Pray for your enemies and those who abuse and misuse you. Pray for their happiness and welfare (see Luke 6:27,28). As you pray, God can give them revelation that will bring them out of deception. They may not even be aware they hurt you, or maybe they�re aware but are so self-centered that they don�t care. Either way, they need revelation.

b. �Bless and do not curse them (Romans 12:14). In the Greek to bless means "to speak well of" and to curse means "to speak evil of." You can�t walk in forgiveness and be a gossip. You must stop repeating the offense. You can�t get over it if you continue to talk about it. Proverbs 17:9 says that he who covers an offense seeks love.

Who Should Forgive?

Forgive the person who badly hurt you long ago and also the stranger who stepped on your toe in the grocery store. Take those two extremes and forgive them in addition to everyone in between. Forgive quickly. The quicker you do it, the easier it is. Forgive freely. Matthew 10:8 says, �Freely you have received, freely give (NKJV). Forgive means �to excuse a fault, absolve from payment, pardon, send away, cancel, and bestow favor unconditionally.�

When you forgive, you must cancel the debt. Do not spend your life paying and collecting debts. Hebrews 10:30 says that vengeance belongs to the Lord; He�ll repay and settle the cases of His people. Let God pay you for past injustices. Do not try to collect from the people who hurt you, because the people who hurt you can�t pay you.

Also, forgive yourself for past sins and hurts you have caused others. You can�t pay people back, so ask God to.

Forgive God if you are angry with Him because your life didn�t turn out the way you thought it should. God is always just. There may be things you don�t understand, but God loves you, and people make a serious mistake when they don�t receive help from the only One who can truly help them.

You may even need to forgive a situation or an object�the post office, bank, a certain store that may have cheated you, a car that always gave you trouble, etc. Get rid of all poison that comes from bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. And remember Proverbs 4:23: Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance...for out of it flow the springs of life.

Unforgiveness is spiritual filthiness, so get washed in the water of God�s Word to forgive and stay clean.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My heart so deeply hurts for those of you who continue to suffer and be in pain from the destruction that your wayward creates. I don't know how to help, but I do know that my healing comes from G-d, NOT because my M is being created into something new.

My healing came from TRUSTING G-d more than I trusted any human being. I that you find healing very soon, today in fact in your walk.

You seem to have tremendous clarity Queenie. It makes so much sense.


I certainly need to watch for resentment and will bookmark this post to keep me on track.

Queenie, are you an angel?

Now, Stay you KNOW I'm NOT.

I just love and want others to be happy.

I HATE when people hurt.

I think then that the angels do their work through you.

Actually stay - G-d does HIS work through ALL of US, we just don't always know it.

I LOVE Joyce Myers. She makes so much HORSE SENSE when it comes to a relationship with the Father.

You're coming up right behind her Queenie. I am in awe of your transformation.

If that impresses you, read this.

Nice win last night.

Oy vey that did hurt. See there is STILL so much work to be done in me YET....

On the truth note, you are so right PM, she makes so much sense and has so much wisdom. And just seems to speak to my heart when I need it.

Of course there is... the day there isn't (for any of us) is the day we start walking backwards.

I didn't even watch the game but my DH told me and I immediately thought of you and wondered how you were handling it.

oh wait, that was skinsgal... You meant me, Queenie... LOL

Well, as G-d is my witness and he is so PROUD of me. I watched the game, didn't yell, didn't cuss, didn't give up hope or love for my team. Yeah, I'm saddened because they are SO BAD and SO SICK as an organization, but then I walked away.

Ok, I left the post game show on... But I walked away ....

and played Rummy with my sons, OS GF and my husband. And I enjoyed the night grateful for the blessings of healing my family.

See how G-d works miracles in US if we LET HIM...