Wow, ladies I have to agree with you too! I never understood how someone who was rarely interested in SF inside his marriage would seek it elsewhere. Seems like it would the the other way around.

I was also told ILYBINILWY, and that he did not find me physically attractive, that I was difficult to live with, etc. However, I found that as I made changes for the better, (Plan A, lost weight, recreational time together, etc.), the worse it made him feel. I see now that he was projecting HIS shortcomings on me. The problems were not mine, they were his.

Queenie - thanks for your inspirational words and encouragement to turn it over to God. Tracy - hang in there and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

I know that the affair was not my fault and that I did try even if I probably didn't handle it right. Right now I am finding myself and having fun doing it. I have made plans for myself, like going on trips, going to see Jeff Dunham on stage, redoing my house, and losing the weight I gained while on lexapro. I am even going to get the spider veins on my legs taken care and see the plastic surgeon for some procedures. They say the best revenge is looking good and feeling good.

Prayed to God last night and asked for a sign and what I got back was give it time. Didn't get to sleep until after 2AM and was awake at 6:30. I could of taken ambien but I don't want to be dependent on it. I hate medication. I was on lexa pro for over 4 months and I lived in a fog and didn't feel a whole lot. I have emotional swings at times but I would rather have those than feel nothing.

Traci, PLEASE consider going back to your psychiatrist (I hope you DID use a psychiatrist and not just a GP) to get different medicine. There are tons of different medicines that do NOT put you in a fog. I take one that does nothing more than make me think 'hmm, yes I SHOULD get off the couch and take out the trash.'

Traci,
I think it's great you are getting into "Self". Just a word of caution - if you don't heal the inside first, fixing the outside is only a bandaid. You might want to check out these two books "Lit from Within" and "Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach", available at library. Simple Abundance was written by Sarah after her D and is a great book on rebuilding self.

P.S. Don't take cosmetic surgery lightly. Surgery is surgery and people have died from cosmetic surgery too.

Gg

I feel better without the medicationa and I am seeing a therapist and I am doing fine. I feel better than I have in months. I am only going to get a chemical peel and restalyne injections. I cannot afford major surgery and as for the spider veins, I am a nurse and I stand a lot so I can put it on my flexible spending card that I have if the insurance doesn't pick it up. I am really doing fine. I was told by my therapist that I would have some mood swings coming off of the medication and I have but not too bad. I try to keep busy and do things and that helps. I hope my daughter feels better today because I want to go see "Sherlock Holmes" and I will go without her if I have to. Love going to the movies.

Just got back from the movies and getting 4# of Dunkin Doughnut's coffee. The movie was great but not as great as "Avatar". The movie's ending let you know that there is going to another one. DD 22 enjoyed the movie too.

When I got back in the car from the movies DD 22 checked my phone because it had been on vibrate in the movies and notice that I had a missed call. It was from my WH! No message though. Don't know what he is up to and don't care. I don't answer texts or phone calls from him. He is suppose to email me only and that is suppose to be about the divorce he wants. I will probably hear about that soon since he can now afford to pay for one and he sold his truck. Wow, he is hitting rock bottom. Lost his wife, marriage and children. His brothers and sisters are mad at him and have no respect for him and they support me. Lives in income based housing with 2 small children. Makes only $11/hr and had to sell his truck and his 2 expensive shot guns. He now makes half of what he use to make. He has no insurance and is diabetic with high cholesterol. Boy, has he ever scr---d himself.

Maybe I should introduce him to my WW. She has no job, got fired from her last one and the rap will keep her from ever being employed in that field again. Her (my) health insurance runs out Jan. 1 and she has three ongoing medical issues. Her smoking again isn't going to help, either. She's gone from living in my house where I paid all the bills, driving my car (which will soon be coming back to me) and living out of a suitcase.

Oh, not to worry, though. She's inherited a small sum of money that will allow her to rent an unfurnished apartment for about six months. She has furniture here, however. Which is sitting in my sub-zero garage, waiting for her. Meanwhile, OM is recuperating from his manhood trimming, living in a rented room in someone else's house and sending all of his money to his kids to pay for their expenses. Given his track record, he's probably already cheating on her, so when WW finds out, she'll be ripe for yours.

I got addicted to Holmes after the first book I read.
His logic was amazing. Read every one of his storys. Hope the movie does him justice..

Oh, forgot that WH is smoking again after quiting for almost 19yrs. That is what guilt will do to you. With the diabetes and high cholesterol and age 47yrs he is ripe for heart problems and that won't help him in the sex department either. Oh, did I tell you that I work in a CVICU(Cardiovascular ICU) and we are the only one in the area. If he starts having chest pain he will probably wish someone would just shoot him than come to my ICU. They will give him the STAR treatment there, nurses and doctors.

I think that's referred to the Karma bus around here. It's just amazing the lengths Waywards go to continue messing up their lives.

Gg

I bet you want to still take care of him huh? You are an awesome caregiver. I think everyone here would agree on that.
It is going to be so hard for him to buy back into your marriage. I can only hope that he sees the light and recovers his mind. May God lovingly grab him by the scruff of the neck and shake sense into him.

At what point does a man see what a man should be? I don't know that answer and don't pretend to be a perfectly balanced one. All I know is that fear is a powerful motivator. Having felt alone, being aware that my choices would determine the outcome of my life, and lacking the confidance in myself to make all the right choices has driven me to seek counsel outside my emotions.
At the times I could get outside my insecuritys and see that I could make a differance in other lives for good I have considered that gift from God. A gift that came from not being afraid to give what might not be appreciated or given back. That is something that God wants me to keep in a healthy balance. Something that I still struggle with as I make excuses for people who haven't treated me fairly.
Being 52 and not interested in seeking any personal relationships outside of being a freind to people my emotional needs will now have to be supplied by God. I have no distractions from that anymore nor am I required to jump though hoops or suffer the pain of abandonment. Truthfully I am looking forward to that. I will have to take care of myself and there can be no excuses. My worrying about my late wife and her bad choices that affected my children and me is over. God has allowed that to be forcibly put in my past. My unhealthy obsession with "fixing" my wifes thinking and allowing myself to feel responsible for her issues was taken out of the picture by Gods hand. She is with Him now.
It is up to me to live right before Him now, depending on Him for an expectation in life. The process is lonely at times but His light shines through the clouds a little bit more every day.

God is sovergn, He will "shake what can be shaken" and what is left is real. Your heart that has given so much to your husband will be honored by God.
I pray that you find the peace that passes understanding by trusting in Him.

I just found out WH sold a very expensive digital camera with a very expensive extra lens on EBay for $450. I bought it for his birthday 2yrs ago. It was worth a lot more than that. I put on the listing that it was too much camera for him and tht he was going to get a smaller one. Liar. I bought it for him because that was what he wanted. Then I thought stop it, I really don't care if he sells all his belongings because eventually he is going to have nothing left to sell. I was feeling a little guilty for selling some of his guns for DD tuition but now I don't any more. The past couple of days have been a learning experience for me and with all of your help I have finally gotten it in my head that I AM GOING TO CONTINUE WITH MY LIFE. I cannot change my WH only he can and hopefully God will be there to help him. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little bit that he sold something that I got him as a gift. When he got I asked if he was going to sell it and he told me he would never sell it because I gave it to him. There is that word never again. Like I said before never say never because you will do the exact opposite. I know because every time I said never, I did the exact opposite and I have seen others do the same. Isais I would never get married, I would never have children,I would never join the Army, I would never become a nurse, and I would never take my H back if he scr--d around on me. I did all of the above and I would take my WH back if he came back. I am learning slowly but surely.

Lol
I was watching Lion King with my 2 year old granddaughter Xmas day and the little baboon guy,(The wise one), says
"You have two choices, you can run from your past, or you can learn from it, you choose".
Funny that I can still get lessons from kids movies?
Live and learn huh?

I also like that book about everything I needed to learn in life I learned in kindergarden.

>They will give him the STAR treatment there, nurses and doctors.

I'm thinking manditory hourly enemas...what other way to clean out the (#$&(& that he's so obviously full of.

(snark)

Back to your regular programming, people.

Traci, I saw Avatar night before last. I wish I could watch it 3 more times, but the Wookie says I have to wait till it comes out on DVD.

(le sigh)

Traci:

Go read the response Sugar Cane wrote on Leroy 717 (?) thread. I think all WS (and thinkin about WSin) people should have sent to them.

It might apply in your case.
what a hoot!

I bet he needs the $450 to lay in a supply of Viagra. 21 year age difference does not bode well for the sex life, IMO.

WH text me today asking if he had insurance and I told him no (he actually does until Jan 1st). He asked me when I wa going toget the cell phone and electricity in my name and I told I would work on it and I'll have it done by next week. The last thing he asked me was if I would ever get past hating him. I text him back and told him that I never hated him just the opposite. But that we couldn't be friends as long as he was with her. Told him he knew how I felt and that he knew where he stood. with me. Meaning that he could reconcile if he was ready to. I know that he knows what I am referring to because he is not that stupid. He has not text me again. I wasn't pleading, clingy or anything. I just stated the facts clear and simple. I had told him earlier when he was asking about changing the names on the bills to not text or call me any more and he said wouldn't after everything was changed over. Don't know what else to do.

Leaving it in God's hands but still hoping and praying.

Hey Traci,

As I've said in the past, I think you're doing great, but I wouldn't have lied about the health coverage. What I might have done is just given him the customer service number to the health plan and let him find answers to his questions. Heck, if you've tried calling any of them, you know that it could take him 'til next year to actually get a response! Plus, in all likelihood, he'd drag his feet and wouldn't call for a few days.....

Maybe it's not that big of a deal, but I would just get involved as little as possible, and keep my side of the fence as weed-free as possible. Again, maybe a minor issue.....

TB

Well actually he asked if I had dropped him from the insurance and I told yes I had. I am trying to stay away from him as much as possible. I haven't seen him in over 4 1/2 months and except for today have had no contact at all in over 2 months. I can't believe he thinks I hate him. Maybe he figures if I hate him it will make things easier for him to continue what he is doing. I never told him I hated him and I never will but I never told him I love him today even though I did tell him that without saying it.

Of course he says that he thinks that you hate him. It's all nutty and distorted rationale to make him justify his actions. "I can't go back to Traci because she HATES me after what I did."

Hate? No. Believe he's making a big mistake? You betcha. Open to discussing his return home? Yes. As I was told after Mrs. TB moved out, make sure you always provide a clear path home. One way that you have done that is by dispelling all of his hot air about hate......

TB