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I understand the need to do this, really I do.
It's never been a part of MB. There are other websites where you can call the WS or the OM any name you want.
I joined MB as a WS because I'd read everything on the main website. Guess what? Dr Harley addresses us WS's. Not only that, he gives us guidance and rules and boundaries and reading the main website was what gave me hope and gave me a plan. I printed every single thing and I got it bound.
That's how "ugly" I am. My H actually thinks I'm beautiful and sexy and funny and looks at me like he can't believe his luck.
Gee, maybe that's why we're recovered and happy.
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"No, the waywards have to pick people with no morals, drinkers, the addicted, diseased, shifty, stupid, homeless or mentally unstable to seduce and convince and lie to and draw into an affair.... since this is who is available to them being as they are MARRIED,,,and all!"
Y'know something Bubbles, you really irritate me.
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You know what, Kiwi? I have been here much longer than you and I assure you that stating true facts about very ugly people has always been a part of MB. You may have missed it, for whatever reason, but it has always been here. Affairs are very ugly and so are the people who engage in them. MB is one of the few forums where the truth can be spoken, thank God.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Of course affairs are ugly but Dr Harley addresses WS's in a way that reached me. It was because of that that I've been here a long time too. As far as I know "ugly" has not been used by any of the Harleys.
Mel, when I came here and read "this is how you stop your A, this is how you get over your A" it was the most eye popping, hopeful, exciting thing I'd ever read. NO other website even came close to addressing this.
I have to add that when I joined the forums (with great trepidation and fear) one of the first posts I read was to do with big hair and aquanet and I was completely nonplussed and felt totally out of my depth.
Luckily, I persevered. Mel, I'm not ugly. I WAS ugly. Now I'm so happy, so content,so in love with my H. I just can't describe it.
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Of course affairs are ugly but Dr Harley addresses WS's in a way that reached me. It was because of that that I've been here a long time too. As far as I know "ugly" has not been used by any of the Harleys. But Dr Harley has not posted in this thread so I have no idea what the relevance is of this comment. The posts here are made by posters. And they all know that adultery and adulterers are ugly. I have to add that when I joined the forums (with great trepidation and fear) one of the first posts I read was to do with big hair and aquanet and I was completely nonplussed and felt totally out of my depth.
Luckily, I persevered. Mel, I'm not ugly. I WAS ugly. Now I'm so happy, so content,so in love with my H. I just can't describe it. Yep, it was ugly. Affairs are ugly and so are their participants. When I came here I was attacked by a wayward wife in a call out thread on my 13th day and felt totally out of my depth. But, so what? You were "non-plussed;" I was "nonplussed." So what? We are big gurls and no one here has an entitlement to not be "non-plussed."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You know what, Kiwi? I have been here much longer than you and I assure you that stating true facts about very ugly people has always been a part of MB. You may have missed it, for whatever reason, but it has always been here. Affairs are very ugly and so are the people who engage in them. MB is one of the few forums where the truth can be spoken, thank God. I agree with you, Mel. Kiwi, as a BS, I feel I have a right to opine however way I see fit regarding the behavior, looks, interests, hobbies, favorite colors, and/or shoe sizes of waywards and their compadres in crime. Sorry, but I do. I think the pain and anguish that I have endured gives me that right. Of course, a wayward's recovery, contrition, and their whole-hearted commitment to making amends may, indeed, alter those opinions considerably -- but I reserve the right to play both judge and jury. As Mel stated, affairs are ugly. And comparing them (and those participating in them) to a mouth full of rotten, gap-filled, blackened, and festering choppers seems to be completely appropriate to me. Sorry if I come across a bit heavy-handed, but this kinda strikes a nerve with me. TB
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Mel, it was an attempt at humour. I just didn't know where I was going to fit with all these people who knew each other so well. That's all I meant. People who talked about "big hair" and had so many inside jokes I didn't think I'd ever last the distance.
Wow, I don't know where all this is coming from. I read the website, I got hope, I saw someone (the Harleys) and something that really talked to me (the letters and answers on the main website) and I was on my way to recovery.
I don't know why you want to knock me for that.
I've had a wayward wife tell me "F*** you" but I persevered with that too.
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Mel, it was an attempt at humour. I just didn't know where I was going to fit with all these people who knew each other so well. That's all I meant. People who talked about "big hair" and had so many inside jokes I didn't think I'd ever last the distance. And here we both are years later! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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lol and still laffin' about your big hair
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lol and still laffin' about your big hair  Thank God for Aquanet! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sacred icons of beauty that must never be derided:
Aquanet or it's accross the pond fav of mine, Aussie mega Styling Spray
Performing preference hair color 8.5 beige blonde
pouwdering fundation and under-eye concealer
Crest White Strips used twice a year
a dusting of blush, powder and eyshadow, a line under the eyes, and two coats of mascara
2 assistants to zip the dress, a pair of spanx to flatten the tummy and tush, extremely high heels, and deep red lipstick
Boy, we really suffer to be beautiful, as my mom used to say.
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Sacred icons of beauty that must never be derided:
Aquanet or it's accross the pond fav of mine, Aussie mega Styling Spray
Performing preference hair color 8.5 beige blonde
pouwdering fundation and under-eye concealer
Crest White Strips used twice a year
a dusting of blush, powder and eyshadow, a line under the eyes, and two coats of mascara
2 assistants to zip the dress, a pair of spanx to flatten the tummy and tush, extremely high heels, and deep red lipstick
Boy, we really suffer to be beautiful, as my mom used to say. A true picture of southern grace and beauty. A lady can't survive without Aquanet and little hair teasing..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow, I don't know where all this is coming from. I read the website, I got hope, I saw someone (the Harleys) and something that really talked to me (the letters and answers on the main website) and I was on my way to recovery.
I don't know why you want to knock me for that As a wise person on this forum once said, "hope is the one thing satan hasn't figured out how to kill." I believe in the truism: "HATE THE SIN, BUT LOVE THE SINNER." Nothing wrong with putting a hideous and ugly face to the sin of adultry, or for that matter, any sin. I believe in loving the sinner back to repentance, recovery, forgiveness, and salvation. All of the above: PRICELESS !!!!!!!!! All Blessings, Jerry
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The underlying truth about Hate the sin, love the sinner....I don't believe you are truly loving the sinner UNTIL you hate the sin. Someone who loves me would never want me to continue such hideous behavior. I love my kids, but if tey go all rebellious on me, I am going to do whatever it takes, whether they like it or not, to show them the ugly truth of their choices. Then, like the dad of the prodigal sone, when they come back down that road after reaching the end ofthemselves, I'll crush them with hugs and kisses and tears.
I hope and pray that never happens. My brother is 37, and we are all still waiting for him to "come home."
Sin really ticks me off.
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The underlying truth about Hate the sin, love the sinner....I don't believe you are truly loving the sinner UNTIL you hate the sin. . That is so well said, luroosi. Defending sinners is not an act of love, it is an act of hate.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I do believe the predicate part of the statement was "hate the sin."
Based on that, I don't see us in disagreement.
All Blessings,
Jerry
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My WW definitely 'affaired down'. The guy she was communicating with was so opposite of her in many ways. He was over-weight and out of shape - she believes in physical fitness (we're both into exercising, eating right etc.) He smokes - she thinks smoking is disgusting. He looks 15 years older than his age. He has a foul mouth - his Facebook postings were crude - and she does not like foul language. He's extremely liberal, and we're both more on the conservative side. It's like he was opposite of what she stands for and is attracted to.
But, she said he 'knew her and understood her like no one else' and was 'sweet and understanding' etc. etc.
I just don't get it.
Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12
'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin
'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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This bears repeating to me -- waywards are IDIOTS. I know this because I were one. Waywards are the epitome of illigical irrationality. They need specially crafted tazers to be zapped with repeatedly. Maybe a well-placed taze in late 2005 would have rendered me incapacitated in 2006!
Shinethrough, I hope you don't think I was disagreeing. Your post just inspired that thought. Sometimes my words comes out strangely.
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Because it's impossible to "affair up" Someone willing to have an affair starts at negative infinity. Since no one is positive infinity, the only way you go having an affair is down. It's just that simple. Even if they "look" good, one is ALWAYS affairing down. I have read so many posts here where the betrayed spouse ends up shaking their heads in disbelief when they see who their Wayward left them for.
I am wondering if this is because:
1) They are insecure and this gives them a chance to feel superior?
2) They are able to exert control over the OP as they can be in charge?
3) They are so needy in one area they will cling on to anyone who looks like they can fill the void?
Is this a delayed "They will never go out with me cause they are too good for me" syndrome? And it astounds me how long they can remain in the fog. What is it up to 2 - 3 years of no contact?... please tell me this can't be so.
In any case it seems that it is yet another red flag to give insight into what the wayward spouse is responding to. Who ever would have thought that if you are reasonably good looking, responsible, loyal, trustworthy, intelligent, hard working..... That these qualities would actually work against you.
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lurioosi2,
No problem at all with any misunderstanding.
My point was that it would become most difficult to not continue hating an ongoin and unrepentant sinner. But it conflicts with God's instuction to not only love your brother, but to love your enemy as well.
Sometimes I feel only God is capable of loving your enemy, but it is nonetheless, a command that He has imposed on us. I must admit, I feel quite helpless in loving my FWW's OM.
But that's on me, no one else.
All Blessings,
Jerry
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