My memory is a little weak, and the great purge of our posts isn't helping, but I thought it might be nice to count some of our collective blessings of 2009.
It looks like OurHouse's situation is improving, as is NotSure2's and possibly Traci's.
Since many of the threads have a depressing tone to them, can we try to summarize a few of the good things we remember about 2009?
For me, I can say my personal health is still good, as is that of my kids. I also haven't had any deaths in my family, and have seen several neices and nephews get married.
Anyone want to chime in with theirs, or other threads they remember have taken a good turn?

FWW's affair started Jan 10, IMHO: the day she gave him her phone number and they began talking 1-3 hours per day. First D-Day: mid-March, 2009. Second D-Day: mid-June 2009. Final D-Day: July 28, 2009. Found MarriageBuilders: August 1, 2009. Began exposure of the affair: August 8, 2009. Affair ended, no-contact sent: August 25, 2009.

In recovery. Finished reading "Love Busters" last night together. Heartfelt relationship talk is limited to 2 hours each Sunday night, the rest of the time is spent meeting ENs, avoiding LBs, spending 15+ hours per week together (every night from 9P-11P, more time on Saturdays and Sundays, and we try to do lunch together once or twice a week for an hour or two), and being radically honest with each other.

Took a two-day mini-vacation together at the end of December. Wonderful lovemaking, watched "Avatar" together, had breakfast, got very close again. Reminds me that spending enough TIME together is really the key to keeping love alive.

A mixture of good times and very rocky times from September through December 5 when I finally discovered a cache of OM's photos on FWW's computer and phone. FWW claimed she rarely looked at them; after deletion of the photos, found that FWW stopped vacillating between Conflict and Intimacy, and stayed in Intimacy more often.

We still resolve conflicts on a daily and hourly basis. Using the POJA and RA, along with being sensitive to one another's needs, following the Four Guidelines for Successful Negotiation, we come up with great options that make us both happy.

Dr. Harley's advice to focus on the present and future rather than the past to overcome resentment has worked extremely well for us over the past month. Rather than using past behavior to justify current behavior, we're focusing on what our current behavior is and how to better meet our needs and avoid Love Busters.

Dr. Harley's program works. FWW wants to incorporate the MarriageBuilders program into her mental health therapy practice for premarital counseling. Things aren't perfect. They probably never will be. But things are BETTER.

No marital recovery but...

-DS finished college and started his own business,

-I bought a new house and moved,

-My mom had the healthiest year in over a decade (one successful knee replacement in January but that was it on her medical front),

-My boss from he11 retired and we got an awesome new one so work has taken a pleasant turn for the better,

-The managers of the stable where I keep my horse bought an awesome property and we moved all the horses there,

-I went on 2 Carribean cruises, east and west,

-I got a new car (ok, that was actually 2008, but it was Dec 30 so it was practically 2009 and I didn't sell my old car until 2009).

I'm sure there was lots more. Overall it was a pretty good year. There were a couple of downsides but mostly up.

Happy 2010!

My dad passed on Father's Day. His decline was mercifully quick; the COPD killed him before the dementia could strip his ability to enjoy watching my sons play.

My work took me off of travel the first week of November, and my wife had a healthy baby girl on Thanksgiving morning. I got to spend the entire month of December off work and at home with the family. That was the best Christmas present we could have hoped for.

2009...

I still have job, at least for now.

DS went back to school to work on his MBA and lives in his own apartment.

DD and DGD moved out to live with her boyfriend.

UA Time went WAY up...

Our church kicked off a marriage ministry.

My wife assisted my teaching MB to 11 couples through the use of Fall In Love Stay In Love.

Men whose wives once came to church with the kids or alone now come to church with them as a family!

And we're getting ready to repeat it in two weeks...

Well, between finding out about the A in early 2009, and doing the hard work of R, I'd have to say 2009 pretty much sucked.

However, the good news is:

It's now 2010. Bye-bye, sucky year!

I'm still working (in a market that has had its butt kicked economically)

We got rid of the car FWH and OW made out in. Love the new car!

H has been the model ex-wayward. I mean the MODEL ex-wayward, to the nth degree.

We have no credit card debt.

The kids are excelling in school and in life in general.

Wow! These are some really good things! You know, it's really easy on here to focus on what is WRONG in our lives that we sometimes lose sight of what is RIGHT.
Even those in the darkness period right now are probably experiencing some cool things, but we never get to hear about that!

2009 was a great year for my husband and me as we recovered our marriage and did a lot of work on our relationship. Nov 2008 I was ready to walk out the door. I was surfing for marriage counselors when the Marriage Builders website came up and it was the best thing to happen to us.

We started spending a lot more time doing things together--not easy at first! But the biggest thing was that MB really made me take a look at what I was doing with all my relationships, as well as our marriage.

It just gets better and better.

Never give up hope! It ain't over til they plant you in the ground--and maybe not even then.

I have my family - wholly.

I like postive thinking.

Count our blessings.

Celebrate what is good.

The best thing that happened in 2009 was that I found MB.

Talk about turning life right around.

I understand me.

I know me.

I have challenged my thining on a lot of subjects - if anyone told me at the beginning of 2009 that I would be considering attending Church at the beginning of 2010 I would think they were out of their minds!

I discovered BOuNDARIES - really discovered them in August and September.

My mum recovered from nasty surgery in Jan to go on to recover from surgery, chemo and radiotherapy for aggressive breast cancer and is now fit enough to enjoy and resume care for her grandchildren again.

The children have grown in confidence and happiness.

All in the last few weeks of 2009:
My H offered a new job that means no more stinky shifts - hooray!

We decided to buy a puppy.

I was given over double my current working hours in my job which I love.

DS learnt to say Fs (which is a huge relief- still more sounds to nail)

DD learnt frere jacques on the recorder

DH(FWH) was diagnosed with colon cancer and beat it in 2009.

In 2009 the alien that had possessed my husband left and returned the man that I fell in love with 24 years ago!

We had enough money to go to counseling and also go away together twice.

Our children are happy, smart, and good-looking (just like their parents!). ;-P

We found a new church home.

We have roof over our heads, our bills are paid, our jobs are strong, our parents are healthy, and we know will never let our boundaries slip again!

I agree with MB that in many ways 2009 sucked, but it really is a wonderful life! (a la George Bailey)

TWC, I guess you ain't seen our MasterCard bill for the holidays yet...

It was ONE HE77 OF A PARTY FOR ME....I look forward to 2010! DUDE

2009 started off with the arrival of little chaibaby. What a surprise blessing.

I made it through the D OK, and still have a roof over my head and have not starved to death. For that I am thankful....

AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY XWH SPOUSAL SUPPORT!!!!!!!!

wooo hooo.


as for me 2009 started out in the down swing.... got myself caught up in the self pitty party and had to find out the hard way how to extract my head from my [censored]... job finally done but hurt some people along the way. That i am truely sorry for.... but hind sight is 20/20

1. now D is finalized
2. I have a beautiful smart and mostly healthy DD2 that means everything to me.
3. New job with more money and time to spend with my DD2
4. The ability to pay all my bills, keep my house, and even have some left over each month.
5. Happy and greatful that those friends and family that i have left out there that stuck by me even when i was no where to be found (so to speak) are still here for me today and are able to watch me be the woman, mother, daughter, and friend that was still inside of me deep down!!

My brightest light in 2009 was that I regained my faith, sprituality and personal relationship with God.

AM

2009 started off just quiet... I guess that's what Plan B is all about.

About April it got interesting and for the first time in over a year I spoke with WH for a few minutes.

Plan B conditions had been met for the most part. They had broken up and he was starting to become human again.

July we talked about starting over

September we moved into our new home and began recovery.

Found out I was going to be a grand parent.

It was a wonderful year considering what the last two had been like and I'm so grateful to G-d...