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Uh, why are you stopping to tell us you exposed oldest DD. You have a lot more people to tell. Exposure needs to be done quickly to get maximum effect.

I want to see bleeding blister's on your dialing finger.

What about your other DD, WW parents and siblings. Use that sample work exposure letter get it sent before noon today. Send it by email and mail to CEO, then CC Director of HR and the Board of Directors.

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"The 18 year old teenage girl packed the WWs bags and kicked her out!" Is there a link to this post?

I also remember where two brothers, about 18 and 20 years old that had a WM, wayward mom. Don't remmeber much but I think they they found out before their dad did. They went and saw the OM and told him that it would be in his best interest if the OM went NC with their WM.

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I don't have the link, but it was MisterSteve.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I agree with Mel- expose to EVERYONE as quickly as you can. Mine was a little more dragged out and if I could do one thing over again, it would be to have a better PLAN and tell everybody on the list in one day.



-SOL
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How's it going jcb? How many names can be checked off the list?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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One more thing, do not tell your WW or even any of the people you are exposing to about MB. You do not want to loose this resource.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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He said he was going to be gone working all day today.

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Oh...well he was here a minute ago.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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JCB,

Part of the things she'll say:

"I was going to work on our marriage, but you just ruined any chance of that!"

"I can't trust you!"

"How could you stoop so low?!"

"You're just trying to ruin my reputation!"

"You can't make me stay in a marriage where I don't love you!"

"You just can't let go!"

"You've ruined OM's marriage!"

"You're hurting OM's kids!" (if he has any)

There's plenty of others, and I'm sure people can chime in and throw in some other examples.

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I encourage you to read TryingEverything's thread "Wife's affair....I don't know what to do"

You'll find a good amount of the kinds of things you will be told.

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and
"You're just making yourself look desperate and weak"
"You should be trying to fix yourself and be a better husband instead of making us look bad"
"You're just being vindictive"

The weak part just gets me. Exposure was the hardest thing I've ever done, and took tremendous amounts of courage. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

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jcb...you are on the brave road...

which unfortunately, is paved with fear...

and you're walking it, anyway.

Know that...applaud yourself and keep breathing and doing...not because you feel courageous...because you don't.

Rely on your support here...they will not lie to you...which is why they can be your light.

Thank you so much for telling your oldest DD...shows respect and trust in HER to know that you informing isn't what hurts so much...it's her mother's choices which hurt.

Stay in reality...hold steady...and keep going. Take the applause, support, hugs, comfort and kudos as you can...for balance and grounding.

And keep going. You can do this...you are doing this. You're owning your choices...you're bringing reality...know and believe it...don't fall for the babble that you are ruining the marriage...or that you have ruined it...you are married.

Right now. And you're ruining her AFFAIR.

LA

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"Vindictive", "Mean", "Cruel", "Heartless", "Over the top", and "Vengeful" were the words of choice my FWW chose to describe exposure.

I choose to substitute the phrase "successfully interfering with my affair" in my head every time she used those words. Good coping strategy.


Doormat_No_More
(Formerly Barnboy)
Original thread lost in the forum purge of '09.
4 months after D-Day
1 year after D-Day
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Four Years Later
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Originally Posted by Waffleguy
and
"You're just making yourself look desperate and weak"
"You should be trying to fix yourself and be a better husband instead of making us look bad"
"You're just being vindictive"

The weak part just gets me. Exposure was the hardest thing I've ever done, and took tremendous amounts of courage. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.


Yes I was hurt from work and just out of surgery and was told I was not able to take care of the princess any more when she finnally left. It was so sad because she was so wrapped up in lies.

My Children,(DD18,DS16 n DS13) didn't buy it thank God but they were definatly hurt to see their Mom become such a mess.

Good thing is that lies don't survive in the light.

Hang in there JCB These guys are good and they know what they are talking about.

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Originally Posted by Barnboy
"Vindictive", "Mean", "Cruel", "Heartless", "Over the top", and "Vengeful" were the words of choice my FWW chose to describe exposure.

I choose to substitute the phrase "successfully interfering with my affair" in my head every time she used those words. Good coping strategy.

Ah, yes, BB. The good 'ol "vengeful" barb. Whatta ya know -- got that one as recently as this past Saturday. You beat me to the punch.......

jcb, take heart, buddy. You're hearing (and may continue to hear) stuff most of us have heard ourselves. We're still pluggin' away....

TB





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Let the nuclear explosion of her anger roll on...while you stay cool, calm and collected. Tell her you are just doing "what is necessary to fight for your marriage".

She will foam at the mouth and tell you anything that "might" get you to back off. Take none of her words to heart, it is all fierce fog-babble, and it all means NOTHING.

As has been said, your marriage can survive anger, but not an ongoing affair.

Take it slowly and be deliberate when you choose your words. No LoveBusters!

Yes, we know this is all very difficult to do. Very. But we also know it works. Believe in this path Marriage Builders provides and follow the plan and you'll have a better than average chance of saving your marriage.





BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Last night told my youngest daughter, she said it wasn't true and I was hurting everyone by continuing to think about it, her mom would never do anything like that....

Wife finally confessed that she had an affair. Said at first we would never work now because of what happened. She eventually half heartedly apologized...says it's over, has been over for months...that the OM was "deeply in love with his girlfriend"....refuses to quit her job saying she really likes it there, won't remove him as a facebook friend because everyone at work are each others friends, so it would look odd...says she wants everything to work...she will never hurt me again...

If you remember my comments about our therapist believing her denials, she says she told the therapist up front that she had an affair, and that is was decision to not tell me for fear of my "mental condition"...they were supposed to tell me together, but we stopped going...

I thought all I needed to hear was an admission and apology, which is what I got...now I feel completely hollow, she still works there, still sees him and honestly thinks that's ok. Further exposure at this point seems unnecessary...not sure what I gain. My wife of 17 years, my friend, mother of my kids, had sex over and over with a man 10 years younger than me who can't even pay his phone bill...who she loved more than me... It continued for months..so many lies were told, and I think the only reason it stopped is because he found a girlfriend, not because my wife loved me....

I am not sure this is able to be fixed now....and honestly I'm not sure I want to try...

Thanks for all your advice and help...it sure is great to hear everyones thoughts....


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Hate to say this, but if they're still working together and she won't at least 'un-friend' him on FB, it's not over . . .

You can fix the relationship. It's been proven over and over. BUT, the affair has to stop, and she must take whatever measures necessary to avoid any kind of contact with OM. Until that happens, you're swimming upstream.


Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12

'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin

'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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I think it is time for Plan B. If you are no longer meeting her needs, she will have to capitulate or you will end up divorcing.

If you don't go to plan B, you will still end up divorcing...

Seems worth a shot to me.

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JCB,

I can't give you a reason to try to recover from this. You have to find that reason yourself. But you do need to know that you are now at that very point where finding that reason is possible. This seems to be a fork in the road where you must choose one road or another. One way leads to recovery while the other leads to divorce.

In reality you are at an exit point. You can choose to get off this road and take another direction in your life or you can continue down this road knowing that there will be another exit just a short way ahead. You don't have to decide to divorce yet, but you can do so at this moment. If you choose to continue, you'll get another shot at it up ahead.

You get lots of chances to end a marriage and not many to save it. Choose from reason rather than pure raw emotions...

Mark

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