I have phone records from the last three months from my husband to a co-worker one month was 30 pages, just phone calls, not text messages. He has his phone bill going to her house, I confronted him and he told me I was crazy there was nothing going on, he left the house at 8:50 pm on Christmas night to get a snack and talked with her for 15 minutes before returning home. I want this marriage to work but I am not sure how to proceed when he keeps denying everything.

You need to record the conversations and then expose to everyone.

What will that accomplish? Don't you think he would hate me for doing that and leave anyways?

As has been said many times by the vets on here, your marriage will survive his anger but it will NEVER survive infidelity.

My WH started with a friendship for 2 years with secret phone calls and everything. Now he left me and our 2 children and moved in with OW. I wish I would have found this place 2 years ago so I would have known what to do. Read up on everything you can on here and listen to the vets. They know what they are talking about.

Cherrychip, I am reminded that not only do wayward spouses (WS) all talk from the same script, but so do newly-minted betrayed spouses (BS). I dare say that every single BS that has come to this board has uttered that very same line.

To which the answer is: Your marriage will survive temporary anger. It will not survive an affair.

Please let the veterans here help you get through your own fogginess. That's the difference between us and the WS: We are an ARMY. They are simply aimless grunts wandering through the fog.

Please find the book "Surviving an Affair", by Dr. Willard Harley Jr. and read it ASAP.

You can get it at the library or overnight it from Amazon.com or from this web sites bookstore.

I would guarantee your H is in an Affair. I'm very sorry.

I am very scared, I want to beleive what he is telling me even though I know in my heart it is not true. He could loose his job for doing this, he is the manager, not only that but he calls this woman the second he leaves our bed at 4:45 am in the morning. I think I am loosing my mind. We have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old baby girl. I am scared.

Will this book help me and give me the strength necessary to move forward? I am sure I am not the perfect wife so I have tried to use some of the information from this website to keep the conversation on track but it is not working.

CC, I am sorry you here. Strength is a choice and that will have to come from within. You can decide to be strong and take steps to save your marriage.

Your H is having an affair. The solution is to get the evidence on your own and then expose the affair. Stop asking him and start snooping. Put a voice activated recorder in his car and record his conversation. Or if he uses a blackberry phone, you can install flexispy on it.

Stop confronting him. Gather intel and do not reveal your sources. You know who and where this person lives since the bill is going to her house, correct? Is she married and what do you know of her?

Cherrychip, you have found yourself to the best place possible to help you deal with this. I say it's a club no one wants to join, but it's made up of some of the best people on earth!

First, take a deep breath. Take another. OK?

Now, here's the deal: This is Marriage Builders. And this site is dedicated to helping people make the strongest, most solid marriages possible. Many people like us come here because our spouse has gone outside the marriage, leaving us devastated, insecure, frightened, feeling alone and helpless.

Know that you are NOT ALONE. The "army" of MB has now been recruited to your side. We now outnumber you H and the OW by a factor of multitudes.

You should take the time to read the links to the right of the screen and familiarize yourself with the Basic Concepts and Plan A and Plan B. Once you put a plan together, the fantasy of the affair will begin to diminish rapidly.

But time is of the essence. That is why you must stop thinking for yourself and let the experienced hands like MelodyLane, Pepperband, Mark, and more guide you. Trust me (please!), these people have all been there, done that and have the battle scars to prove it. Even better: they are proof that the principles here work!

In short, Plan A, which you should start yesterday, is two-fold: The "carrot" part has you being the loving wife WH married and wanted to raise kids with and spend his life with. This is tough on you, because it requires you to put away your "Taker" and be the "Giver" 100%. This is why Plan A is time limited.

The "stick" part of Plan A has you donning a deerstalker hat, pulling out the magnifying glass (a la homage to Sherlock Holmes) and snooping, prying, uncovering, listening and otherwise doing things a "normal" person would find unseemly.

But this is not a normal situation. It's WAR! As soon as you have as much information to conclusively show the facts of the A, it's time to "go nuclear" and EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE. You go to everyone and anyone who might have influence over your H. Relatives, co-workers, friends, bosses, etc. You also find out if OW has a boy friend or husband, and EXPOSE to them, too. You do this in one fell swoop WITHOUT TELLING YOUR H YOU ARE GOING TO DO SO.

This will case rage and blather, as you have no shown the light of truth on the nasty lie that is the fantasy of A. This can be the death knell of an A. Even if it is not, is throws reality on it, which starts to rupture it. Dr. Harley has learned that 95% of all affairs die of their own accord, because they are not reality based. Plan A is meant to hasten that end.

But Plan A rarely is enough. That is why there is Plan B. I will leave discussion of Plan B for later, as it's critically important that you learn and understand how Plan A works and start working it NOW.

Let the pros here do the thinking for you. Put yourself in their hands, and if you do, you have a very good chance of recovering your marriage!

I think this thread might have some ideas about voice activated recorders you can hide in his car. They sell them at Radio Shack. here

I could use some help, he does have a blackberry but he has a passcode and he never ever leaves it laying around, he takes it with him everywhere. I could do the car thing but could you help me with that? How do I go about doing this? I feel like and idiot. I am humiliated, and the worst part is he still claims to love me and wants to be intimate. He took this person away on sweetest day weekend.

Well, of course he wants both of you, cherry. It's called cake-eating. WS just looove to have two people filling ALL of their needs. It's the fantasy romance he's got with her, while you're covering his domestic/reality chit, making sure clothes are washed, the baby is clean and cared for...whatta life, right? Selfish but true.

Nope, you're going to need to end that business. Listen to the info the vets on here will be giving you about how to break into his blackberry, etc. And do it. Be ready to EXPOSE. Don't worry about his job. He obviously doesn't. Please PLEASE read up on exposure and be ready to implement it! Read my info - it's what ended my Hs A.

Wait a minute, he took the OW on a trip?

My wife's EA started much the same way - phone calls and text messages. Then it moved on to heavy messaging on FaceBook. It was only when I gathered hard evidence via a keylogger and then exposed did she agree to end the affair. We are in the early stages of recovery.

I give you this quick history for two reasons - 1> get as much evidence of the affair as you can (does he use to computer at home?) then expose it. The affair has to end as soon as possible. 2> my situation got much better and I understood what was going on so much clearer after I found this forum and started listening to the people here. Not only the vets, who's advice you need to take, but all of the folks here because we are just one big (sometimes) happy family. You will find help and support here!

As has been said, you are now in a war. Get ready.

Yeah - he did WHAT????

Yes, I have no real hard evidence of this except for the phone bill. He called this person every day several times a day, called her when he left that morning and did not call her again until he dropped her off on Sunday. He never once called me the whole weekend and I had to have emergency foot surgery. I did use a keylogger and that is how I got his password for email and that is when I got a copy of his phone bill. The mailing adress is the co-worker he is having an affair with. I would love to find out how to tap into his blackberry but when I say he does not leave it laying around, I mean it.

I'd say the mailing addy is the evidence...

And why does he HAVE to admit what you already KNOW?

Expose it all...and to his work, too.