Thank you, Pepperband. This is very sage, indeed.

Yes to the food and beverages. And not a pushback on the video, but just a question: Why?

I'm going to have to search for an older, female who will (a) agree to do this, and (b) be available this weekend. Hmmm.

Understood. On the other hand, WW and I have a legal agreement specifying the who gets what and when. Except for some small trivial stuff that I mentioned earlier (that I won't kick up a fuss over if she wants it or not).

Have a video camera on hand, and a personal audio recorder on your person and running the entire time WW is there.

Very good advice. We each have our own timeframe. I've known some people who never recover though. You will recover Fred, either with or without your WW. Sorry to say that it looks as though she doesn't value marriage very much.

I have begun to wonder what she does value. Other than her selfish need to feel attractive and wanted. It seems that every other thing she valued (her children, her career, her health and her marriage) has been tossed aside without a backward glance.

There's a great article on Shrink for Men called "Is Your Girlfriend or Wife a Professional Victim?" I sometimes shudder when I come across an article like this due to how close to home it hits. Then I have to ask myself, "Am I trying to make this article fit my situation?" Even stepping back and trying to look at it dispassionately makes me shake my head. It can't just be that coincidental...

I think he means in case she tries to say you attack her or some such. This is really her last opportunity to affect anything. You never know how far that can drive someone over the edge.

Oh, I know that's what was meant. And I'm not pushing back, really I'm not. However, given the number of witnesses present (she's bringing two and I will have two) and the fact that everything has been laid out and put into writing, seems to diminish to capacity of WW to pull something "fast."

That doesn't mean I'm downplaying it. I plan to be very careful, and the camera will be fully charged with a lot of recording capability...

Fred, I just read your link to Shrink for men. Wow. I feel the same way about my WW. Looking back, I can see it even before the A. I also think I may have been emotionaly abused.

Just like you, I am wondering if I am trying to make the article fit the situation, but there is something to this. Makes me wonder if I truly want the M to continue.

Well, I know I don't want it to continue as it was anyway, for both of us.

Crap.

My sponsee, the one who was my "third man" the day my WW vacated the house called me today asking for my advice. He just left.

Background: She had called him to ask him to be present when she does her final move out this weekend, and not to tell me she'd asked. Of course, he said he was going to speak with me; how could he not? This is how I learned WW planned to bring some folks (women?) with her to help her pack.

So why did he want to see me? It turns out WW showed up at the meeting third man was attending last Sunday. Afterwards, she asked him something that he didn't quite get, so he answered, "No." Now he thinks she may have been asking him if he'd spoken with me, and he doesn't want to have given her a dishonest answer. I suggested he call her and just tell her that he didn't catch the full question, and he may not have given her the correct answer.

It wouldn't be such a big deal except for two things that bother me: The first is something she said to the affect, "Good, that means I'm prepared for it." The other is that she has apparently called him twice and spoken with him for about 20 minutes each. Third Man does not want to be a sounding board for her, and says she's sort of "going on about things." I'm guessing she's just trying to justify her behavior per the Wayward Person's Handbook. Since I sponsor this man, I don't feel right in browbeating him to tell me what she's said (nor do I really think I want to know), but if this has a potentially downside on the upcoming weekend, I want to be alert and on my guard.

What say the assembled experts...?

You know , Fred, I would not worry about what she is telling folks. Good people know that having an affair is never justified. Those that know you will not buy her crap.
Some folks will and there is nothing you can do about it.
Virtually every WS, as well as the disordered, engage in some type of justifuication campaign unless the WS is remorseful and is out of the fog. You are not experiencing anything that mahy of us have not gone through re this misinformation campaign.
You just need to show people by your conduct that her version is inconsistent with the truth.
In time, the truth will come out. And, we just have to accept that there are some folks in this world that think affairs are okay under certain circumstances. They are wrong, but you cannot convince them otherwise.
Rather than lengthy discussions refuting her claims, I found the most effective thing I could do was simply say "that is not true." Nothing more, except to my really close friends.

I, like, this, response,

He's a grown man (I assume). If he doesn't want to talk to her, he can tell her so. Stay out of it.

Once again, my daughter steps up to be the lighthouse that this blinded ship sometimes needs. I spoke with her for a bit after I'd posted the above, and she managed to put me back on track again.

Thanks to DD27, I have a pretty clear picture of what WW is planning. She hasn't tried to cover her tracks (or think that she needs to). She's biding her time until the six month period is over (why else pay six months in advance on her new, small apartment), possibly getting a menial job and then will go to the court and file for D (it's no-fault, so either party can do it). After that, she expects things to move rapidly: OM will (finally -- after more than three years) D his W and the two of them will ride off into the sunset.

Except... Except he's been "about to get" his divorce for nearly three years -- it's the same line he's fed to the other women he's preyed upon. His wife won't grant him a divorce! As for riding off into the sunset, OM pays through the nose each month for his kids. Does WW, who has her own child support to pay, think that will go away?

By mid 2010, I project that WW will be living alone, working as a low-level receptionist or similar, driving a used car that she has to pay exorbitant prices on due to her poor credit (me having repossessed the car she's currently driving), suffering health problems (gee, will she have health insurance then?) and all the time proclaiming that it's not her fault. Someone else was to blame!

Oh, and I have just returned from a delightful trip abroad to find out that my company insists I take an additional 73 hours before the end of March, since I have excess PTO. Let's see, where do I want to go next...?

I bet you are right re her future prospects, Fred. On the other hand, she is not your problem and I would try to just not care.
I derived some satisfaction from seeing my XWW arrested and having her power turned off twice. And, seeing her relationship withthe OM crumble as my kids hatedhim and her entire family rejected him.
But, really, it does not matter. I am free of her.

Yep she has made poor decisions and will likely continue to do so. I think Zelmo is giving you good direction. I think your WW is still stuck in your head, as you are probably feeling like I did. I was stuck in denial for a long time, I had a hard time believing and comprehending that my wife wanted to separate and that she has been living part time with her boyfriend.

Being rejected and abandoned hurts. Why they do it does not make sense to us but it does not change the outcome. You have made good progress, and you work hard at helping others, but you are still having to deal with the emotional residue of her rejection. I wish you well in your healing. It is hard and I sympathize with where you are at. It does take time.

Blessings
BCBoy

You should take a trip to someplace tropical, and relax for a couple of days.

You deserve it. And won't it burn at your WW that you are enjoying yourself while she is suffering.

She will not see that her suffering is of her doing.